STARBASE, Tex. — Aerospace manufacturer SpaceX broke the Guinness World Record for tallest overcompensation ever built, eking out competitors like Burj Khalifa engineer Adrian Smith and Shaquille O’Neal after his comments about the WNBA, confirmed sources.
“The Burj Dubai is technically larger, but it’s not about the size of the ship. It’s the motion of the deeply-seated phallic insecurity,” said Guinness evaluator Michael Slovsky. “We have to examine these things holistically, asking questions like: how many women were talked over during the blueprinting process? How many atmospheres did the pilots lie about already penetrating? How many jet propulsion experts’ mothers were present at the first launch, telling them they’re big tough boys? All of these dynamics play a factor in our accomplishment calculus.”
Slovsky noted, in addition to the rocket’s height, it was the astronauts’ constant name-dropping of all the huge planets they were going to visit that secured their achievement.
“SpaceX thinks 124 meters is an impressive feat, but actually, a lot of women, I mean, um, galaxies, say it’s too much. Painful even. 40 meters is more than enough to satisfy most aphelions,” shouted RocketLab CEO Sir Peter Beck from his cherry red Lamborghini after not being let into the launch party. “Plus, I hear Starship can only generate 16 million pounds of thrust. Our machines can generate 20 million…probably up to 24, if we stopped using SSRIs (Space Science Research Institutes).”
When asked to prove this horsepower, Beck said they would but their engineers are just so tired from a full day of bench pressing 315 pounds and reading intersectional feminist literature that they probably shouldn’t.
“At the very least, it’s inspired my nine-year-old son not to become an astrophysicist, but to make things needlessly larger to compensate for his low self-esteem,” said nearby Texas resident Addison McLeary. “Since he heard about SpaceX, he started filling his backpack with loose gravel so he can brag about how heavy it is and photoshop himself next to foreign billionaires to show his classmates. Most of his friends are too young to even use Instagram so I don’t know why they’d care about him getting fake brunch with Sundar Pichai. So much for gentle parenting.”
At press time, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk responded to the accusation of overcompensation, simply by saying “Nuh uh!”
