I remember when this country had a pair! When I was growing up we didn’t have all the crybabies doing the tweets or the instergram.…
Why the fuck are the bride and groom barefoot? What the hell is this supposed to be about? Some sort of rooted-in-nature thing? Like they’re…
LOS ANGELES — Producers and directors tasked with creating a new batch of reboots were left scrambling to find new ways to express tone in…
DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s…
BOSTON — Local crowds rejoiced as legendary hometown rockers Aerosmith showed their Boston pride by performing a set filled with the city’s classic intoxicated racist…
DENVER — Local cryptocurrency trader, Evan Silver, pushed the limits of the definition of ‘friend’ when discussing a current relationship in which he was “put…
PHOENIX — Local Metalhead Josh Gunderson beamed with pride after realizing he is very close to owning a living room set thanks to several cinder…
We lost our star wide receiver Brandon Little in a terrible accident earlier this month, and the team was in a bad place. We had…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Executives at Apple TV responded to “an overwhelming amount of customer demands” by announcing that their network will now be referred to…
SEATTLE — A local property management company announced they will begin offering fully furnished punk houses which will include a guy who eats all the…
SEAGRAVES, Texas — Local machete-wielding family of murderous butchers, the Fletchers, are rallying against Hollywood’s constant belittling of their macabre lifestyle, terrified sources report. “Being…
LOS ANGELES — Director of the upcoming action thriller “Day Of The Eagle” Thad Phillips was able to use the classic The Runaways hit “Cherry…
Body mods have come a long way. Once a social oddity, it is now common to see piercings and tattoos on people in many walks…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary alt-crooner Morrissey admitted that he feels creatively fulfilled now that he is able to cancel his performances at the last minute…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…