Fuck yes! A Hot Dog Eating Contest! An American tradition if there ever was one. We were passing through Chicago and appear to have found…
CHICAGO — Local man Ben Schneebly was heard shouting “I don’t want to be here anymore!” over and over again at a recent Rise Against…
Petey USA was born a 14-year-old boy in the crowd at a Chicago Blackhawks game at the United Center. Now a world-renowned singer, songwriter, actor,…
CHICAGO — Mcdonald’s is finally honoring beloved musician Wesley Willis by announcing he would be the face of their latest celebrity meal, which is expected…
Today is the day we officially announce The Lawrence Arms as “The Hard Times’ favorite band of all time” (this could change tomorrow). In honor…
This week we were excited to take a look at Rise Against’s “Nowhere Generation,” which Loudwire ranked as the 42nd best rock/metal album of 2021,…
RICHMOND, Va. — Shock rockers GWAR admitted recently that despite decades of dousing their fans in bodily fluids, none of it compares to Dave Matthews…
NEW YORK — Lifelong city resident Danny Rossi started a campaign early this week denouncing the legitimacy of a city rat that would prefer Chicago…
Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
Hey guys, I know I’m running a little late but — I know, I know, I’m trying to get there. I’m just super behind right…
CHICAGO — Hip hop artist and aspiring real estate tycoon Chancelor Johnathan Bennett, known professionally as Chance the Rapper, plans to collaborate next with his…
This is an American crisis of epic proportions. People, I need help and fast! A force of heavily armed, camo-laden federal agents have swarmed Portland…
Few people know this but it’s incredibly easy to become a cop. Hell, it’s easier than becoming a middle school gym teacher, but hey, we…
A young man came up to me while I was golfing yesterday, and said, “Mr. Trump, your Nazi socialist secret police force is,” blah blah…
Last week my landlord informed me they’re raising the rent by 600 dollars. Even when you account for my monthly stipend, it means I’ll no…