WASHINGTON — As confidence in America fades globally and domestically, polls find that Jackass is now the only American institution people trust.
“The American Dream is dead,” declared Rick Dale, a DC pollster with no light in his eyes. “Pointless wars, reflecting pools, AIPAC-owned politicians, and a dominant billionaire class have left Americans struggling to hold on to their love of their country and culture. The only institution still standing uncorrupted and true is Jackass. Trust in government, healthcare, media, and law enforcement has all cratered, but seeing Johnny Knoxville get flipped over by a bull and knocked the fuck out? That still has 100% of Americans standing up and saluting.”
Jackass: Best and Last is in theaters now, and Johnny Knocksville has confirmed there will be no further sequels. It’s been a good run, America.
