SEATTLE — A local property management company announced they will begin offering fully furnished punk houses which will include a guy who eats all the…
SEAGRAVES, Texas — Local machete-wielding family of murderous butchers, the Fletchers, are rallying against Hollywood’s constant belittling of their macabre lifestyle, terrified sources report. “Being…
LOS ANGELES — Director of the upcoming action thriller “Day Of The Eagle” Thad Phillips was able to use the classic The Runaways hit “Cherry…
Body mods have come a long way. Once a social oddity, it is now common to see piercings and tattoos on people in many walks…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary alt-crooner Morrissey admitted that he feels creatively fulfilled now that he is able to cancel his performances at the last minute…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
DALLAS — Legendary ass-kicking institution The School Of Hard Knocks celebrated yet another graduating class of macho, non-PC, bootstrap puller-uppers this past weekend, multiple sources…
LOS ANGELES — Members of pop rock outfit Maroon 5 are wondering when they will finally enjoy the fruits of the band’s success that their…
CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of his Dodge Ram 1500 may…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of this fucked world is actually…
Well lookie what we have here. The Mystery Machine and its group of do-gooders. Running around, looking at clues, and chasing supposed “monsters.” It’s time…
PHOENIX — Local punk and licensed therapist Dr. Tim “Roach” Rochestky, LPCC, suggested that a patient kick his square fuckhead of a dad off his…
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
BALTIMORE — Hardcore music aficionado Steve Settler and metalhead Jasyn Moore shared a tender moment when they simultaneously yelled “Go!” while listening to “Slaughter of…