Shaving in a mohawk is one of the first things new punks do, along with buying a Black Flag cd and quickly learning to keep away from Leftover Crack fans. A lot of people also struggle with getting their mohawks to stay up, which can lead to embarrassment and all of your friends making fun of you more than they already do. Whether you have a fanned mohawk, liberty spikes, or the ill-advised tri-hawk, here are 20 ways to get your mohawk to stand up.
Gel
It’s perfectly fine to use hair gel to style your mohawk, as long as you don’t mind being a total fucking poser. Gel won’t bring a lot to the table, structurally speaking, so unless your hawk is shorter than two or three inches, this probably won’t work out too well for you.
Hairspray and A Blow Dryer
Hairspraying your hair and blow drying it is a tried and true method of mohawkery. However, hairspray won’t usually hold up an entire mohawk on its own with additional help. That’s why we only recommend using the hairspray and blow dryer trick on thinning hair, otherwise the support needed just isn’t there.
Glue
Glue is a time-tested and approved mohawk styling substance, though with so many options available it’s important to choose wisely. Elmer’s glue is fine for touching up loose ends, but not as a primary load-bearing goo. If you’re looking for a more robust glue to hold up your mohawk, Gorilla Glue is the only way to go. Plus you’ll only have to do your hair once a month at most, freeing you to focus on more important things in life.
Gelatin
If you need to put up your mohawk and don’t mind using ground up horse hooves to do so, gelatin could be right for you. The only problem with this method is most people can’t wait in their refrigerator for 2-4 hours waiting for the gelatin to set, despite the fact that the majority of people with mohawks are largely unemployed.
Egg Whites
Egg whites are still a viable option for doing your mohawk, even if its use has declined as veganism becomes more prevalent. Studies about whether Egg Beaters work or not are inclusive, so let us know in the comments if you’ve used them to do your hawk with.
Wheatpaste
Wheatpaste has been used to slather show flyers, propaganda posters, and missing dog announcements since time immemorial. A lot of people don’t know that it can also be used to hold mohawks up. Not unlike with egg whites, the rise of veganism has sent punks searching for wheatpaste alternatives such as quinoa, rice, and flax seed paste.
Industrial Grade Pomade
Consumer-grade pomade is basically hair gel that takes at least three showers to fully wash out, and is not recommended to do your mohawk with. You can, however, stop by your local rockabilly club to pick up some industrial strength pomade. Just be prepared to constantly have to talk to rockabillies, which for many of us is a total deal breaker.
There’s Something About Mary
You know the movie, the scene, and the gag. While we’re not officially endorsing this method, the results speak for themselves. Just try not to feel too guilty afterward, as it’s part of a healthy, normal hair care regimen when properly regulated.
Don’t Wash It
As any punk will tell you, the longer you don’t wash your hair, the more rigid it becomes. At first the weight of all the dirt will hold your hair down, but after a few weeks that same dirt will provide excellent support as your mohawk becomes almost as hard and crispy as your dirty ass socks are.
The Blood of the Innocent
Obviously we’re not saying anyone should go out and procure the blood of the innocent, as that would be immoral and illegal. Having said that, if you ever get tired of normal people continually asking you what products you used to get your mohawk up, just tell them that you used the blood of the innocent. That should get them off your case.
McDonald’s Strawberry Milkshake
One of the most durable substances on earth is the McDonald’s strawberry milkshake. It can’t be melted, evaporated, frozen, or even boiled. Meaning that you can put a McDonald’s strawberry milkshake in your hair and immediately give your mohawk a robust volume that will stay standing up for weeks on end.
Ask it to Stand Up on Its Own
Many of us bombard our hair with a litany of damaging products, fry it with endless blow drying, and spend hours and hours trying to break its will so it can be styled how we want it. Rather than bullying your mohawk into doing what you want it to do, why not simply ask it if it would stand up on its own? In hair as in life, open communication goes a long way.
Smoke and Mirrors
Sometimes you don’t need to put your mohawk up, but rather convince others that it is up. That’s where smoke and mirrors come in. A few simple misdirections combined with a solid audience patter should be more than enough to fool people into thinking your mohawk is actually standing up.
