MINNEAPOLIS — British comedy fan Gary Snell is in shock after his date failed to pick up on his reference to the 1980 sitcom “Has the Shopkeep Been Round with the Twice-Cooked Biscuits, Then?” completely ruining their otherwise “enchanting, romantic evening,” frustrated sources confirmed.
“Our date was going smoothly. Amanda already agreed to split the bill and was cool about me playing ‘Farmville’ while we waited for the blooming onion,” said Snell. “She asked for the check before we even finished eating, so I could tell she was eager to get back to her place for ‘dessert.’ I tried to seal the deal by dropping a hilarious ‘HSKBRTCBT’ reference in which Felix passes out after smelling the stinky Portuguese man on the lift. She looked at me like I was crazy. And to think, I almost let her take my v card.”
Amanda Campos had a very different interpretation of the night’s events.
“To be clear, at no point during our date was he even within sniffing distance of ‘sealing the deal.’ Did he really say that? What an asshole,” said Campos. “I told him I never heard of some sitcom that aired in another country two decades before I was born and that never aired in America, and that you can only watch on imported VHS tapes. So he spent the next 20 minutes shaming me for liking ‘normie shit’ like ‘Parks and Recreation.’ Then he forced me to watch an entire episode of the show on his phone. I told him I couldn’t hear because the bar was noisy but instead of stopping he just screamed all the dialogue into my ear.”
Dating expert Corrine Ibarra has unfortunately seen many situations like the one endured by Campos.
“Whether it be a grotesque obsession with a particular MMORPG or an unnatural love of yacht rock, men and women who hope to find love need to learn to hide their true selves from their partners,” said Ibarra. “Remember, if you’ve spent the past five years crafting a film-accurate Kit Fisto costume, it’s best to wait until at least the honeymoon to reveal it. I suppose my ultimate dating advice is this – ladies, ‘Scrubs’ is not a substitute for a personality. And men, for the love of god, never, ever mention ‘Wonder Showzen’ under any circumstances.”
At press time, Snell and some online friends in an “HSKBRTCBT” forum have spent the past twelve hours doxing Campos for having the audacity to not know a show that they like.