PALM BEACH, Fla. — Hawaiian shirt and khaki short-wearing mourners on beaches across the country solemnly participated in a memorial Happy Hour of Silence to honor the late Jimmy Buffet, sources confirmed.
“The second I heard Jimmy went to the great beach party in the sky, I knew I had to get to the closest tiki-themed bar and raise a glass,” said 63-year-old Dave Lamon. “But even though I was tempted to pop ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ on the jukebox and do a rowdy singalong, it didn’t feel right. This was the time to reflect quietly on the gift Jimmy gave us while I cried silently into my electric blue tropical drink. And I’ll tell you what, I wasn’t the only one. The bar ran out of paper umbrellas by 2 p.m., and I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard a single word uttered other than a drink order or a muffled sob in the several hours I’ve been here.”
Christina McGown, a franchise owner and manager of a Margaritaville Resort, lent her insight into what the chain is doing to honor their fallen founder.
“It is a sad, sad day here in Margaritaville,” said McGown while draping the resort bar’s tables in black tablecloths. “We will be holding a candlelight vigil for the next several days in order to properly mourn the late Mr. Buffet. I even ordered these special black martini glasses that should be delivered tomorrow. I’m thinking that we swap out all the plastic pink flamingos for crows or something too, since Halloween stuff is in stores already. Oh, and we can get one of those industrial spray paint things and coat the palm trees! Wait, am I enjoying getting to do something different for a change? I’m sorry, I need to go listen to our theme song and get back in the correct headspace, I’m clearly not thinking correctly.”
Music critic Stanley Hamper reflected on Buffet’s iconic career.
“I can guarantee you that old guys who have made their whole personality liking coconuts or whatever are having the worst day of their lives,” Hamper said. “Now that Jimmy is gone, they have no one to look up to. No one to point to and say ‘If he’s made a career out of being an ultra-laid back beach bum, why can’t I?’ when their wives complain that fishing isn’t a replacement for a real job. But you know what, I’m being too harsh. I’ve felt this cosmic pull to pour myself a drink with 36 grams of sugar and sit in the sun all day, and honestly, I’m done fighting that urge. I’ll see you in the morning when I wake up with the worst hangover of all time.”
At press time, Lamon was seen futilely trying to start a funeral procession of golf carts.
Joey Cape from Lagwagon is a prolific and talented individual. Obviously, his primary project is too large of an entity to get praise here, but Cape’s alternative-rock-leaning Bad Astronaut is truly BADass, and released their first LP “Acrophobe” via Fat Wreck Chords’ subsidiary label Honest Don’s Records. HDR albums get a lot of love in this piece, but BA deserves a specific amount of yellow daffodils and fancy grey suits as well. At just twenty-six minutes and twenty seconds, “Acrophobe” is a ten-song experience that deserves a front-to-back listen even if your older brother didn’t claim to listen to Bad Astronaut; kids don’t like to share. If you still haven’t checked this incredible band out, your guilt must be so huge… Ten short tracks, one giant victory!
San Diego, California’s The Bombpops released their debut album “Fear of Missing Out” via FWC in 2017. Catchy as hell and uber-sugar sweet, the band is one of the brighter lights to come out via Fat Wreck Chords this century. It seems that a bunch of the old-school punk bands agree, as The Bombpops have shared the stage with the legendary Descendents and the almost-as-legendary Bad Religion. Fun fact: The band’s vocalist and guitarist Jen “Jen Pop” Razavi’s solo project via Fox and Clown deserves a listen as well, even if it isn’t exactly punk and is the dreaded hyphenated word known as “dark-pop” that is populated by such artists as Lorde the Royal and the Serpent. You readers have such open minds, actually you most certainly don’t, so you can’t go back now; Michelle Branch should and would be proud.
Chabad Religion’s debut self-titled ten-song LP is a short but not rushed thirteen-minute and fifteen-second album of Jewish hymns featuring Yotam Ben Horan of Useless ID on vocals that is, is executed so well it rivals its sole FWC competitor in the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes’ live record from the wacky time that they ruined Jonny’s Bar Mitzvah. Produced by Fat Mike’s production team The D-Composers, Chabad Religion deserves to end more bris’ than “Sweet Caroline.” We’d also love to see Chabad Religion take it on the run and the CHin, with an extra emphasis on “CH” like CHallah and CHanukah!