Rebar
Start by placing the rebar approximately one foot to either side of your head. Next you will need to tie the rebar so that it remains in its respective position. Once the concrete is in place, observe the configuration to ensure that no shifting in the mohawk has occurred. Wait between 24 and 48 hours before use.
Helium Balloons
This Gordian knot of a hair product involves simply tying helium balloons to your hair and having them do the lifting. Sure, you’ll look like a complete tool walking around with balloons on your head like an idiot, but your mohawk will be standing up won’t it?
Marionette Puppet Strings
Similar to the helium balloon strategy, this one also involves holding your hair up with strings. In this case, however, you’ll need a partner to operate the little wooden sticks. While effective, this method is only practical when your mohawk needs to move and transform throughout the evening.
Have a Friend Hold it Up
Say you wanted to do the marionette puppet strings method but your friend is an idiot and can’t operate a piece of wood with strings attached to them. Just have them hold your mohawk up with their hands, if you think they can manage it.
Anti-Gravity Ray
The anti-gravity ray is the most effective tactic in getting your mohawk to stand up. Only problem is, unless your aim is spot on, everything else in the room will begin floating into space alongside your mohawk.
Get a Skin Disease
If you get a gross ass skin disease your hair will naturally stand up in an effort to avoid open sores, pustules, boils, and more. This could be the most affordable method on our list.
Just Shave It
Let’s face it, unless you’re 17 or younger you look like a moron with a mohawk. It’s probably best that you shave it now, and save yourself the embarrassment down the road.
This cleavage-bearing catsuit takes a flirty spin on America’s policing system, and will have you going: “Sorry, what protests? Seriously, I was in a coma from 2009 to 2023. Can someone explain?” It also comes with a fully loaded gun.
We’re loving this hot and dangerous costume that we think was legitimately made for BDSM. This male lingerie cop suit says: “Wow, I am truly sorry to hear about the events of 2020 and beyond. As a side note, I can’t help but feel the slightest bit awkward learning about police brutality in latex.”
Nothing says “What’d I miss?” like a school girl-cop combo fit. As we always say, the only thing sexier than looking like a police officer is somehow also looking like an underage girl.
This one’s blue. Is that better? No? Well shit, what else are you supposed to go as? A sexy social worker? Something about that just doesn’t hit the same.
This one is just your uncle’s old cop uniform that you can wear in confidence as long as you had on noise-canceling headphones while he was telling his stories. As an added spooky twist, everyone will be legitimately scared when you come to their door.
This sweethearts’ cop fit will show all party-goers that while neither you nor your significant other seem to have been watching the news much, you do have an extremely high sex drive.
This one is just like the previous costume, except this time you also get to flex the strange power dynamic going on in your relationship, as well as make further lighthearted commentary on America’s prison system.
I don’t know, we’re running out of ideas here, and since it is absolutely necessary that you go as a cop for Halloween and not literally anything else, just throw on some vampire fangs and pretend it’s a political statement.
If the current climate of police brutality is getting in the way of your costume’s reception, you might as well take it back to the good old days of policing: 1861.
Since you can’t seem to avoid opening a difficult conversation with your well-meaning sexy interpretation of the police, here’s a costume that’ll be sure to lighten the mood. This one is just a sign that says “All Lives Matter.” Now how could you go wrong with this positive-sounding message that bears no further implication than its literal meaning?
Johnny’s haunted house is going to be overrated as hell. This guy made one iconic one in the late ’70s and we’re all still supposed to be impressed by it decades later. What have you done for haunted house culture lately, Johnny?
Right-wingers are scared of a lot of things that aren’t inherently terrifying. This will be evident almost immediately at the Proud Boy’s haunted house. For instance, there’s going to be someone dressed up as Nancy Pelosi. Not like a zombie Pelosi or anything. Just an impersonator of the former Speaker of the House holding a can of Bud Light. While it is slightly disturbing, we all know there’s nothing more horrifying than looking at Mitch McConnell’s face.
Tim doesn’t seem to quite grasp the concept of a haunted house because what he constructed is an escape room. Even still, it’s just a room with no windows that locks from the outside. Not sure he quite understands escape rooms either.
