Fucking Liar: We Showed Up at Randy Newman’s House Trying to Be His Friend And He Called Security on Us
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But if we are wise, we know that…
Read More →
Stephen Bell
101 stories found
In Honor of David Attenborough’s 100th Birthday, Here’s Some Narration We Did of Him Eating, Mating, and Showering
The British Isles are home to more than 67 million people. One of the rarest sights is that of a…
Read More →
Rebel Without a Cause Clearly Not Looking Very Hard
WESTERVILLE, Ohio — Rebellious and jaded teenager Cory Hall reportedly can’t find a single cause to support despite the plethora…
Read More →
Girl Boss Hires Girl Thugs to Beat Up Girl Union
TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious…
Read More →
Mötley Crüe Fans Disappointed After Nikki Sixx Discusses Time He Had Actual Consensual Sex With Someone
LOS ANGELES — Fans of the ‘80s hair metal band Mötley Crüe are reportedly heartbroken and disgusted after hearing bassist…
Read More →
That’s Weird: We Thought Our Friends Would Be More Envious of the Fact We Had an 11-Way With the Members of Reel Big Fish
Reel Big Fish is, without a doubt, the greatest ska band that came about as a result of third-wave ska…
Read More →
ICE Agents Begin Process of Arresting or Killing All 175 Million Witnesses to Their Latest Murder
MINNEAPOLIS — In the wake of murdering another U.S. citizen in Minneapolis this morning, ICE agents have already begun the…
Read More →
Wellness Check Called on Members of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard After Two-Month Gap with No New Album Released
MELBOURNE, Australia — Concerned fans of psychedelic rock outfit King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, best known for their succinct…
Read More →
Recession Indicator? Our Entire Economic System Is Based on the Exploitation of Laborers for the Surplus Value Their Labor Creates
Everyone these days is looking for recession indicators. Things like the price of Arizona Iced Tea, inverted yield curves, and…
Read More →
Well, Shit: This Douchebag Who Everyone Thought Peaked in High School Is Having a Successful Comeback in His 40s
So I knew this total jagoff Kevin Kergis, who everyone was absolutely certain peaked in high school. Unfortunately, he’s been…
Read More →