NEW YORK — Frontman Derek Hughes of local hardcore band 10th Period Beatdown was shocked after he noticed a large chunk of the microphone he held into the crowd had appeared to be bitten off, basketball jersey-clad sources report.
“I knew once we started playing ‘Besta My Crew’ the crowd was gonna get hyped. But what I didn’t expect was someone in the crowd munching on this mic like some sort of ice cream bar,” Hughes explained. “As soon as we got the first chorus, I ‘Rollinsed’ it, putting the mic out for the crowd like I always do, then I heard a huge crunch. At first, I thought maybe someone had broken their spine. Turns out, someone took a bite out of my microphone like an apple. And to think, it had almost been a full month since the last time this occurred. I can’t keep buying new mics because of this.”
Hardcore fan Jimmy Otz was instantly embarrassed when he realized what he had done.
“I just want to start by saying I’m sorry and will pay the $9 in mic damages,” Otz said, adding the fact he’d been waiting around all day for the show and skipped lunch. “I guess I just got a little carried away. You work up quite a hunger in the pit. Also, I just so happened to have brought a bottle of horseradish with me I’ve never had before and really wanted to try it out. One thing led to another and all of a sudden I had a mouth full of mic wires. These things just sort of happen.”
The venue’s sound guy Bruce Jasper says this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
“With these hardcore and metal shows, we get all kinds of starving people in here, and they’ll eat anything other than the tater tots we sell at the bar,” said Jasper. “One night Motörhead was playing here and at the end of their set, I saw Phil Campbell toss his guitar picks into the crowd and some moron looking for a nosh was catching them in his mouth like a dolphin at SeaWorld! I couldn’t believe it, they didn’t even look nearly as delicious as the drumstick that was thrown out to the crowd earlier in the evening.”
At press time, Otz became increasingly more alarmed after noticing large chunks of his jeans missing during a routine stage dive.
Anyway, with five full-lengths and two extended plays, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better pound-for-pound discography than the band that some say are the inventors of modern metalcore as we know and love it. (As long as you ignore Cave In.)
This six-song EP (or three two-song EPs, whatever) is made up of extra songs during their time recording “Versions” that were released over a six month period while writing “The Tropic Rot.” I mean, it’s Poison the Well, so it’s still decent… but you can kind of see why they didn’t make it onto the album, and rarely make it into a setlist.
Don’t try to twist this into a “They said Tropic Rot sucks!” spin zone. If this album was in any other band’s catalog, it would be one of their best. But these are the kings we’re talking about, and technically it’s still a Top 5 album for them. It’s just in our aging, “been down since the beginning” nature to rank the newest ones last, but truth be told, this album rules. Bold decisions to include songs like “When I Lose, You Lose As Well” and “Are You Anywhere” paid off handsomely, as it proves there is no sound the band can’t capture. Chris Hornbrook in particular, who may very well be the best drummer in all of hardcore, shines especially bright.
After winning hardcore, apparently the band decided it would dominate post-hardcore with their fourth album. “Versions” is the first not to have Derek Miller on guitar, so to make up for the loss, the band had Jason Boyer play guitar on a handful of songs, and guitarist Ryan Primack added bass, banjo, mandolin, synthesizer, and Wurlitzer piano to his credit. Other instruments used on the album include trumpet, trombone, and a muu guitar; you know… classic hardcore stuff. That’s just Poison the Well though… whatever they decide to do, it’s gonna be good. Also, despite the plethora of clean vocals throughout, “Versions” boasts Jeff Moreira’s most pissed off performance of his career. I felt some of those high screeches way down in my prematurito el babies.
The very first release from the band, and the only one to not feature Jeff Moreira on vocals (Aryeh Lehrer sang on this five-song EP), the foundation was set early that melodic hardcore was in for a rude awakening. Is the Angus sample that kicks off the first song the most famous movie quote in hardcore history?
This album is much better than it gets credit for, mostly because for some reason, when it came out, no one was satisfied. If you wanted a repeat of Opposite, it wasn’t that. The songs have more structure and polish, which is to be expected of a sophomore release. If you wanted a giant leap or a completely new progression of sound, it isn’t that either. It’s the perfect transition record from what they started out as to what they’d eventually become. Essentially, if you don’t like “Tear From the Red,” you’re a poser who probably pronounces the first word of the album like “Tears for Fears” and not “tear up that major label record contract after one release.”
Speaking of… this entry is the band’s one and only album on Atlantic Records, who they signed to after their deal with Trustkill ended. A true masterpiece, and lynchpin of what hardcore can be when left to its own devices, this is the last album to feature Miller (alongside Primack) on guitar, who quit the band after vigorous touring to start the Christmas music duo Sleigh Bells. There isn’t a breakdown (or two) in every song like its predecessor… but when you write songs like Crystal Lake, one per album is enough. If you look up the phrase “ahead of its time” in the dictionary, the definition is just the album art for YCBY.
A lot of hype and buzzwords get thrown around with this album. “Genre-defining,” “groundbreaking,” “legendary,” and so on and so forth. Well let us be the first to tell you… it’s all true. Every word, every praise, every single positive thing said about this album is spot on. The band’s first full-length LP raised the bar so high it wished for wings that work, and ushered in a new era of metalcore that has yet to slow down. The addition of Moreira on vocals (and his amazing lyrical style) is just the cherry on top of what was the perfect alignment of young musicians hitting their stride. Hornbrook’s monster drumming, the duo of Primack/Miller on guitars getting both heavy and melodic, Jacob Bannon of Converge’s iconic artwork, it all elicits emotions in hardcore kids a certain age (old). The lineups for this album’s touring cycle will live on in infamy forever. Oh shit, sorry… that’s an unpleasant word.
