PORTLAND, Ore. – Local tattoo enthusiasts are impressed with the variety of urban scavenger and anti-police themed flash available at a new stick and poke operation by artist Katie Watson, sources unconcerned with the possibility of infection report.
“I try to keep a high standard of hygiene,” said Watson from her workspace, a yoga mat on her studio apartment floor. “I have isopropyl alcohol and a whole roll of paper towels. My sharps container is a plastic soda bottle which the people at the needle exchange said was fine. I really strive, as an artist, to keep my flash relevant to current political themes and movements, and combine that with subjects my clientele will relate to. I think my classical training shows through in this selection of work: inspirations include Emory Douglas, Goya, and of course, the animals in the dumpster behind my building.”
In times of increasing economic hardship, many are relieved to find this quality of tattoo work at an affordable price.
“This is the most legit cheap, sketchy tattoo I’ve ever gotten!” said Dan Flores, aspiring professional skater and part-time budtender. “It actually looks like what it’s supposed to: A raccoon saying ACAB. And she barely even made me bleed. My twelve roommates back in our dilapidated house are thinking of having Katie do a guest spot next month in the kitchen. She’ll make 80, maybe even 90 bucks in a single weekend.”
However, not everyone buys into the new standard Watson is setting for stick and pokes.
“I don’t see why you have to get so bougie with birds and letters,” pointed out a local man only known as Yukon Doug. “I used to tattoo tons of people and I can’t even draw. What it’s really about is trying to make an abstract design until you can’t stand the pain. It’s not like you’re gonna let it heal properly anyway. My whole mission in life, at this point, is to take the ‘posers’ out of ‘pokes.’”
At press time, Watson was seen experimenting with new drawings of bats saying “fuck the police.”
Even more surprising than the Murphys’ 2022 decision to release an acoustic album of Woodie Guthrie lyrics was their 2023 decision to release a SECOND acoustic album of Woodie Guthrie lyrics. This shouldn’t be that surprising, though. DKM have been covering traditional and folk songs since the beginning, just never to this extent. Their biggest hit, “I’m Shipping Up To Boston,” was written by Woodie Guthrie. Oh, you knew that already? Well too bad, because here comes the “Tulsa Version” to show you how much less exciting that song could have been. “Okemah Rising” is honestly not a bad use of your time, it’s just that they did so much better with “This Machine Still Kills Fascists,” Why would they release such a low-energy knockoff of the same concept less than a year later? At least they made sure to include a song about killing Hitler in this album too.
It’s fitting that this album checked in at number 11. There’s nothing specifically bad about “11 Short Stories,” it just doesn’t stand out on this list in any meaningful way. Behind the scenes, the Dropkick Murphys have always devoted their time and money to philanthropy through their charity, the Claddagh Fund. This charitable side project heavily influenced this album, and it’s lyrically one of their more mature releases. But this is a band known for their fun, high-energy music. And there’s something profoundly un-”fun” about disabled veterans, kids with cancer, addiction recovery, and the Boston Marathon bombing. We get it, not all art exists to make people smile, but this album is a bummer of an outlier in a catalog full of loud, fun music.
You’ve been a band for fifteen years now, you’ve recorded six studio albums, you’ve gone independent and started your own label, what’s the next logical step? A concept album! Now in their teenage years, Dropkick Murphys are here with an entire album about an Irish immigrant moving to America. The bagpipes and accordion are pretty prominent on this one just in case you somehow forgot this was an Irish-themed band. “Going Out in Style” follows the fictional Cornelius Larkin through a stereotyped Irish-American life of drinking and union labor. It’s a good album to play on a road trip or in your favorite dive bar on St Patrick’s Day, but its choruses largely fail to be as memorable as the band’s early favorites. If this was the first Murphys album you ever heard, you’d probably like it. But this is an album ranking article, and there are nine better options to choose from below.
