Opinion: So You’re Gonna Judge a Guy Solely by What He Says and Also Does and Thinks?
Alright, let me get this straight: If I say one thing, which is based on a thought I've had, which…
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Malia Simon
32 stories found
Opinion: This Global Energy Crisis Means People Need Improv More Than Ever Right Now
With a worldwide energy shortage close on the horizon and people expressing more and more fear about total economic collapse,…
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Opinion: Seems like Nobody Cares About Real Human Connection Anymore, and by Real Human Connection I Mean Having Sex with Me
It’s time to address the fact that today’s society is suffering from one of the greatest epidemics of this millenium:…
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Woman Only Dating Man for His Intelligence, Personality, Depth of Character
HOUSTON — Local woman Charlotte Kissinger is reportedly only dating boyfriend Matt Bower for the truest contents of his character,…
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What if the Most Punk Thing All Along Was Actually To Settle Down With a Husband and a Dog in a Comfortable but Modest Home in South Jersey?
As a lifelong punk coming up on my 29th birthday, I’m starting to have a lot of realizations about life:…
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How I Enhanced My Radiohead Listening Experience by Standing on the Edge of a 9-Story Building
What up Radiohead heads, I’m halfway through my fifteenth re-listen of the entire discography, and I just discovered a new…
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Manic Episode Brings Woman to Baseline Confidence
NEW YORK — Local 27-year-old Kaitlyn Myers reportedly underwent the most extreme manic episode of her life that, by everyone…
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STUDY: Fuck It, Scrolling on Your Phone Before Bed Actually Good For You
BOSTON – Researchers at Harvard University studying the negative effects of phone usage before bed concluded that nothing fucking matters…
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Uh Oh: I Took 500MG of DMT and Even the Intergalactic Elves Just Told Me To Get a Job
Bad news, folks. This weekend I went on one of my journeys into the spiritual realm to convene with the…
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We Sit Down With Taylor Swift and Sheepishly Walked Back All The Comments We Made About Her in a Reddit Thread She Apparently Reads
This week we had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to sit down with Taylor Swift and had kind of an “oh fuck”…
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