INDIANAPOLIS — Cyndi Lauper’s 1983 hit song “Time After Time” being played in a Trader Joe’s supermarket caused a man to have an actual emotional…
MANCHESTER, England — Ex-Smiths bandmates Morrissey and Johnny Marr were spotted in close proximity of one another at the Oxford Road Tesco Express despite almost…
Time flies. One minute you’re young and invincible with your whole life ahead, and the next you find yourself thinking “wow, what a banger” while…
WASHINGTON — A crowd of onlookers gathered at the entrance of a Safeway supermarket in Columbia Heights in tingling anticipation of a lone shopping cart…
BRICK TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Local punk Andy Chambers was seen shaking his head in frustration after a Costco employee marked his receipt without so much…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing Darkthrone’s black metal scorcher “Summer…
WASHINGTON – Local singer Riley Wambach briefly celebrated hitting one million Spotify streams before being summoned back to the frozen food section of the grocery…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local white man Jacob Foley spent over twenty minutes deciding which hot sauce purchase would best reflect the fact that he opposes…
NEPTUNE, N.J. — Local supermarket cashier and goth Trish Sommers filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her employer after her PTO request for Halloween was…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local sad sack Jarvis Palmer recently deleted all of his social media accounts and now spends most nights at his local grocery…
OXFORD, Ohio — In a journey that exposed one of his most glaring character vulnerabilities, local boyfriend Zach McInnes suffered -7 environmental damage per second…
UTICA, N.Y. — A local hipster was terrorizing shoppers leaving an area Trader Joe’s grocery store yesterday, asking if they’ve ever heard of legendary Upstate…
PHILADELPHIA — Self-checkout unit 2012X-C14 gave two weeks notice yesterday to its Main Line Food Empire store in order to pursue its dream of performing…