This was a needed relief from the bleakness of 2020. Dropkick Murphys knew that people weren’t interested in deep, contemplative music at this time. They wanted bands to take advantage of their free time and spend lockdown in the studio writing songs that were light and fun. No weird concept albums. No depressing think pieces about addiction or war. We wanted songs about somebody stealing pudding. Songs about how great it is to be from Suffolk County. Self-aware songs like the title track, which is literally about music being the cure for every shitty thing there is. The same band that refused to break St Patty’s Day tradition in 2020 (when they played a free live-streamed show to an audience of nobody) returned to tell us loudly and clearly that it was ok to be happy again. And also that it’s so awesome to have a bagpiper that he needs a dedicated song at every show. Lee-Boy, Lee-Boy, he’s our guy!
Dropkick Murphys’ sophomore album is the most purely “punk” they’ve ever been. There is practically zero bagpipe on this one, which would not typically be worth noting in a punk album review, but here we are. “The Gang’s All Here” features driving punk drumming which pushes the vocals swiftly along, encouraging them to wrap each song up and move on before they accidentally reach the three-minute mark. The only reason this album is so low on our list is the near absence of Irish influence that fans have come to expect from a band whose logo is a shamrock. Perhaps they were still worried about being pigeon-holed as a Celtic punk band? Later albums would wholeheartedly embrace this label, occasionally to a fault. One clear exception to this theme is their version of “Amazing Grace,” which has been transformed from the official funeral hymn of Irish cops into an earnest and respectable punk anthem.
It was wise to not call this album “Rose Tattoo,” which they clearly considered, given the cover art and its title derived from that song. “Rose Tattoo” is a proud tribute to an admittedly cliché expression of devotion, but it might have come across as insincere or sarcastic as an album title. Another fitting option would have been to name the album after the opening track “The Boys Are Back.” Not just because they seem to open every show with that song now, but as a reminder that the Murphys have returned to making music that balances their Irish influence with modern punk rock. After overdoing it a bit with the experimental “Going Out In Style,” it was time to write some songs that fans could chant along with. They even managed to sneak in a Christmas song, which implies the album’s January release may have been later than intended.
This is the album that “Okemah Rising” wanted to be. When Al Barr was forced to take a break mid-tour to care for an ailing family member, the rest of the band scrambled to figure out what to do without his grimacing mug on stage. After being given access to unreleased lyrics from Woodie Guthrie’s writing, and with encouragement from the sidelined Barr, the remaining Murphys put together an acoustic album. “This Machine” still sounds distinctly like a Dropkick Murphys album, not just an out-of-place folk album played by a Celtic punk band. That’s not an easy task when you’re adding the accordion to folk music. It has the energy and sing-along gang vocals of any of their other releases; just unplugged, and missing Barr’s red-faced shouting. Woodie Guthrie would be proud to hear his words used by a band that so unapologetically plays folk music for punks.
This collection of demos, B-sides, and live recordings is worthy of interrupting our list, even if the Hard Times’ bylaws state that only studio albums get rankings. This album contains hidden gems, though. Go listen to “John Law” and try to explain why it didn’t make the cut for “Do or Die.” Take note of the multiple Clash covers. Enjoy “3rd Man In” with arguably better vocals than the band’s final version. This is a rare example of the album version being tamed down from its demos. But don’t worry, “Firestarter Karaoke” is here to show us that a demo is supposed to be a worse version of the final product. As a reminder that the Murphys have always been a cover band, go check out “Billy’s Bones,” which answers the question “what if The Pogues shouted all of their lyrics?”
“The Meanest of Times” was the band’s last album from the early years when they were still signed to Hellcat Records. While their first few albums were produced by Rancid’s Lars Frederiksen, the producer credit on this album simply goes to “Dropkick Murphys.” Maybe Hellcat was holding them back from making “Going Out In Style”? Whatever the reason for their departure from the label, the Murphys made sure to leave on a high note. This is a fun, high-energy album. Its most popular song, “The State of Massachusetts,” is a textbook example of the Dropkick Murphys. It sounds like a party on the surface, but the lyrics tell the dark tale of a struggling addict having her kids taken away by the state. All while a banjo plucks along with a tune that is suspiciously similar to “I’m Shipping Up To Boston.”
