Nick Brandt
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April 18, 2026
AUSTIN, Texas — Tesla Inc. is reportedly manufacturing their vehicles to drive intentionally in motorists’ field-of-view blind spots, confirmed frustrated…
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S.L. Neechski
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March 16, 2026
AUSTIN, Texas — Tesla CEO and impossibly moronic manchild Elon Musk announced this week that Tesla will begin locking the…
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Tim Graham
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August 21, 2025
HAWTHORNE, Calif. — A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing, according to blood-spattered…
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Ben Friedman
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August 18, 2025
LOS ANGELES — Emergency crews were dispatched to the newly opened Tesla Diner after six patrons were left with life-threatening…
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Bobby Korec
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July 10, 2025
SAN FRANCISCO — Leftist software engineer Connor Newburg vocally expressed wishing that he could travel back in time to kill…
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Stephen Bell
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July 2, 2025
BOCA CHICA, Texas – The world’s richest man, Elon Musk, says that he will be creating a new political party…
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Ben Friedman
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June 21, 2025
OMAHA, Neb. — Recent budget cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration by the Trump Administration has rendered it…
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Mark Danowsky
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June 10, 2025
PHILADELPHIA — Local 39-year-old Dwight Jenkins went on a series of tirades decrying “Gen Z’s endless string of luck” and…
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SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is…
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Matt Husser
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May 3, 2025
BOSTON — Mark Wahlberg sparked controversy after claiming that Elon Musk's botched penis implant “wouldn't have gone down like that”…
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