Cokie the Clown’s 2019 LP “You’re Welcome” is a tough, raw, and uncomfortable listen from Fat Mike’s alter ego Crack the Sad Harlequin. If you want proof of our posit, spin this album’s opening track “Bathtub”. Oy. Not oi. If you can make it through this opener and the following nine tracks without a confluence of negative emotions, you’re not welcome here. Fat Mike is normally “F” for “Funny,” but this record is “B” for “Bummer” in the best way. Featuring production from Danny Lohner of Nine Inch Nails fame, Travis Barker of +44 on pots and pans, and Dizzy Reed of Guns N’ Roses and Not Wankers on a keytar, “You’re Welcome” is deserving of a sequel, and also isn’t. Fun fact that is also not so fun: Check out NOFX’s “My Orphan Year” for more smiles.
Since we are making no low-hanging fruit Fred Durst jokes here we will inform you that Jonathan Davis of Soulfly once told us that he loved Limp’s debut album “Pop and Disorderly” even more than he dug Strung Out’s now-classic “Heavy Petting Zoo.” All true. While its other tracks are melodic, strong, and chock-filled with super-duper vocal harmonies, we’d like to say on record that if the band just released its fun, fun, fun cover of Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac’s “Holiday Road” thirteen times as this LP, it would still likely be ranked both here and on Bill Hader’s mantlepiece. If you had a chance to catch Limp on tour with The Suicide Machines, Mephiskapheles, and Telegraph in the late ’90s, you have more street cred than both Paula and Monica.
If you like your third-wave ska with a hearty/meaty/tasty/horne-y dose of Dixieland jazz then Solvang, California’s Mad Caddies are for both you and Solvang’s deceptively large Danish population. If not, then distress. Anyway, Mad Caddies definitely got bigger and bigger with each album after this debut LP known as “Quality Soft Core,” but not fatter and fatter enough to NOT be underrated. This other Honest Don’s release was our gateway drug to the angry/crazy golf club carriers sans golf carts, and it physically forced us to get out of our wheeled chairs whilst holding our respective heads up high. In closing, 1997 was a solid year for the label with revered releases from NUFAN, L, HS, MFATGG, and other acronym acts that may not necessarily dig such acronyms. Basically, nobody does it better.
Imagine a group of ruffians from those creepy as hell Anonymous videos formed a pop-punk/power-pop band in single-colored ski masks inspired by acts like Screeching Weasel and The Mr. T Experience, and NOT inspired by Sleep Token, and you have Madison, Wisconsin’s Masked Intruder. The band’s debut self-titled record was originally released by Red Scare Industries, the former home of the aforementioned The Bombpops, in 2012, Fat re-released said LP the following year, and the then-new “M.I.” came out on FWC in 2014. At just over thirty minutes over the course of thirteen tracks, “M.I.” is a record that is too good to deny. Fans of doo-wop will especially love track seven, “Almost Like We’re Already in Love,” as it hearkens to the racist days of the 1950s, and weirdos from all decades will unabashedly like track eleven, “Weirdo” for obvious reasons.
Nerf Herder? More like NERD HERDER, amirite? Sorry, but now you’re gonna be the one who’s sorry. Apologies aside, after releasing their self-titled LP on a major label which inspired Gary Cherone to join and leave David Lee Roth’s Pasadena cover band, the self-described geek-rock pioneers called Nerf Herder followed said album with 2000’s “How to Meet Girls” on Honest Don’s Records/Fat Wreck Chords. Without a shred of irony, the album’s opener “Vivian” is one of the better pop-rock songs to be released this century, and we aren’t feeling bad at all about saying so. Star Wars jokes aren’t welcome here but Hole, Pantera, Henry Rollins, and Phil Collins zingers surely are! Sadly the band’s releases before 2000 and just afterwards seem to get the most love, but this gem deserves all of the Cabo Wabo it can drink and all of the keys that Matt Sharp can play!
