As musical acts continue to drop out of the “The Great American State Fair” concert series organized by Freedom 250, President Donald Trump has taken the extreme measure of instituting the Freedom 250 draft to replenish the featured performer ranks.
“Sleepy Joe Biden and Barack Hussein Obama weakened our force of patriotic musicians with their DEI policies,” said Mr. Trump while on his way to Walter Reed Medical Center. “We had a perfect lineup for Freedom 250 before the sick, nasty liberals poisoned the minds of the performers. With the draft, we will build an even more spectacular Freedom 250 concert – people tell me I should call it the Trump Freedom 250 – a beautiful concert, some would say more beautiful than the world has ever seen.”
While there are no restrictions on what musical artists are eligible to be selected in the Freedom 250 draft, additional weight is given to those who have not toured in the past 15 years and who last charted prior to Mr. Trump’s second marriage.
“I am excited to see our numbers swell to eight, even nine, able-bodied performers,” said Freedom 250 CEO, Keith Krach. “It could be anyone. Chris Gaines, Rockwell, the lead singer from The Heights, who knows? We do understand, though, that the draft is a solemn undertaking and that not all of those who are conscripted will make it home. Artists who make the ultimate sacrifice for their country will receive full honors and a slot in the playlist at a future Trump rally.”
U.S. Homeland Security advisor Stephen Miller believes the draft should have never ended in the first place.
“President Trump’s brilliant decision to reinstate the draft for Freedom 250 will return our nation to its rightful place as the world’s foremost musical superpower!” screamed Miller, pounding on his desk. “His power will not be questioned. Our musical culture will be preserved! We will retake the Freedom 250 stage, then Eurovision! The world will witness our country’s musical might!”
At press time, the members of Village People were still trying to determine if their draft card applied to one or all of them.
