OLYMPIA, Wash. — Residents of Washington’s capitol city are reporting an influx of tourism due to Rancid’s recently launched GPS app which reroutes all users to the Pacific Northwest, frustrated users confirmed.
“I worked closely with the band to make sure their ‘Avenue and Alleyways’ GPS system found the best route to get to Olympia from anywhere in the country,” said the app’s developed Mark “Skwirm” Bartlett. “It’s like Waze or Google Maps for people who haven’t sold out. The app has user input about which rest stops are easiest to steal from and abandoned buildings you can squat in during your trip. Also, the app always plays Rancid songs on a loop and you cannot shut it off no matter how hard you try. The band insisted on that feature.”
Early users of the app admit they were frustrated by the fact they keep ending up in Washington.
“I was using the app to get to a wedding in Arizona where I’m the best man,” said Kenny Kirkley. “I zoned out a bit shortly after hitting I-90 and before I realized it I was crossing into Washington. The wedding is tomorrow and even if I drove through the night I wouldn’t make it in time, and if I use this fucking app it would just make me do a circle and drop me right back in front of the state house. I’m pretty pissed off, but the app does have a pretty extensive map of where to get the cheapest beer, so at least I can get hammered before I have to tell my brother I’m going to miss his big day.”
Benjamin Ward, the Director of Tourism for the city of Olympia says the city’s economy has seen a distinct upturn since the app launched.
“All of our thrift stores are reporting record sales thanks to all these new people,” said Ward. “I always had hopes of one day inspiring this many people to visit our fair city. I mean, sure, everyone is kind of pissed off when they arrive here instead of likely a much more fun and cool destination they were originally trying to get to. And the people who happen to be excited to be here are these lowlife punk types who have been vandalizing the state capitol. But it’s still tourism! Thinking of all those silly campaigns we poured taxpayer dollars into in an effort to drag people to our farmers market, who would have thought it would be some shoddy GPS that rerouted users back… To Olympia… Did I sound like that guy?”
At press time, a recent update to the apps walking directions feature keeps leading people to San Francisco’s Tenderloin district where they get their phones stolen immediately.