29. Jim Lindberg
Pennywise’s frontman has to have a killer haunted house. After all, his band is quite literally named after a horror villain. But unfortunately, all this stuff looks and sounds the same. I can’t tell any of the rooms in his haunted house apart. Maybe mix it sometimes.
28. Tom DeLonge
I was going into Tom’s thinking it would be 100% alien-based. I’m talking Predators and Xenomorphs. Badass shit. But to my surprise, there’s nothing extraterrestrial about it. Just demons and werewolves with huge boners. This will subvert my expectations and I will need a minute to adjust.
27. Joan Jett
Joan’s haunted house is going to be cool as shit. But I don’t want a “cool” haunted house, I want one so dangerous that I need to consider filing a lawsuit afterward. There just aren’t enough sharp objects or rusty meathooks in Joan’s house to be considered hazardous.
26. Jake Kolatis
The Casualties guitarist’s haunted house appears to be nothing more than a punk house that he may or may not live in with eight other people. That would explain the odor emanating throughout the corridors. While it’s not exactly a haunted house, it’s not dissimilar to that of a petting zoo with all the raccoons and possums that seem to live on the premises.
25. Debbie Harry
The Blondie singer’s haunted house is Christmas-themed because she “much prefers that holiday.” It’s a nice little change of pace in October, but can she at least add a little bloodshed, carnage, and gore to the nativity scene?
24. Ian MacKaye
Ian has an authentic-looking and quite honestly sick Frankenstein in his haunted house. It’s so realistic that I am going to comment on it. Only then he’s going to say, “Actually, it’s Frankenstein’s monster.” I will not have any follow-up questions for him.
23. Chris Hannah
The Propagandhi guitarist’s haunted house is animal slaughter-themed. Like gestation crates and those machines they use to milk cows. It’s going to be bloody as hell too. At the end, I’ll be handed a pamphlet about animal abuse and factory farming. This man tricked me into caring about animals. Let me experience my little cognitive dissonance in peace.
22. Bryan Kienlen
The Bouncing Souls’ bassist’s haunted house is located in, you guessed it, Asbury Park, New Jersey. This choice makes sense. The Bouncing Souls basically put New Jersey on the map and this state is known for being one of the more frightening ones in the US. That’s why I’ve never been there.
21. Pierce Jordan
It’s only a matter of time before the Soul Glo’s singer’s haunted house gets mainstream appeal. There are going to be lines around the block and everyone will be talking about it. The gatekeeper community is going to go shit their pants when that happens.