WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was hospitalized last night after seeing a Tampon commercial during his bi-weekly hour of television, according to sources comforting…
BEND, Ore. — Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days last week tracking a man over several miles in what Carter claims was self…
HACKENSACK, N.J. — A new report from the Brookings Institute has found that nationwide gym closures due to the coronavirus have left the nation’s weird,…
If there’s one thing I’m sick of, it’s these out-of-touch bureaucrats in Washington telling me how to live my life. As far as I’m concerned,…
WASHINGTON — House and Senate Republicans agreed today that, rather than issue additional stimulus payments, Americans would be better off investing their previous stimulus in…
I live a simple life. I own a small emporium where I sell lithographs to the good folk of this here small seaside town. Even…
NASSAU, N.Y. — Local parents and staunch anti-vaxxers Shannon and Dane Wittle will promote their youngest child Ayden to the position of oldest child following…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Margery Watson’s annual Mother’s Day breakfast-in-bed was obstructed by her unsightly ventilator due to complications from an advanced case of COVID-19, depressed…
Our country is teetering on the brink of oblivion. Governments are looking to dismantle our very way of life and revoke our rights from under…
HEBRON, Ky. — Longtime Amazon fulfillment center worker Jayce Sheffield will use a combination of their accrued sick and vacation hours to attend their own…
WASHINGTON — A select group of centrist moderate Democrats are in talks to cooperate with COVID-19 on a path towards giving both parties what they…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Wendell Slacks, who has consistently boasted throughout the years about how proud he is to not own a TV, looks…
Caring for one’s mental health can be a challenge in the 21st century. With all of the modern world’s stressors and stimuli, it’s not hard…
LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help ensure social distancing in response…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…