Dealer Tag Archives

Every “Breaking Bad” Dealer Ranked by How Comfortable You’d Be Buying Drugs From Them

Nigel Powers • March 14, 2024

"Breaking Bad," along with "The Sopranos" and "The Wire" in the 2000s and early 2010s, defined the golden age of…

Donnie Darko Still Ranked Number One Movie You Absolutely Have to See According to Your Dealer

Dan Kozuh • July 2, 2023

CHICAGO — A new meandering voicemail from your dealer indicated that “Donnie Darko is still the movie you absolutely must…

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Worst Co-Worker Also Best Drug Dealer

Jason VanSlycke • June 10, 2023

OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the…

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The Hard Times Guide To Convincing Your Parents You Are Definitely Not Meeting Up With Your Dealer on Christmas Eve

Grace Hunziker • December 24, 2022

Christmas is supposedly the most wonderful time of the year. Yet it's the most difficult to navigate without a little…

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5 Weed Strains That Go Terribly With Our Dealer’s Long, Meandering Story

Dan Rice • September 21, 2021

Any true connoisseur of cannabis knows that it’s all about the right pairing. Just as you need the right wine…

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Weed Dealer Released From Prison Unqualified To Work At Dispensary

Nick Ortolani • July 12, 2021

YONKERS, N.Y. — Darnell Hudgens, recently paroled from Westchester County Correctional for marijuana distribution, is reportedly encountering challenges obtaining a…

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coke, cocaine, drug, cop, corrupt, illegal

Cop Worried Dealer Is Spitting in His Cocaine

Ryan Danley • August 25, 2020

SEATTLE — Seattle Police Lieutenant Chuck Haines is beginning to worry that his dealer may be tampering with his cocaine,…

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Aging Punk Worried New Drug Dealer Is Scamming Her

Shea Strauss • December 15, 2019

COLUMBUS, Ohio — 41-year-old punk Kaira Rojas is concerned her new drug dealer is ripping her off, paying increasingly high…

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Drug Dealer’s Earlier Stuff Way Better

Johnny Mo • July 29, 2019

BOISE, Idaho — Self-proclaimed “Ted Head” and loyal trap house patron Dustin Ward spent last Monday afternoon reminiscing about the…

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Coke Dealer Only Thing Working in Punk Venue Bathroom

Lucas Passarella • December 22, 2018

ONEONTA, N.Y. — Patrons at punk venue The Station report that the only functioning fixture in the entire bathroom is…

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