CAPS LOCK ALERT: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LOVE WE SHARED? DON’T ANSWER THAT, AND PLEASE MAKE THIS PERFECT ALBUM AVAILABLE ON SPOTIFY AND/OR APPLE MUSIC! Sorry for yelling. Hendon, London’s Snuff released “Demmamussabebonk,” one of the better punk rock albums you’ve never heard, in 1996, and Less Than Jake, who put out one of their best LPs “Borders & Boundaries” on FWC but they’re too sizable to be listed here, owes their entire career to this Viking band who combined horns and aggression in a righteous way. We are not ashamed to admit that we proofread this album title a lot more than others here for accuracy, and we implore you to marvel at this band’s discography/other album title names. This is also the oldest studio album on this marvelous list, and what’s older is always better unless it isn’t.
We once read in an inferior publication referencing both grips and Dick Cheney that the late Tony Sly of No Use For A Name’s 2010 solo album “12 Song Program” is Fat Mike’s favorite release on his label. While we are not going to argue with his opinion, which is an extremely heartfelt and bold one, we are choosing to supplant it as a top-ten underrated entry here. Sly passed just two short years after “12 Song Program” was released at the young age of forty-one, leaving a wife and two children behind. We’re choosing to go off-brand here and not include any witticisms or “witticisms” moving forward: Check out this succinct LP right now and dive into NUFAN’s discography if you haven’t done so in a while, or never had the chance to.
It would be low hanging fruit to say that I didn’t enjoy this album all too much, so I won’t say that, but I’ll still let you know that I was clever enough to come up with it, and probably the first person to do so. This album is a very weird one for the band, they take their sound into some territories they hadn’t gone before, and, maybe for the best, wouldn’t ever again. Bathroom humor is turned up to 11 here, and the band even makes what sounds like an attempt at a metal-esque song with “Days Are Blood,” which tends to feel a tiny bit repetitive over it’s nearly 8 minute run time, making it about 7 minutes longer than what Descendents fans are used to. There are some gems here, but there’s a reason it’s one of the least talked about Descendents albums.
Descendents try to be a bit experimental with their sound on this one, and it doesn’t always land. The best songs on “All” are the ones that stick to the tried and true Descendents formula. It’s not a bad thing to experiment, but sometimes it’s just best to stick with the formula that works. Because if you mess with what works, you end up like new Coke, or any Simpsons episode after season 12. Actually, both of those things are still pretty successful. I guess that shows how much I know. Feel free to use that against me when you tell me how bad this ranking is and how your opinion is so much better.
If you’re not already into Descendents, this album probably won’t be the one to change that, but if you’re already into them, then it’s definitely worth the listen. It’s a collection of songs that were written before “Milo Goes To College,” before Milo was even in the band, recorded with the lineup we all know and love. It’s definitely interesting to hear where the band came from and get a sense of how they became what they are now. It’s sort of like the Star Wars prequels, minus the whining fanbase that likes to argue whether or not it’s any good.
“Cool To Be You” packs a lot of the same style of lyrics about farts, being bullied in school, and never making it with your crush that you heard from Descendents in the ‘80s. The problem with that is that the band was about two decades older this time around. Listen, no one’s above a good fart joke, but a handful of these songs still sound like they were written by a bitter high school kid. However, it’s only a small minority of songs that fall victim to this, and if you can look past those few rough spots, the album is pretty good, even if it sounds a bit too polished at times. The album’s namesake “Cool to Be You” feels more like a grown up Milo taking a more mature look at the feelings of not fitting in that he wrote about in previous albums, “One More Day” is a heartfelt and emotional song about the passing of drummer Bill Stephenson’s father, and “Nothing with You” is just a really fun song, as are most of the other songs on this album.
If “Cool To Be You’s” sense of humor showed us anything, it’s that the band really took this album’s title to heart. This album features Descendents at the peak of their immature humor (which we here at The Hard Times are so clearly above), and while it doesn’t always land, sometimes it does. And regardless, the songs themselves are really good. They have the raw sound you’d expect from an LA punk band in the ‘80s, and Milo still manages to pull off many sincere moments throughout the album in its occasional step into a more melodic territory.
