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Heartwarming: This Second Grader Dreams of One Day Becoming President Despite Being Named Tristan

If you’re looking for a feel-good story about overcoming adversity, we’ve got the perfect one for you today out of Indianapolis, where local second grader, Tristan Fuller has announced his intention to one day become President of the United States, despite the fact that his name is literally Tristan.

According to his classmates and teacher, the plucky, if utterly deluded, eight-year-old came to school for his presentation on “what I want to be when I grow up” in a full suit and tie, and announced his future candidacy for the highest office in the land, as if there’s a future in which someone named Tristan would hold the nuclear codes.

This isn’t to say that Fuller isn’t a precocious and civically minded boy. When I had the chance to sit down with him, he was all too happy to list some of the policies he would enact, such as: “Shorter school days, less homework, and longer summers.”

He’s got our vote! I mean, not literally, his name is fucking Tristan for chrissakes, but you know what we mean.

While childish, these policies show a clear focus on enacting change. It’s just too bad that when one thinks of the name Tristan, one can only see a future to be a future of skinny jeans, bass guitars, bad tattoos, and a semi-serious nicotine addiction.

Many community members have voiced their anxieties about Tristan’s goal of Presidency, suggesting that a career selling weed outside the local movie theater might be just as rewarding and more within his grasp. Historically, American presidents have been named things like John, Abraham, and George. But Tristan won’t let any naysayers dissuade him. He’s going to ride this presidential dream all the way to when reality sets in around 17 or so. Go Tristan!

Tristan told me that he intends to keep pursuing this doomed dream in the coming years, much like his friend Tanner Harrison, who has the laughably unachievable goal of becoming a heart surgeon.

It’s an incredible feat of strength for such a young child. But ultimately, of course, as hard as things will be for young Tristan, one can only imagine it’ll be so much worse for the Tanners.