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NBC Adds “Chicago Hardcore” to City-Themed Lineup

LOS ANGELES — NBC announced they would be expanding its One Chicago universe this fall by focusing on the punk scene with “Chicago Hardcore,” network executives have confirmed.

“I’ll admit that we’ve exhausted every storyline and plot twist for our procedurals. So we thought– what if instead of shows about first responders and medical emergencies, we told the stories about the people causing said emergencies? Enter ‘Chicago Hardcore,’ our newest entry about mosh etiquette, crew rivalries, and everything that comes along with the hardcore scene,” said executive producer Dick Wolf. “Each episode begins in the pit of a different DIY venue and will let viewers into the lives of the men and women putting each other in the ER, starting trash fires, and smashing police car windows. Plus we got Harm’s Way for the theme song to lend some authenticity to the show. However, it’ll only air on Fridays at 1 a.m.”

Actors in the new series were excited to break into uncharted territory for network television.

“I never met any punks during my time at Julliard, but I’ve been told I carry myself like a young Blag Dahlia. The producers want to soft launch my character on ‘Chicago PD’ next week to gauge interest, so they have me wearing an Against Me! shirt and punching Jason Beghe’s character in the face,” said Jordan Walsh. “I’m excited to be a prominent character in the show, but it’s been a challenge to nail the character down. I didn’t know the role would require so much guttural screaming and spitting on people from Forest Glen.”

Network executives admitted they were taking a risk greenlighting the show after a number of false starts in the recent past.

“Nobody is questioning Dick’s vision, but since the ratings bomb that was ‘Trial by Jury’ we’re a little cautious about stories from the common folk in our tentpole series. Just this year we already greenlit and canceled ‘Chicago Hot Dog Stand’ and ‘Law and Order: Stenographers’. Trust me, there is a very limited audience for both,” said executive Bill Demers. “I’m not sure if an hour-long show about punks accusing each other of being posers is going to click, but the focus groups reacted overwhelmingly positive to the idea of hurling bricks through private hospital windows set to Big Black. Honestly, the hardest part has been trying to court advertisers other than Malort and Old Style.”

As of press time, production was halted after the cast and crew were severely injured while filming during a live show at The Empty Bottle.

Photo by MG Ommert