The Screeching Weasel singer and guitarist is going to talk so much shit about everyone else’s haunted house in the neighborhood, but he probably should have put that energy into his own because this is elementary work at best.
The PUP vocalist and guitarist is a Millennial so he can’t afford a house. He may have the financial means to rent one from one of the Boomer punks on this list since they each have four or five apiece, but even that’s pushing it.
The DIY sentiment is so strong with Crass that when I get to the location of Steve’s haunted house and see a bunch of construction materials and tools laid out, I’m going to get suspicious that he thinks we’re all building it ourselves right there on the spot.
The last time I went through a haunted house of the Distillers’ singer and guitarist, some actor with a fully functioning chainsaw left a massive gash in my forearm. Brody claims it was all part of the charm. Tell that to my health insurance who evidently won’t cover haunted house-related injuries. Isn’t that the whole purpose of Aetna?
Mark’s haunted house costs like $450 per ticket because we’d have to buy from Ticketmaster who jacked up the price. They would even include some questionable charges that are called something like “knife sharpening tax” and “blood handling fees.” Feels like I’m getting ripped off.
You know those restaurant chains that deploy intentionally obnoxious servers and are generally rude when you’re just trying to order a sandwich? That’s going to be the feel of the Black Flag guitarist’s haunted house. Only I think his temp workers are sincerely disgruntled. What has Greg done to them? Truly horrifying.
The Jawbreaker singer’s haunted house is based on his own inner turmoil. He’s going to leave out his journals on various end tables and we’ll have to read various depressing passages from them. However, books aren’t scary. At least I don’t think so. I only read TikTok.
Siouxsie advertises her haunted house as an “A24-like slow burn,” which makes perfect sense because it took a good 90 minutes of walking before anything even happened. Then all of a sudden it was over and nothing was explained. Haunted house bloggers will say her haunted house is a metaphor for grief. I don’t quite get it.
For the Social D singer, this is going to be less of a haunted house and more of a haunted garage with about 50 classic cars strategically parked. In general, motor vehicles aren’t that spooky. For instance, have you seen the John Carpenter movie “Christine” about a possessed ‘58 Plymouth Fury? Me neither.
Fat Mike’s haunted house is a 12,000-square-foot space located in Las Vegas that appears to have a lot of punk memorabilia. The sign outside even says “The Punk Rock Museum.” It won’t be long until I realize that the NOFX singer and bassist tricked us into going to his punk gallery instead. Damn you, Michael.
The former Ramones drummer thinks modern horror is straight trash. He’ll have exactly one life-size Nosferatu, a replica from “Creature From the Black Lagoon,” and a cardboard cutout of Bela Lugosi in everyday clothes. He really needs to update his references. We only do A24 or Terrifier now.
There’s going to be like four or five other lesser-known haunted houses that open for the Circle Jerks’ singer’s one. The first of which was supposed to start at 7:00 p.m., but it’s been an hour and a half and they’re still doing soundcheck on the background shriekings. This is going to be a long night.
The guy from the Menzingers’ haunted house is going to tell a story with a lot of passion that is going to evoke and unlock something within me. Unfortunately, that is the last thing I want in a haunted house. Just make me piss my pants. I’m not asking for much here.
Henry’s haunted house is going to be scary as hell. That’s because he’d play his spoken word albums on a loop to “make a point.” This is going to cause irreversible cognitive damage. I knew I shouldn’t have paid extra for the VIP package that included the full “Henry Experience.”
Youth of Today’s guitarist is straight edge. That means there will be no alcohol in his haunted house. Sure, haunted houses don’t typically serve booze. But still, it’s the principle. Also, I will be five beers deep and don’t want any side-eyed looks tonight.
For some reason, goats look like they worship satan and are therefore evil as hell. The Adverts bassist is going to double down on that imagery so hard that her haunted house will be 75% horned livestock. Only she didn’t consider the smell. You have to consider various stenches in your haunted attractions. That’s rule number one.
All of the actors in Doyle’s haunted house are over six feet, have 0% body fat, and look like they say the words “bench press” regularly. Doyle must know these people from the gym. Either way, this is going to make me feel self-conscious. I do not want to think about my physical shortcomings. I want to think about blood and guts exclusively.
