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The Hard Times Guide To Convincing Your Parents You Are Definitely Not Meeting Up With Your Dealer on Christmas Eve

Christmas is supposedly the most wonderful time of the year. Yet it’s the most difficult to navigate without a little Christmas “tree” if you catch our drift. Being home for the holidays can be rough and sometimes the only cure for the Christmas blues is some Christmas “green.” Once again, if you catch our drift.

However, that can be difficult under the prying eyes of your family. Rest assured because the Hard Times has expertly curated the best tips for running your “errands” without alerting mom and dad.

Form a Concrete Alibi
When mom asks where you’re going at nine pm in sweats on Christmas Eve, make sure you have a concrete alibi or at least a passable excuse. Timeless classics include “just going for a walk” or “getting a bite to eat.” But the stakes are high this time of year and there are only so many places you can go on Christmas Eve to “catch up with an old friend.” So we suggest something a bit more nuanced. Perhaps say you are going to check out the neighborhood lights. Something festive and wholesome.

Timing is Key
When crafting your alibi, create a story that matches your timeline. Don’t forget to factor in transportation and enough time to chat with your dealer just long enough to pretend you care about what he’s been up to since last Christmas eve. After all, you don’t want to claim you’re going to get the mail and return two hours later with McDonald’s and a newly developed sense of whimsy.

You’re an Adult, Just Fucking Tell Them
For real. It’s just weed. Besides, it’d be legal if your parents hadn’t raised you in this dumbass state.

With these expertly curated tips, you’re sure to pull off a subtle and quiet exchange of goods. Now all that’s left to do is explain why your childhood bedroom smells like weed.