Anyone who’s ever read a “top 10 punk facts you didn’t know” probably already knows that Milo took a break from Descendents to go do important science stuff. Well after 9 years, he came back, and much like on “Hypercaffium Spazzinate,” the band clearly wanted to make a statement with their comeback. And that they did. It keeps the Descendents tradition of balancing melody and energy and pulls it off extremely well. Give this one a spin and see why your cooler older cousin was always talking about this album.
After clicking on this article, you probably went right to the end to make sure this is number one. It is, don’t worry, you can go back and start the article from the beginning now. This paragraph will still be here when you get back. This is considered their magnum opus for a reason. It never lacks energy, but it never feels too aggressive. It’s often credited as being the starting point for melodic hardcore, which is objectively the best punk genre, regardless of what your friend with a concerning interest for d-beat might insist. Aside from a few questionable lyrics that the band has now decided to leave out in live performances, the album doesn’t have any low moments. It’s an iconic punk album for a reason.
This guy is lawful-evil incarnate. As a rule, never trip with someone who has had anyone lobotomized before, especially their own wife. He was a monstrous husband, even by the metric of ‘40s rich white guys, and not much better of a father. I would trip with my own Dad before I tripped with Beatrice’s.
This would be like eating shrooms with Jeff Bezos if Jeff Bezos had confirmed kills. The only reason he’s not dead last is because he’s voiced by Stephen Root, and isn’t that guy just a treasure?
Obviously a poor choice, he’s a narc and he loves entrapment. Even if he was going to be cool about it, the guy is a loose cannon.
Somehow on a show where most of the characters are animals, Vance is the one most likely to bite you. He starts as Mel Gibson and then somehow gets worse. Unless you like being in the background of TMZ celebrity meltdown videos or getting brought to sketchy parties and ditched, Vance is one of the last people you want to do drugs with or even be around.
Wow, 5 entries in and I am already regretting my decision to trip with one of these characters. Well, Butterscotch is a stone-cold bummer. Even the fact that he’s a talking horse won’t charm you out of being dragged down by his self-serious degenerate Jack Kerouac wannabe demeanor—another hard pass.
Tripping on mushrooms while an aged and bitter J.D. Salinger calls you a phony is literally something that happens when you go to hell.
One of the unwritten rules of tripping is “Never trip with a cult leader.” In fact, they really ought to write it down, it’s pretty important. It’s been proven that hallucinogenic drugs can put the user in a more suggestible state, and once I reached that state this dude would yes-and me out of house and home for sure.
Some research has suggested that mushrooms can actually help repair the brain, but probably not after your evil husband cuts a big piece of it out. Sorry, Honey. For, like, a lot.
I wouldn’t even buy mushrooms from Ritchie Osbourne let alone trip with him. This former child actor turned shady sleazeball drug lord pimp is one of the most despicable characters on the show, and on this show that’s saying a lot. Go home, Goober!
There’s only one news anchor I: would ever do shrooms with and Peter Jennings is dead.
If I wanted to spend my entire mushroom trip with an overly critical voice telling me I’m inadequate I would just do it alone.
Sure, Ralph is “nice,” but he’s a total square! He’s definitely never done mushrooms before, and I don’t want to have to babysit him after he peaks and realizes his privileged family is racist toward cats.
Best case scenario, Flip would spend the entire trip telling you how brilliant his latest project is. More likely, he’ll get insecure and violent and do whatever he can to get you naked.
I mean, hopefully, he’s sober again, right? Right?
He would be charming at first, but then your third eye would open and you would see right through him.
I feel like Gekko would find a way to make tripping a competition somehow. Like she would make a bunch of passive-aggressive brags about how the shrooms are hitting her harder and how much better her visuals are, and suggest I look into getting on her level.
“Hey, it’s not like we’re strung out on LSD!”
If you think the titular character belongs at the top of this list you haven’t watched the show. Sure he can be fun if you catch him on a good day, but the wind never stays just right for BoJack very long does it? One minute he’s the life of the party buying restaurants on a whim just to show off, the next he’s calling himself from your phone to make it look like he wasn’t there when you overdosed.
