TRENTON, N.J. — Members of the newly formed girl union at the Girl Power company report being subjected to vicious union busting techniques and beatings at the direction of their girl boss, state several sources.
“These girls need to learn to lean into their work, and lean away from unions,” said girl boss Amanda Clark during her biweekly TED talk. “We here at Girl Power know that girls need to support each other, but not like with a union. I’m talking about words of affirmation or like splitting a bottle of wine, but also believing the complaints these girls have, except the complaints about vicious beatings at the hands of my armed thugs. Because those are complete fabrications.”
One girl thug was proud to talk about their role in busting up the newly formed girl union.
“I was so happy I was finally able to use my best friend and horse Caritz to smash into their picket line,” said paid thug and horse girl Bailey Simmons. “My daddy taught me that union dues are money that could be going to Jesus so it’s my god-given duty to be a strike breaker. I’m so happy I could also use my horse Caritz to bust up those striking hags because he’s finally useful for something besides being my only friend and lover.”
The girl union president Ariel Ortiz was quick to condemn the actions of the girl boss and her thugs.
“Initially I was happy to have a female CEO at Girl Power, but that optimism quickly faded,” stated Ortiz, attending to her horse-inflicted wounds. “The price of girl dinner has gone up by 200% due to inflation, scented candle prices are through the roof, and to top it all off things aren’t going well for a character in my fantasy fairy porn novel, so let’s just say I’m really going through it right now. But instead of showing some girl solidarity and increasing our wages Amanda decides to send a bunch of pink uniformed Pinkertons after us. I’ve been in other unions before and it turns out the beatings don’t hurt less if the person holding the club is male, female, or somewhere in between.”
At press time, it was announced that the girl boss was cutting paid family leave on the grounds that “no one would want to impregnate you fugly bitches anyway.”
