STARBASE, Texas — A contractor working on Elon Musk’s new Texas mega-mansion revealed that every book on the billionaire’s shelf was just a false lever…
WASHINGTON — The minds behind the much-reviled Project 2025 announced new plans to capture ecological superhero Captain Planet and his trusty Planeteers in order to…
VERNON, Calif. — Top executives representing oil companies around the country remain concerned that they will not have enough soldiers to fight for non-renewable resources…
NEW YORK – A recent Bloomberg report announced that Taylor Swift’s wealth is now an estimated $1.1 Billion, after her record-breaking Eras tour and left…
WASHINGTON — Following the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to strike down President Biden’s debt relief program, Justice Clarence Thomas released a statement saying students should…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
NEW YORK — Local Amazon employee Jeff Baxter developed a plan to finally use the bathroom at work after reading Jeff Bezos will soon be…
“Nice place?” What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I live in a one-bedroom basement apartment with minimal natural light, you condescending asshole. Who…
DUCKBURG, Calisota — Multi-billionaire businessfowl Scrooge McDuck is questioning his decision to convert his wealth to cryptocurrency after realizing he would not be able to…
HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular…
I’m just a normal, average billionaire. If you prick me, do I not bleed the same virgin-transfused blood as any other billionaire? I come from…
EL PASO, Texas — Convicted pedophile Marcus Fleming killed two birds with one stone earlier today when he canvassed for Michael Bloomberg during court-mandated neighborhood…
NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Denizens of the underworld are welcoming significant infrastructure improvements over the next few weeks as the newest arrival, billionaire David…
WASHINGTON – The Union of American Protestors voted to go on strike today, citing inadequate pay and poor working conditions, sources within the organization confirmed.…