PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local punk Pattie “Two Dollar” O’Malley set up a foundation dedicated to researching and curing “coke dick,” a condition that renders…
The joyless march towards death comes with many indignities like wearing earplugs at concerts, knees that can’t outrun cops, or trading in your favorite Vans…
As millions of Americans are committing to a “Dry January” in earnest, millions more are realizing, “Hey, wait, what the fuck, I committed to being…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Nathan Burke was traumatized by an onslaught of unattractive people in Fairmount Park after he took acid on a picnic blanket…
REDDING, Calif. – Former junior high bully and antagonist of a 1990 anti-drug PSA Ryan Telley is reportedly still pushing handfuls of pre-rolled joints onto…
So you’re on a sobriety kick, I get it, we’ve all been there. Or, maybe you’re straight edge, haven’t even tasted the sweet release of…
Meet Brian Holly, a man whose life took an unexpected turn at a Dave Matthews Band concert. In the concert parking lot, he took mushrooms…
DARBY, Penn. — Local punk mother Janelle Zander was mortified to discover her son, whom she believed was out partying with friends, was actually diligently…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Disney’s beloved icon Mickey Mouse was unceremoniously fired after a decades-old airbrushed image of him smoking a joint recently surfaced online, Disney…
SPARKS, Nev. — Local methamphetamine addict Chuck “Bucket” Kane was shocked to discover an invitation to tour a secretive drug lab in his bag of…
ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Adam Rondeau was absolutely outraged that a venue did not provide a changing table in the men’s room so he…
LOS ANGELES — Local advocacy group the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign issued a chilling new public service announcement claiming overuse of marijuana could cause…
NEW ORLEANS — Ian McSeamus, the infamous frontman of the punk band Ghost Chode, announced that he is celebrating six months of sobriety which drew…
BOSTON — An adorable beginning to a relationship happened today as two punks had a meet-cute while accidentally Lady and the Tramp-ing line of cocaine,…