DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local delinquent Christine Pritchard surprised friends and family when she somehow obtained a prescription for cigarettes, according to impressed fellow small-time grifters.…
MENOMONEE FALLS, Wis. — Local youngster Phoebe Flax, age 9, is reportedly selling loose cigarettes alongside her delicious lemonade, according to teenagers enjoying the smooth,…
I wait tables at a French bistro in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. We’ve got a Michelin star, a killer take on steak-frites, and…
PASADENA, Calif. – Southern California native Zack Martin admitted his favorite summer activity is smoking cigarettes in his apartment with the AC absolutely blasting, sources…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
Hey Dad, I know it’s been about 9 years since I last saw you but if you are out there I have something to tell…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own cigarettes, annoyed friends report. “Not…
PROVIDENCE— 38-year-old punk Richard Locke is trying to improve his physical fitness by switching to a brand of cigarettes heavy enough to double as a…
HOUSTON — Local vaper Chris Garcia finally hyped himself up enough to hang out with a group of cigarette smokers outside of a punk show…
MANDAN, N.D. — A new queer punk advent calendar became immensely popular when it advertised the fact each door contains a partially smoked cigarette, customers…
PHILADELPHIA — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed the average American punk consumes a half-dozen cigarettes in their sleep throughout the year, according to a…
PHOENIX — Local punk Frankie “Bullet” Higgins is quietly and privately working through the trauma of leaving his Yellow American Spirits sitting in the scorching…
PHILADELPHIA – Local venue The Jungle Room is having their most profitable summer season yet after introducing an enticing new frozen treat, sources who really…
GRAND FORKS, N.D. — Marjorie and Gerald Spitz attempted to lure their wayward crust punk son home using his two favorite things as bait —…
John Carpenter is one of the all-time greats. A legendary writer, filmmaker, and musician whose work includes classics like “Halloween” and “The Thing.” More importantly,…