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9-Volt Battery Found Dead in Wah-Wah Pedal

TACOMA, Wash — A 9-volt battery was found dead inside a wah-wah pedal last night shortly after noise-rock band Necro Echo entered their rehearsal space,…

Life of the Party Dead at 25

LOS ANGELES — Described by loved ones as “charismatic,” “fun,” “unpredictable,” and “always the life of the party,” Clark Tomlinson passed away last night at…

‘Punk Is Dead’ Stance Enters Fourth Decade

CHICAGO — Local curmudgeon Benjamin Dahl reaffirmed his decades-old “punk is dead” stance shortly after procuring tickets to the It’s Not Dead Fest, according to…