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Inspiring! This Man’s Tesla Was Stolen, so We All Chipped in To Make Fun of Him

The road of life is full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and other geographical metaphors. When times are tough, it’s imperative that we band together to help one another out. That’s why when this man’s Tesla was stolen, we all chipped in to make fun of him and boost the overall morale of our community.

In Chinese, the word for crisis is the same as the word for opportunity. To the man who owned the Tesla, the theft was a crisis, for it contained his identity. But to the community, it was an opportunity to point out that no adult should willingly purchase a vehicle whose primary selling points are onboard Karaoke and catching on fire.

Nevertheless, that didn’t stop us from seizing the opportunity to band together as a community and viciously ridicule Thodd for having what is essentially a suicidal iPad on wheels stolen from the sealed garage of his upscale New York apartment building. Sure, Thodd was upset beyond words, but he owns (or owned) a Tesla, so his feelings don’t matter.

In the weeks leading up to the car’s glorious theft (and hopefully eventual murder), Thodd was brimming with adulation for both the car and, in his words, its inventor Elon Musk. He was convinced that Musk was the world’s foremost thinker, capable of solving all of Earth’s problems, both material and ethereal.

Imagine our glee when we lambasted Thodd’s faith in a man who couldn’t even invent a theft-proof car. Take that, you gullible idiot!

Thodd had spent every last cent (or whatever it’s called) of his Bitcoin on the car. Imagine waking up one day to find the one thing you spent all your fake money on just…gone.


Thodd had only had the car for four full days before its sweet, savory theft. And in that period, he had revamped his wardrobe with exclusively Tesla-branded clothing, clothes which now surely remind him of the stupidest and worst thing in his entire life. The look on his face when we say “Woah, cool jacket man!” every time he walks by is god damned pricelss.

When times are toughest, we realize just how deep our network of support goes. We were all here for eachother when what we needed most was to make fun of a trust-funder going through their life’s only obstacle.