Alexisonfire’s official website exists at the URL theonlybandever.com. Pretty bold claim, if you ask me. But then I started looking into it. Weirdly, I can’t find any evidence of any other band ever existing anywhere in the world. Seriously, not one. So this is officially the first and last discography ranking we will ever post on The Hard Times. Enjoy.
5. Old Crows/Young Cardinals (2009)
I can’t stand when bands churn out the same album repeatedly, but I also hate when bands change their sound in any way. I dislike Old Crows/Young Cardinals for both reasons. OC/YC finds Alexisonfire retreading similar ground explored on “Crisis” but with more of an alt-rock influence than ever before. It’s not a favorite of mine. I’m not a lyrics guy so maybe this album’s words are amazing and they mean a lot to you, but Zeus gave me a brain that doesn’t understand lyrics after even 200 listens so… sorry. This could be a concept album about comparing various Cheez-It flavors and it wouldn’t affect my enjoyment in the slightest. (White Cheddar is the best.)
Play It Again: “Burial”
Skip It: “Midnight Regulations”
Honorable Mention: Dog’s Blood EP (2010)
This EP finds Alexisonfire rediscovering some youthful recklessness after the relatively restrained and mature “Old Crows/Young Cardinals.” You’ll find 4 pretty solid songs here with a lot of long guitar solos and instrumental passages. Possibly too many. Also, this EP may have had a hand in popularizing that colorful, cartoon-y art style that dominated post-hardcore and metalcore for the next half-decade. Minus five points.
Play It Again: “Black as Jet”
Skip It: “Grey”
4. Otherness (2022)
My main gripe with “Otherness” is tempo. Most of the songs here are mid-tempo rockers. That’s fine sometimes, but I listen to Alexisonfire for energy and thrills. I understand that bands mature, get older, and chill out. But if anyone could buck the trend, I’d hope it would be AOF. We already have City and Colour for when we need to put on reasonable music in a carpool. If you’re going to listen to “Otherness,” pull it up on YouTube and listen at 1.25x speed. Bands love it when you do this to their music.
Play It Again: “Reverse the Curse”
Skip It: “Sans Soleil”
3. Watch Out! (2004)
Choosing the top 3 here is very difficult. When I first volunteered to rank Alexisonfire’s catalog, I planned on ranking “Watch Out!” at the top spot. And while it’s still my personal favorite on most days, I have to admit upon relisten that it isn’t the strongest album in their repertoire. It starts off magnificently with “Accidents” but the middle third lags behind the rest in the songwriting department. The stretch from “Hey It’s Your Funeral Mama” to “White Devil” just isn’t quite as memorable as the rest. I’m happy to report that the band sticks the landing with an amazing one-two punch to close out the whole shebang. The cymbal that starts off “Get Fighted” makes me want to walk down my street smashing side windows off parked cars. In a good way.
Play It Again: “Get Fighted”
Skip It: “That Girl Possessed”
2. Crisis (2006)
This album is great. Phenomenal, even. Almost… too perfect. Is that a valid criticism? That it’s too good? It’s almost so clinically exact in its execution of Alexisonfire’s sound that I don’t reach for it as much as their “amateurish” debut. Whatever, you should have known by this point in the article that I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about. Damnit, if I weren’t severely hungover and depressed that I finished my rewatch of “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place” last night, I’d change the ordering and bring “Watch Out!’ into second place. But nah. It stays here.
Play It Again: “Mailbox Arson”
Skip It: “You Burn First”
1. Self-Titled (2003)
This is one of those debut albums that seems to get mentioned by its creators with a sense of embarrassment. I couldn’t tell you why. It has everything I want in music: chunky rhythm guitars, memorable melodies, creative lead guitar parts, a great balance of screaming and singing, youthful abandon, and a production style that actually sounds like a bunch of people playing music together. It also came out in a time in my life when I still had hope, which is nice to remember. Anyways, this is a Canadian classic and a grand opening statement from the only band ever.
Play It Again: “.44 Caliber Love Letter”
Skip It: If you’re even half as cynical as me, you might want to skip the spoken word section of “A Dagger Through the Heart of St. Angeles.” Otherwise, it’s a good throwback when bands thought spoken word sections were a good idea.