NEW YORK — Total loser Jay Draboll plans to spend his entire New Year’s Eve partying with friends in what will be deemed an unforgettable…
NEW YORK — Former bully-turned-bouncer Terry Gallagher found himself fighting the urge to administer atomic wedgies to everyone at a recent They Might be Giants…
LONG BEACH, Calif.—Aspiring musician Keith Brown’s practice space was transformed from a once-fun jam area to an utterly sexless dungeon, sources sadly confirmed. “Welcome to…
The pandemic was rough, but we came out of it with two positive things: A renewed appreciation for bingeable classic television, and a willingness to…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Pathetic fucking nerd James Flick admitted that he knows the names of every band member in every single band he likes, confirmed…
It’s important to approach online bullying and harassment over social media with a mind like your mom’s legs — open. Verbal abuse on the Internet…
MINNEAPOLIS — British comedy fan Gary Snell is in shock after his date failed to pick up on his reference to the 1980 sitcom “Has…
Welcome to my studio! Or at least the part of the basement that my wife lets me keep all of my gear in. I’ve got…
Person Who Has Never Seen “Star Wars” Not Saying That Because They Want You to Show Them “Star Wars”
Person Who Has Never Seen “Star Wars” Not Saying That Because They Want You to Show Them “Star Wars”
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local graphic designer Sam Davis regretted ever mentioning that he’s never seen “Star Wars” after being inundated with offers by everyone…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Researchers at the Iowa Center for Gene Therapy announced that they may have developed a way for parents to prevent their…
ST. LOUIS — Diehard Tool fan Glenn “Stinkfist” Miranda missed the band’s entire set after a brief display of martial arts resulted in him getting…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would…
LOS ANGELES — Progressive rock band, Sagramore, surprised attendees of their most recent show when they used the time schedule for an encore to assign…
WINNETKA, Ill. — New Trier High School bully from the class of 1997, Al Edwin, is amazed at what losers and lame motherfuckers can get…
SAINT LOUIS — Local Guitar Center sales associate Frank Helms stunned colleagues after discovering you in the Fender section of the store and announcing that…