He’s part Quentin Tarantino, part spider, two creatures whose work I respect (making cool movies and controlling fly populations respectively) but never want to be alone in a room with. Especially on drugs.
I’m as pro-choice as the next guy but Sextina’s celebratory views on abortion might be a little heavy to handle on shrooms.
Hollyhock can’t handle her high, and if she winds up panicking and going to the hospital you’ve got eight pissed-off dads to answer to.
Let’s open the allegorical door right from the get-go: Silverchair truly doesn’t have a bad album, and their sophomore LP “Freak Show” still shines brighter than most ‘90s records and a carefully cultivated combination of blue-green petrol and piss yellow-green chlorine. Still, one entry had to be listed last, so we encourage you to start freaking out both your body and soul right now and for the rest of your lives. 1997’s “Freak Show” is the equivalent of Green Day’s underrated “Insomniac,” which came out just two years before. Why? Well, “Insomniac” is also a second major label release, and both “Freak Show” and “Insomniac” are angry follow-ups to breakout studio albums with better production but slightly worse songs. Another note worth mentioning is that all of the pieces but one listed here’s “play it again” sections highlight said album’s opening tracks; Silverchair sure knows how to start a party.
While Silverchair obsessors low, high, down yonder, and up above clamor for more and more records, we sadly still think that it’s good that they never had a chance to make a universally known stinker like several post-“Pinkerton” Weezer LPs and every single album and song from Lil Xan. Silverchair’s as-of-now 2007 studio album finale “Young Modern” is their version of Title Fight’s third and also final-as-of-now studio album “Hyperview” in that it was a total divergence record that was both unique and cool, but not as enjoyable as the album that came before it. We’re not sorry at all for saying this, and we know that that previous sentence’s opinion that doubles as a fact will cause you to keep losing sleep; insomnia is for the birds… Swan songs are also literally for the birds.
There are happily no “skip it” tracks for the rest of these album rankings, but we sadly know that this specific sticky slot is going to ruffle some frog feathers. However, you’re always going to be wrong yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In a potentially or kinetically strong take, 1995’s multi-platinum Silverchair effort “Frogstomp” is the band’s “In Utero”. Basically, it isn’t clean enough to be quite like “Nevermind,” but it’s dirty and melodic enough to be mainstream like the previously referenced Seattle three-piece Blissful Heavenly Awakenings Of Ecstasy could only be. Power trios can truly rock hard, and this teenage dirtbag effort deservedly gets its flowers, even if Daniel Johns publicly disavows much of it. Oh well. Bassist Chris Joannou and drummer Ben Gillies probably still privately rock this and find a way to do so with the rest of the band’s extensive and brilliant catalog!
Our point of view: 1999’s “Neon Ballroom” is Silverchair’s “Revolver” in terms of a sound sonic progression that still keeps much of the band’s character, but is far more complex, and, dare we say it, adult. Gasp! Do you feel the same? Regardless, said puberty maturation changes completely make sense as the band were literally not old enough to register for the American military during the release of their previous two albums, but could now legally harm foreigners like all members of the Fab Four. Fun fact: The actual pianist who inspired “Shine,” David Helfgott, for lack of a better word, absolutely freaking shines on “Emotion Sickness” in a haunting and powerful fashion. Don’t Geoffrey Rush through this LP, do not pass go, do not collect $1999 Australian dollars, and please build it up in the year 2023.
After all these years, 2002’s “Diorama” still holds up, and is the band’s “Pet Sounds.” Bold posit? Yes. True? Well you don’t know the truth and Jack Nicholson’s iconic character in “A Few Good Men” knows! Anyway, The Beach Boys, and particularly Brian Wilson, would be honored that a post-grunge band not only also worked with Van Dyke Parks, but created a timeless album filled with a constant flow of good vibrations. Also, it doesn’t get mentioned enough that Silverchair absolutely crushed live, as evidenced by the epic tour on this LP’s album cycle. Still, wouldn’t it be nice if this record received as much love stateside as it did globally? Don’t answer that, as God only knows why. In closing, despite not spelling the word “favorite” with a “u,” it’s clear that a majority of U.S. Americans are idiots, and “Diorama” should have been much more revered here.