You probably never knew that this LP existed, but your life will never be the same after listening front-to-back to this Festivus-themed entry of eleven original holiday tunes known as “December’s Here.” It’s a solid group of new sing-a-longs, and will likely induce smiles from even the bitterest of bitter bitters. And it’s still better than listening to the “Charlie Brown Christmas” album for the 400th time. Mix it up a little, your Christmas soundtrack is so boring.
We have a feeling that this one is going to be the first entry that causes an influx of truck stop blues for your lack of hearts. Don’t listen to your friends if they disapprove, as this album is a disjointed and overall inconsistent follow-up to another album that we also ranked incorrectly much later on. Still, its first three tracks are solid form and classic NFG that could’ve been a perfect three-song EP called “Right Don’t Listen” that would’ve infected your ears almost as much as The Get-Up Kids’ “Woodson” EP.
Despite its album title being unquestionably the band’s worst, the actual record itself is the band’s most superior non-acoustic LP this decade. However, it just has just too many songs, and sometimes more is less. Still, it’s really, really rad that the incredible Steve Evetts produced “Forever + Ever x Infinity. For those of you not in the know, Mr. Evetts was the sugar-coated vandal behind the boards for two slick, smooth, and incredible LPs from last century: Saves the Day’s “Through Being Cool” and The Dillinger Escape Plan’s “Calculating Infinity.” Two albums that sound nearly identical.
On a serious note, Chad Gilbert went through a rough patch in 2021 with a scary cancer diagnosis, but thankfully he lived to tell its tale. 2023’s “Make The Most Of It” is an acoustic album that at points hearkens to the aforementioned precursor to “Not Without A Fight,” and it rocks just about as hard as acoustic guitars can. Like entry number twelve, you’re likely hearing about this one for the first time because of this article (we know how easy it is to stop listening to new music once you turn 30), but we implore you to tune into it with an open mind that you likely don’t have.
Why did this one get so much public/private hate and an overall bucket of general indifference? We simply don’t know, but we also sadly do. Taking risks can be a good thing, and 2017’s “Makes Me Sick” should be absorbed with an 80s-influence/keytar/smiley/Tommy Bahama-esque album cover lens. At ten songs, it is short, sweet, succinct, smart, and catchy as excess skin on barbed wire. Which is something we know about from experience after getting our car stuck in a tow yard. The street signs were confusing, it was unfair.
It’s cool that NFG followed up this Ramones-esque LP known as “Radiosurgery” with an actual Ramones cover EP called “Mania.” Fun fact: Both “Ramones” and “Radiosurgery” start with “R and A,” but “Rockaway Beach” and “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School” start with “R and O”; the jury is still out as to whether Rheumatoid arthritis is worse than a Queens boardwalk, but we digress. Anyway, chances are you didn’t give this record much of a chance because your music tastes were “maturing” and you bought your first Townes Van Zandt record in 2011 and disavowed all bands you previously loved.
The songs on “Resurrection” are more biting than many of NFG’s previous works, and the guitar riffs are powerful throughout, especially in its opening track “Selfless.” Chad Gilbert shines as the band’s lone guitarist on this LP, and we are not going to make any low hanging fruit jokes about what led him to that point, as we have standards, practices, and a combination of a persistent conscience and a less selfish attitude than you might think. Please check out 2015’s “Resurrection: Ascension,” the deluxe version of this LP as well for more features than you can shake several sticks at!
Overly whiny to some, but aggressive and angry to all, 2004’s “Catalyst” is one of Chad Gilbert’s least favorite NFG LPs. However, we would like to contradict his opinion, and we truly still want it around. Still, we assume that this specific ranking will end in tragedy on our end, so please don’t hurt us. This is the album that hardcore allowed hardcore kids to finally admit they like New Found Glory. You might remember going to an NFG show at this time and getting crowdkilled by a hefty dude in a mosh cap and thinking “Dear lord, please stop punching me I’m just kid.”
The band’s last major label LP, “Coming Home,” is a grower, not a show-er, and is too good to be dismissed. It’s also the band’s final Drive-Thru Records studio non-cover release, and while the record doesn’t sound like NFG in the best way ever, it still showcased some familiar and unfamiliar landscapes from hard and easycore svengali Chad Gilbert. We wish that this slower jam of an album moved way more units when it initially was released, but we’re glad that it eventually connected with many, and found a home to come in and into with both hardcore and casual NFG fans.
In your poorly written EULOGY at Congregation Beth lsrael whilst angrily staring at our closed casket two days after you effectively hired a hitman to murder us for this specific bronze medal ranking, you referenced the fact that this lone-’90s (A) New Found Glory release (which is apparently Chad Gilbert’s favorite New Found Glory LP according to his own rankings published on some no-name music site that shall not be named) should have been at the golden medal spot here. Anyway, this album should remind you of driving around the suburbs with your friends getting mad that your car’s cassette adapter is glitching again.
“Sticks and Stones” is New Found Glory’s first HUGE sounding album, and successfully/deservingly went platinum. Plus, “Understatement” is the band’s best opening track, and potentially their best song; catch some fists to your collective jaws if you disagree. Furthermore, in true, true punk rock fashion, Chad Gilbert is wearing a Distillers T-Shirt in this LP’s liner notes, proving that word travels fast when Brody’s name’s involved. “Joke Skits” are never a bad thing either, unless they are.
Dear your name here, name a pop-punk band post-2000 that didn’t rip this perfect record off. We’re waiting too long for your response. In an era of AIM away messages this album reigned supreme. Your older siblings hated this album. They tried to convince you to listen to Fugazi instead, but you didn’t listen. You had the NFG album and you still do. And now that it’s two decades old it almost makes sense for you to listen to it again, but instead of the lyrics applying to your high school girlfriend they can apply to your ex wife.