This man is the drummer for no less than 30 bands so he’ll have no time to dedicate to a haunted house. This will be evident almost immediately upon stepping in. Maybe just stick with one band. Two tops. Josh needs to focus on real hobbies.
Although “Living Outside,” Sense Field’s fifth and final studio album is better than most band’s LPs in ANY genre, one record had to be listed last here, and we know, we know, we’re wrong about this and everything else we write below and moving forward for the rest of our sordid lives tonight and forever. The band went out with a bang here with “Living Outside” as said LP was their only Billboard charting record and debuted at #37 on U.S. Heatseakers, which is no small feat or pair of shoes. Sadly the band split just one year after this album was released, and sporadically reunited several times until Bunch’s untimely passing. Thankfully, Jon wasn’t done singing, as he eventually joined Further Seems Forever as their six-hundred-and-sixty-sixth vocalist before they disbanded in 2005, and fronted an underrated and rocking act called War Generation.
“Save Yourself,” which is by far Sense Field’s biggest “hit” single, is likely why you’re here unless you’re punker than a rock, and reason enough for this record to not be in the dreaded bottom slot. “Tonight and Forever” asks its listeners two questions: 1) Are you ok? 2) Am I a fool? The simple one-word answers are obvious on your end: 1) No. 2) Yes. “Save Yourself” provided the band the opportunity to perform on late-night shows like “The Tonight Show,” “The Late Late Show,” and “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” but that might of actually been a fever dream we had when we stayed home from school. The record precludes a haunted memory regarding Sense Field’s future, and sadly the fun never starts again, but you’ve got to be strong. In closing, 2001 was quite a year for acts in SF’s sphere, as Jimmy Eat World, Dashboard Confessional, Thursday, and Boston all released groundbreaking records then.
While not a straight up punk rock record per se, Sense Field is still in said rock world, and released their debut self-titled LP to an aggressive sea of mainstream punk or “punk” if you’re feeling nasty/frisky/freaky/magical albums like Green Day’s blockbuster “Dookie,” The Offspring’s highly successful “Smash,” Bad Religion’s harmonious “Stranger Than Fiction,” and Sade’s compilation to end all compilations known as “The Best of Sade”; your love is king, as a smooth operator is much more than a smooth criminal but not as smooth as a smoothie from Erewhon. Containing a lot of one-word song titles like “Dreams,” “Sage,” “Soft,” and “Pizza,” Sense Field set the stage for one-word responses to said songs like, “rad,” “sad,” “mad,” and “Vlad(imir)”. Even though many SF shows don’t have public setlists , a quick search shows that another one-word title, “Voice,” was a favorite.
After their breakout self-titled debut, Sense Field released their sophomore follow-up LP that same year called “Killed For Less,” and it’s where the band truly came into their own and into another. Opening said record with “Today And Tomorrow,” easily a top ten SF song, was a solid choice, as both old heads and new listeners of the band alike seemed to be drawn into a feeling of goodloveall, thus becoming super fans… And don’t get us started on the simple yet effective opening riff and “scream” for track two, Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory” opener known as “Papercut.” Also, like the album before it, there are many one-word song titles featured on “Killed For Less,” and said stat truly gets highlighted with tracks six through nine being called: “Futon,” “Voice,” “Soft,” and “Allyouneedisloveloveisallyouneed”. Now we’re building towards the end, and everyone we see will agree, or won’t.
Reason to believe: We’re here at the top of the world, you and I, and said roof has no “skip it” tracks. Sense Field’s third record “Building” took many by storm, but we theorize that it would’ve been so much bigger if it came out when its follow-up was released. Still, we hope this album’s legacy remains strong and outlives all men/women/human beings/cockroaches. As stated above, the world still cries for vocalist Jon Bunch, and if you were lucky enough to attend the benefit shows for Jon’s son Jack on one or both coasts, it must’ve been a sight unseen any day prior, as bands like Rocket From The Crypt, Texas Is The Reason, Knapsack, and Debbie Gibson performed, and many singers guested on lead vocals with the remaining members of Sense Field.
