Eat The Rich Tag Archives

Progressive White Women in Shambles After Taylor Swift Becomes Billionaire

Tim Sheard • October 28, 2023

NEW YORK – A recent Bloomberg report announced that Taylor Swift’s wealth is now an estimated $1.1 Billion, after her…

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Gentrified Punk House Now Influencer House

Walker MacDonald • September 17, 2021

BROCKTON, Mass. — Tenants of local punk house The Bunker were outraged this past week as they were evicted from…

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We Taste-Tested These White Wines and Now We’re Better Than You

Nathan Kamal • September 3, 2021

Power to the people! ACAB! Eat the rich! That's what we would have told you 30 minutes ago, but we…

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Amazon Employees Plan to Sneak in Bathroom Break While Jeff Bezos in Space

Tony Morse • July 14, 2021

NEW YORK — Local Amazon employee Jeff Baxter developed a plan to finally use the bathroom at work after reading…

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Class Warfare? This Coffee Shop Doesn’t List Prices

John Danek • June 22, 2021

The gap between rich and poor widens each year. Jeff Bezos takes his billions to space while Elon Musk trolls…

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Scrooge McDuck Has No Fucking Idea Where to Swim After Converting His Wealth to Bitcoin

John Sevigne • June 10, 2021

DUCKBURG, Calisota — Multi-billionaire businessfowl Scrooge McDuck is questioning his decision to convert his wealth to cryptocurrency after realizing he…

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Fucking Big Shot Puts Clothes in Hotel Dressers

Rachel Steele • April 25, 2021

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Fucking big shot Maria Richards felt the need to dazzle everyone by packing the dressers in…

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yacht, rich, people, snobby, annoying, Bahamas, tanning, money, old money, cash

Economists Warn Raising Minimum Wage Will Impede Americans’ Ability to Be Born Wealthy

Nick Ortolani • February 3, 2021

NEW YORK — Leading economists warned today that raising the minimum wage to $15 will severely impede the ability of…

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“A Christmas Carol” Gives Kids Unrealistic Expectations That Rich Assholes Will Change Their Ways

Dan Kozuh • December 20, 2020

There are approximately 135 screen versions of Charles Dickens’ apocryphal tale of ego reversal "A Christmas Carol" from Scrooge McDuck,…

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I Want to Eat the Rich but Like Are There Vegan Options?

Kevin Tit • May 6, 2019

Look, I’m just as pissed off about these billionaires controlling all the money as everybody else. And or course I…

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