Nick Ortolani, Author at HARDTIMES

We Sat Down with Ben Shapiro and His Teeny Tiny Little Legs Didn’t Reach the Floor

June 13, 2023

Some American thinkers have the power to shift the consciousness of the nation towards the betterment of all. Then there’s…

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We Spoke With Scene Legend, the Car Cassette Adapter

April 24, 2023

Every scene has unsung heroes. From the roadies to the merch guy to the dude who buys teens liquor, the…

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Inspiring! This Man’s Tesla Was Stolen, so We All Chipped in To Make Fun of Him

November 11, 2022

The road of life is full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and other geographical metaphors. When times are…

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Andy Dick Shocked When Emmys “In Memoriam” Segment Displays Date of His Impending Death

September 12, 2022

LOS ANGELES — Comedian/actor Andy Dick was mortified to see his name displayed during the Emmys “In Memoriam” segment despite…

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Stranger Things 5 Delayed Until US Releases Strategic Reserves of 1980s References

July 13, 2022

LOS ANGELES — Netflix announced that the next season of its popular, nostalgia-ridden sci-fi epic “Stranger Things” will be delayed…

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Weird Family Opens Presents Sober

December 25, 2021

GARY, Ind. — Cass Pollard was shocked this Christmas to discover that their partner’s family apparently opens Christmas presents stone-cold…

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Drummer Worried About Job Becoming Automated

September 14, 2021

BATON ROUGE, La. — Candace Lepetomayne, drummer for industrial band Manufuckturing Sextor, has become increasingly worried that her job will…

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Weed Dealer Released From Prison Unqualified To Work At Dispensary

July 12, 2021

YONKERS, N.Y. — Darnell Hudgens, recently paroled from Westchester County Correctional for marijuana distribution, is reportedly encountering challenges obtaining a…

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Metalhead, Canadian Argue Viciously Over Cultural Origins of Denim Vests

June 10, 2021

SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins…

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Steve From “Blue’s Clues” Sits in Shower After Solving Brutal Murder

May 15, 2021

NEW YORK — Owner and lead investigator of the Blue Prints Detective Agency, Steve, sat down and wept in his…

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