RICHMOND, Va. — House party attendee Davey Singleton can’t quite put his finger on why the two Wendy’s Baconators and seven beers he consumed in under fifteen minutes weren’t sitting right, recently cropdusted sources confirmed.
“Ueeegggghh FUCCKKKKK. For some weird reason my stomach feels like it’s about to explode. Normally this much carbonated liquid and low-grade meat don’t fuck me up this bad,” said Singleton. “The sixth beer did taste a little skunked, and the seventh was a Bud Ice someone stashed in the back of the crisper drawer in the ‘90s. Also, the Wendy’s drive-thru might have screwed with my food because I paid in all pennies. Either way, I really hope no one’s in the bathroom right now because I’m about to fire a rocket from the crypt.”
Acquaintance Rebekah Pope shared additional details of Singleton’s gastric episode.
“There’s a full bath on the second floor and then a much less private Pittsburgh potty in the basement where the band was playing. Maybe Davey had an emergency, or was worried that bounding up the stairs would release the Kraken, because he decided to drop a nuclear deuce basically in the middle of the venue. Gotta be really disheartening for a band to hear a man fighting for his life between songs,” said Pope. “No surprise this happened though. The guy eats like shit. I don’t think he’s had a vegetable since the Obama administration. I tried sneaking some bok choy into his cheesy gordita once but he spit it out like a dog finding a pill in peanut butter.”
Unorthodox and unlicensed nutritionist Marina Pruitt claimed there may be some benefits to Singleton’s “diet.”
“Most so-called doctors will tell you to avoid booze and any sandwich with a suffix such as ‘ator,’ ‘mania,’ or ‘supreme.’ But believe it or not, you can get all the nutritional value you need from beer alone,” explained Pruitt. “Think about it, you’ve got grains for carbs, water to keep you hydrated, and yeast, which contains essential amino acids. Then if you switch up your High Lifes for a fruity beer like Blue Moon, you get all kinds of vitamin C and shit. Sure, those beers are a little more expensive, but remember, your body is a temple.”
At press time, Singleton is currently recuperating after suffering from severe dehydration and explosive diarrhea, which he believes was caused by “preservatives and chemtrails or whatever.”
Devo’s 7th studio album was their first without drummer Alan “the human metronome” Myers, and folks, he dodged a bullet. The spud boys tried to get butts out to the dance floor with this bland techno-pop, but frankly I’d rather sign mine up to test rat traps on. Musically, this proves their de-evolution theory, though! Maybe that was the point?
The last album they released before calling it quits for the majority of the 90s. And, it was a well-earned respite, because these guys sound tired. One big redeeming aspect of this one was the Devo “uniform” for this era was straight-up leisure suits, and c’mon, that’s pretty funny.
Stuff you’ll find on “Shout”: the dinkiest synth trumpet sound you ever heard, Mark Mothersbaugh sounding like Sting sometimes for some reason, and a pretty solid Hendrix cover. Luckily, this sounds as though it’s likely what Paul Reubens heard and enjoyed enough to hire Mothersbaugh to score Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. Imagine if that position had gone to Hans Zimmer??!
Devo’s big comeback record doesn’t disappoint. A solid record that sincerely doesn’t sound at all like music made by dudes approaching their 70s. Hell, for all we know they ARE robots!
Now we’re talkin’! The follow up to their most popular album found them actively seeking to reject their newfound post “Whip It” fame and firmly digging their heels back into being uncool and proud of it. Also, it’s the one with the plastic pompadours.
Hell yeah. In a sea of bangers, gotta give a special shout-out to “Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA” for containing one of Bob Mothersbaugh’s career-best guitar solos. Heck, the same song’s even one of Mark’s best synth solos. Dang, should this be ranked higher??
A potentially controversial rank position, but I’m ready to defend myself. I’m talking physically, too. Even if it boiled down to fisticuffs, I think I’d be able to hold my own… we Devo freaks aren’t an especially buff bunch, but we do fight very dirty. Anyway, this album rules.
Between Whip It, Girl U Want, and the introduction of the now-iconic Energy Dome look, this album may be the “obvious” one… but bread is an obvious food, and it’s still absolutely delicious.
Any one of these songs could, and should, replace the Star Spangled Banner as our National Anthem.
