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Donnie Darko Still Ranked Number One Movie You Absolutely Have to See According to Your Dealer

CHICAGO — A new meandering voicemail from your dealer indicated that “Donnie Darko is still the movie you absolutely must see in order to understand the human condition, confirmed multiple other “customers” who received a similar message.

“I can’t believe how many of these Gen Z kids haven’t seen ‘Donnie Darko.’ Its a trippy mind fuck of a movie that plays with the concept time but never takes itself too seriously,” said one drug dealer who wished to remain anonymous when reached for comment and for MDMA. “We’re talking Jake Gyllenhaal before he was famous playing Donnie, and he is this kid that is all sorts of messed up but you can totally relate to him. A modern day Holden Caulfield. Anyone can borrow my Blu-Ray edition as long as they have a Playstation that still plays DVDs. I’m free to watch it with anyone right now as a matter of fact.”

Regular customers of said dealers, however, are growing tired of hearing about the movie.

“It’s the same thing every fucking time I talk to the guy, it’s like he’s on the ‘Donnie Darko’ street team or something. I’d look for someone else to buy my ketamine from, but no matter who I find, they all want to talk about that fucking movie,’” casual drug user Dawn Price said just before the psilocybin hit. “I always tell them that I saw it and it was fine but that isn’t good enough. They go into how I must not have been in the right ‘headspace’ for viewing or it would be my favorite movie of all time. Yeah, I was high on GHB when I watched. I think that is just about the right headspace.”

Film Historian Lola Foster had a difficult time explaining the lasting impact of the film.

“You would think that stoner comedies like ‘Half Baked’ or ‘Pineapple Express’ would be at the top of the list, but no, it’s always ‘Donnie Darko,’ no matter where we canvas,” Foster said. “I mean, it’s a perfectly adequate weird little indie film, but there must be something about it that burnouts, particularly suburban male burnouts, really relate to. Which is kind of worrying, the more that I ponder it. I think it’s one of those things we will never really figure out.”

As of press time, researchers were unable to leave a specific dealer’s apartment until they heard his theory on ‘The Blair Witch Project.”