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We Went to a Chicago Hot Dog Eating Contest but It Turns Out They Just Eat Like That Normally

Fuck yes! A Hot Dog Eating Contest! An American tradition if there ever was one. We were passing through Chicago and appear to have found some sort of hot dog festival because there is hot dog imagery everywhere. And where there’s a hot dog fest there must be an eating competition.

We found it! Wait no, maybe? Every person outside of this Portillo’s has several hotdogs each but nobody seems to be counting how many each person is having.

But people are cheering each other on! Or huh I guess people here just are taking pride in having a nice pile of hot dogs.

Wait, this one guy has a hot dog soaked like the professionals do! Nevermind, it’s soaked because it’s an Italian Beef. Are Italian Beefs really being eaten as a side dish to hot dogs?

I am just a naive twig boy from Portland. This celebration of greasy food is so foreign to me. Our only awareness of hot dog love comes from watching Joey Chestnut compete, but alas these people need no Mustard Belt to prove their enjoyment of franks.

I swear to God every person here has a hot dog tattoo. Half of them say “Hot Doug’s” like they were all branded for some sort of cult. One tattoo says “King Glizzard and The Glizzard Glizzard” which I can only assume is a King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard pun but they couldn’t decide which word should be the glizzy reference.

Well the night is falling and people are leaving to go get drunk. Then they said something about getting chocolate shakes at a place called… The Weiner Circle? Well the cycle completes itself…