The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
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Jason VanSlycke
30 stories found
All Grown Up? A Boy Named Goo Goes By Goobert Now
Bro, you know that guy I work with? The one who is always taking off his clothes and smearing his…
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Punk Time Capsule Just Filled With Drugs
PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to…
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Adorable Biker Gang Wearing Matching Outfits
DENVER — Local biker gang The Chaos Crusaders was reportedly riding around town in matching outfits, captivated and deafened sources…
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DEA Reschedules Marijuana After Having Their Minds Blown at Those Phish Sphere Concerts
WASHINGTON — The Drug Enforcement Agency announced plans to reschedule marijuana from the strict Schedule I classification to the chiller…
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Worst Co-Worker Also Best Drug Dealer
OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the…
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In Lieu of Living Wage Boss Agrees to Let Employees Come in Baked as Fuck
DURANGO, Colo. – Employees at a local insurance office were granted permission to arrive to work baked out of their…
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Did Limp Bizkit Predict the Future? Because Everything Is Fucked and Everybody Sucks
Is Fred Durst a prophet speaking to our generation about the horrors of living during the decline of the American…
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Opinion: Red Hot Chili Peppers Is Just Phish for People Who Like Red Hot Chili Peppers
Quick! Name a forty-year-old funky rock quartet known for on-stage nudity, a history of substance abuse, and dedicated fans who…
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End of an Era: Love Shack Demolished as Developers Plan High Rise Fuck Condos
ATLANTA – The Love Shack, a beloved little old place where we can get together for decades made famous by…
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