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Self-Conscious 12 Foot Tall Skeleton Lists Height as 14 Feet on Hinge

SPOKANE, Wash. — A 12-foot tall Home Depot skeleton found himself under a mountain of skepticism after listing his height as 14 feet on Hinge, users of the app have reported.

“Why is every one of my Hinge matches making such a big deal out of this? So I have one hangup about my height and I slightly embellished it, it’s not like that makes me an evil skeleton. If you were the tallest lawn decoration on the block and some slightly taller Amazon skeleton with insane rizz showed up next door, you might mentally grow a foot or two as well,” said the skeleton. “I didn’t think so many people would fact check my height when I’m already taller than a bus, but I guess being bisexual with a steady job doesn’t get you as far these days.”

One of the skeletons past dates admits she would have looked past his white lie if he hadn’t made height the center of the conversation.

“I’ve had some bad dates, but dinner with the Home Depot skeleton was by far the most awkward. As soon as we sat down at our table he blurted out that scoliosis runs in his family and that’s why he looks shorter than he is, as if he didn’t nearly hit every light fixture in the restaurant,“ said local woman Megan Weller. “And then he spent an hour trying to gaslight me into believing I was eight feet tall, which would make him 14 feet or some fucking boy math bullshit. I should’ve known better than to assume there was a brain in that gigantic skull of his.”

Relationship experts pointed out that nearly every online dating profile contains some kind of white lie, including those of seasonal lawn decorations.

“Dating in general is a biological game of showing off to attract a potential mate, so it only makes sense that even garish outdoor Halloween decorations will instinctively bolster their appearance to grab attention,” said psychologist and couple’s counselor Richard Bauman. “This behavior is predominant on dating apps with usual tropes like taking photos from low angles or pictures with decorations shorter than them. They can lie all they want, because it’s much harder to convince your date that your C batteries are really D cells.”

As of press time, the skeleton deleted Hinge out of frustration after seeing Weller walking down the street with popular “short king” Lewis, the spooky Target jack-o-lantern.