PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist…
SEATTLE — New grocery store hire and hardcore punk Dan Lorenz has reluctantly chosen an alternative rock fan as his strongest workplace acquaintance, thanks to…
It’s been a tough month. We found a mint first-press copy of Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” on eBay that we couldn’t pass up so we’re…
CHICAGO — Local data analyst Jeanie Alvarez joined his coworker for a ride in her car last week, leaving him with an unexpected, everlasting feeling…
LOS ANGELES — 40-year-old IT worker Shane Bryce realized yesterday that he can’t imagine a time in his life where reading an entire book would…
DALLAS — Laid off mall security guard and avid Pantera fan Jamie Gunderson has essentially torn his apartment down to the studs with his fists…
After decades in television and cinema, if there’s one thing people remember about Tim Allen it’s the name he made for himself as an icon.…
PHILADELPHIA — Local Irish-themed punk rock band The Drunken Fighting Lads are being suspiciously protective of the ethnic background results they received in a recent…
WASHINGTON — Father Damien Karras was elated to hear during a recent conversation with the demon Pazuzu that his recently deceased mother, Mary Karras, was…
DORAL, Fla. — Professional swimwear model and University of Miami co-ed Sarah Nguyen has sadly found her countless attempts at friend-requesting new and interesting people…
There’s no denying Biden has many challenges to overcome in order to heal our divided nation. He certainly has his work cut out for him.…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
DENVER — Local 39-year-old Justin Shaffer is struggling to describe his favorite band without using the often-maligned word “emo” to describe them, despite that being…
PORTLAND, Ore. — The local apartment complex Oakwood Estates is allegedly really liberal with their definition of the term “estates,” according to sources who took…
LOS ANGELES — “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” head writer Stephen Sanders has completely run out of the show’s trademark “especially heinous” plotlines, sources…