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Progressive White Women in Shambles After Taylor Swift Becomes Billionaire

NEW YORK – A recent Bloomberg report announced that Taylor Swift’s wealth is now an estimated $1.1 Billion, after her record-breaking Eras tour and left many progressive, leftist white women reeling with feelings of confusion and uncertainty.

“It’s been a fascinating phenomenon to witness Taylor’s major fan base, liberal and more recently, ‘progressive because it’s cool,’ white women be in complete shambles upon her billionaire status being announced,” said NYU Professor of Sociology, Michelle Stoakes. “You see, to this group of women; Taylor can do no wrong. However, also to this group of women, billionaires are evil puppy-eating plankton who deserve to be electrocuted. So you see their predicament? This will certainly be a sociological marvel to be studied for decades and you wonder if Taylor will be spared when the lower classes finally rise up and take back all of the wealth billionaires have been hoarding.”

For some of these white women, this is the first time they have ever been faced with an ethical dilemma of these proportions.

“I voted for Bernie. I posted the black square and then eventually deleted it. I did everything a good leftist, white woman is supposed to do,” said Brooklyn Socialist activist and dedicated Swiftie, Jamie Klein. I simply never thought this day would come, when my hero, Taylor Swift, would become a billionaire. I know she’s always been wealthy, but I thought it was like ‘private school’ wealthy, not ‘multiple private islands’ wealthy. I’ve tweeted ‘All Billionaires should have a date with a guillotine.’ I’m hoping this is all a clerical error and Taylor still just has 999 million dollars.”

Knowing backlash on her daughter’s wealth would be imminent, Swift’s mother Andrea weighed in to defend her years of hard work.

“Listen, we hear everyone. We are tapped into the zeitgeist! We see everyone being mad at Jeff Bezos and Elon and that other one. But Taylor would never do bad things with her money,” said Mrs. Swift. “This is my baby we’re talking about! She simply wants to continue housing recent divorcees in her many NYC condos and maybe buy the Kansas City Chiefs or whatever! Her and Travis are really looking to settle down and focus on what really matters–getting some of this money into an off-shore account stat.”

At press time, enrollment in the Democratic party among formerly progressive white women tripled since the release of “1989 Taylor’s Version” with many of them applauding Swift’s “girl boss” moves.