Scientific research suggests that music impacts the limbic system in such a profound way that it mimics the effects of cocaine. We’re pretty sure that’s bullshit, though. We can’t remember the last time a song made us shit our pants, lose fifteen hundred dollars, and never speak to our friend Zach again.

Despite our rebuttal, we can’t deny that a great new song has the ability to make us feel good. We definitely don’t want you to think we’re holding out, so here’s a free taste of what we’ve been bumping this week.

Fall Out Boy “We Didn’t Start the Fire”

Like prying eyes glued to a catastrophic trainwreck, our ears can’t seem to be pulled away from this monstrosity. We didn’t ask for this, you didn’t ask for this, literally no one asked for this. Billy Joel doesn’t even really like the original version, and he wrote the damn song. Still, for some reason unbeknownst to us, Fall Out Boy have decided to update Joel’s questionable classic, ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire,’ effectively ruining what little charm the original had left. In an interview about the abysmal cover, Pete Wentz stated that they “just wanted to give the internet something new to complain about” and in his defense, we’ll probably be hate-listening to this one until the second someone releases something more embarrassing.

M. Ward, First Aid Kit “too young to die”

Indie elder-statesman and troubadour M. Ward recently released his star-studded follow-up to 2020’s Migration Stories. It’s a chaotic trek through multiple genres and production styles all featuring Ward’s airtight songwriting sensibilities. A major highlight comes in the form of the track ‘too young to die’ which features the inimitable vocal stylings of Swedish folk duo First Aid Kit. Armed with their dulcet tones and Ward’s optimistic lyricism, this track is absolutely gorgeous. With lines like ‘teach a kid guitar, he’ll be broke the rest of his life, but too young to die’ it’s sure to be the feel-good hit of the summer.

The Dead Milkmen “How Do You Even Manage to Exist”

At the risk of sounding political and alienating some of our readership… restaurant customers are the fucking worst. Especially those who take too long to order once they finally get to the counter of our favorite sandwich shop. We’ve always hoped someone would come along and release a scathing protest track about what we consider to be the greatest problem facing the nation today. Personally, we didn’t feel like this was too much to ask, but we were starting to lose faith that it would ever happen. That is until The Dead Milkmen released their new record, ‘Quaker City Quiet Pills,’ a few weeks ago. Apparently, they too felt so charged about this issue that they broke a nine-year studio hibernation to cut the Suicidal Tendencies-esque ‘How Do You Even Manage to Exist.’ If only the government would wake up to the plight of efficient deli patrons and take action.

Jeff Rosenstock “Doubt”

The cat’s out of the bag. After days of taunting us on social media with cryptic posts written in wingdings, Jeff Rosenstock has finally announced his latest full-length ‘HELLMODE,’ which is set to be released on September 1st. Accompanying this announcement is the new single ‘Doubt,’ which pulls listeners in with a wonderfully melancholy and repetitive post-punky riff before devolving into the fuzzy noise-pop that has become Rosenstock’s M.O. It’s a wild ride that will make you feel like you’re listening to every song on your Punk Discovery playlist simultaneously, freeing up precious time to sit listlessly on the couch while pondering life’s mistakes. It’s not our fault you didn’t listen to the lyrics.

Joanna Sternberg “The Song”

New York City’s best kept secret, Joanna Sternberg, released their long awaited sophomore album ‘I’ve Got Me’ on Friday, and it did not disappoint. Weaving folk-punk sensibilities atop brilliant melodies and heartbreaking lyrics of a love gone sour, Sternberg’s voice evokes Joni Mitchell as much as it does Daniel Johnston. If you happen to be working on your new ‘solo’ album at the time of this pressing, you may want to skip the album’s closing track ‘The Song.’ Unless, of course, you want to scrap the entire project and throw your laptop in a river upon the realization that nothing you create could even come close to how goddamn beautiful this closing track is. If your ego happens to be less fragile, though, it can’t be missed.

It’s not just new music that makes us feel invincible while getting temporarily banned from all of our favorite bars. Sometimes less contemporary jams get us buzzing too. Here are a few of our tried and true hits we’ve been spinning just to take the edge off. We can quit anytime we want to.

Fishbone “Sunless Saturday”

One of our writers has been pretty quiet this week, with the only sound coming from his office being this Fishbone classic. It’s an insanely fun funk-metal burner with melancholy lyrics about the state of the world. Compounding the somber nature of the track is the fact that the lyrics are just as relevant today as they were 32 years ago. When we asked if he wanted to talk about anything, our depressed writer stated he was just looking forward to the weekend, which was forecasted to be cloudy at the time. Can’t say we didn’t try, though!

Rage Against the Machine “How I Could Just Kill A Man”

ICYMI, we recently just ranked RATM’s studio output. Everyone agreed with it because we were completely correct and a heartwarming parade of praise graced our comment sections for days. The only problem is that we can’t stop listening to them now, which has made the writer’s room notably aggro. We’re not sure when we can replace all the desks that have been broken and the editing team is unsure how long the barricades in their offices will hold the next time Rage’s excellent Cypress Hill cover, ‘How I Could Just Kill A Man,’ comes up in the rotation.

Fugazi “Smallpox Champion”

Fugazi’s seminal masterpiece ‘In On The Killtaker’ celebrated its thirtieth anniversary this week. We were going to do a lengthy think-piece about how influential and groundbreaking the album was, but then we started thinking about how old we’ve been getting. To be honest, this led to a pretty lengthy funk that we’re still getting out of. Existentialism aside, ‘Smallpox Champion’ rips almost hard enough to make us feel things again. That is until some of the album’s headier tunes come on, of course. Anyway, happy birthday, IOTK!