Hey there, little guy. I’m your uncle, John, but everyone calls me Bonez. So… what colors you like? Nothing? Okay then, what’s your favorite Disney…
MILWAUKEE — A feral hair-metal band identifying itself as Twisted Sister broke into the home of and terrorized a local family yesterday, ultimately leaving the…
BETHESDA, Md. — President Donald Trump is recovering from COVID-19 symptoms and home from the hospital where he keeps asking doctors when he can have…
Beige cinderblock walls. A broken intercom system. The cold indifference of my captors. If I didn’t know better I’d say this was high school. But…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — An artistically noisy altercation between neighbors escalated yesterday when Sonic Youth’s “Confusion Is Sex” was cranked to full volume and used…
I’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say about Weird Al? The genius of all geniuses, the prince of parody, the maestro of music…
“The Fox and The Hound” is a Classic animated Disney feature about two best friends who, upon reaching adulthood, found themselves on opposing sides of…
DENTON, Texas — Children’s literature icon Waldo was found yesterday within a local black metal band logo after nearly 30 minutes of attempting to understand…
Face masks have become commonplace in this current era. Some of us are buying fancy masks off Etsy. Some of us are mugging health care…
Like any responsible citizen I keep track of international news and, while this isn’t an endorsement of the leadership of Kim Jong-Un or North Korea,…
Damnit! Oh no, oh fuck, I just hit Deerhoof with my car! Look, first of all, it’s been raining all weekend, the roads were really…
COMMERCE CITY, Co. — A bag of drugs successfully made it through a concert security line early yesterday afternoon without the Phish fan in which…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — Mayor Pete Buttigieg today became the first Democratic Presidential contender to release a decade’s worth of concert ticket stubs, following overwhelming…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
LANDSDALE, Pa. — A guitar in the care of local musician Andrew Sampson is treated with more respect and dignity than Sampson’s own body, multiple…