SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside of bars again once coronavirus…
SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic selection of ancient texts and…
BOSTON — Recently deceased grandmother Anita Reilly’s bereaved found yesterday a trove of family recipes, including one for a beloved, secret family soup that was…
LOS ANGELES — World-renowned documentarian Ken Burns has already completed two episodes of a seven-part series addressing America’s ongoing Second Civil War, sources report. “It…
PHOENIX — 45-year-old punk rocker and local senior accountant Danny Rogers was spotted yesterday afternoon circling the “A” on a weekly PNL report during a…
LOS ANGELES — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences will add a Performative Allyship category for next year’s ceremony to celebrate actors who…
LOS ANGELES — Ronnie Jordan, the bassist for Los Angeles glam-rock band Humdinger, reached out to his band’s lead singer Dikki Spitz via celebrity video-sharing…
VENICE, Calif. — Local hardcore guy Dan “Nukka” Reilly was rushed to the emergency room with massive blood loss yesterday after attempting to remove the…
As a 20 year veteran of the police force, I am getting real tired of everyone bashing the shield. Somehow wearing this uniform every day…
As a proud American, I’m always looking for new business ventures. After a lot of research, my wife and I decided that we should start…
SEATTLE — Seattle Police Lieutenant Chuck Haines is beginning to worry that his dealer may be tampering with his cocaine, following a rash of well-publicized…
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the nation are reckoning with a party-wide fissure over whether pineapple is a suitable topping for bootlicking, sending think-tanks everywhere scrambling…
LOS ANGELES — Local tattoo artist “Big” Frank Kowlaski admitted today that he was profoundly impacted by a tattoo he inked last week of a…
DYERSVILLE, Iowa — The magical “Field of Dreams” that once hosted the ghosts of baseball greats like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson and Mel Ott has been…
I know all you libs are sitting home and watching the Lamestream Media right now. You’re seeing these “protestors” get picked off the street by…