“Blackout” was when Dropkick Murphys really hit their stride as musicians. After a few years of research into how much bagpipe should be included in their music, they decided the correct answer was “whatever we feel like”. The title track “Gonna Be A Blackout Tonight” also foreshadowed the band’s fondness of Woodie Guthrie covers while telling the relatable and timeless tale of hiding from WWII bombers. The rest of the album shows how well a band can fuse Irish instruments into their music. Other than “As One,” in which the bagpipes are given center stage, and a cover of the popular “Fields of Athenry,” most of the piping is used as seasoning to complement the choruses. Overall, these are crowd-pleasing songs about a blue-collar life of friends, family, and beer. Fans of the tongue-in-cheek drinking anthem “Kiss Me I’m Shitfaced” might be surprised to learn that singer and bassist Ken Casey has been sober since before the Dropkick Murphys’ were founded.
This was the band’s first album, and their only studio release featuring original co-lead singer Mike McColgan, who left the band to fulfill his destiny as a Boston firefighter. “Do or Die” is much more street punk and Oi! influenced than you would expect from a band that employs an accordionist and a tin whistle. It’s a timeless collection of songs about drinking, fighting, and how awesome it is to be Irish in Boston. (“Barroom Hero” checks all three boxes). This album includes modern adaptations of both Irish and American folk songs – “Finnegan’s Wake” and “Skinhead on the MBTA,” respectively – as well as several instant classics from the Murphys. They chose to open their debut album with “Cadence to Arms,” which is an all-bagpipe cover of “Scotland the Brave,” because American listeners don’t really seem to care about the difference between Irish and Scottish culture.
The Dropkick Murphys could have made their name as simply an Irish-themed cover band and been successful. Instead, they perfected this niche of Irish-inspired punk music so well that you wouldn’t guess which songs are covers vs their original works on “Sing Loud.” “Good Rats” tells the tale of a rodent-infested brewery from the point of view of the rats as they party and drink themselves to death in a vat of beer. This plays like it was from an old Irish pub song, but is in reality a Murphys original, featuring the slurred guest vocals of the Pogues’ own Shane MacGowan. Who but the Murphys could write fake Irish music so convincingly that the founding father of Celtic punk joined them in a song? One of the more memorable songs on this album is the pro-union “Which Side Are You On?” a cover of a 1930s American folk song made famous by UK folk singer and punk muse Billy Bragg.
The album that contained Dropkick Murphys’ biggest single, “I’m Shipping Up To Boston,” should clearly be at the top of this list. This hype-you-up anthem, with its four lines of repeating lyrics, went platinum. It was featured TWICE in “The Departed.” It has become a pop-culture cliché to include this song in any movie set in Boston, much to the dismay of the airport employees hearing it on loop as you film your shitty TikToks in Logan airport. The only song that’s really worth skipping is the Red Sox anthem “Tessie.” This entire album is high-energy punk rock, from the street punk “Citizen C.I.A” to the more melodic “Take It And Run.” It only slows down to catch its breath for a few minutes during “The Green Fields of France.” Even the traditional “The Auld Triangle” has been transformed from Irish folk to Boston punk in the hands of the Murphys.
The McBain actor would absolutely not invest in crypto because he once saw a commercial with Matt Damon promoting it, and Rainier is still soured by the fact that Damon beat him out for the lead in the “Bourne Identity” movies.
Old people do not invest in crypto. They accumulated wealth by being born at the right time and believing they worked hard for it, while not realizing they only needed one part-time job to afford a house, two cars, and seven children. The rest of us will have to gamble our money in the stock market in hopes of one day living slightly above the poverty line.
Clancy Wiggum would definitely not invest in “cryptozoology” or “kryptonite” or whatever it is people are talking about. Boy, would he like to understand why everyone keeps bringing it up though.
Marge seems like she is skeptical of every opportunity that is presented to her. Bitcoin will be no different. She’s going to pass on it because she doesn’t quite get why it’s better than a good old fashioned quarter fresh from the mint.
This man stopped acquiring new information during the Carter administration. The thought of something called Ethereum might just kill him.
Moe is staunchly anti-cryptocurrency, mainly because an anonymous source once called him at the bar about something called Titcoin and he thought for sure he was getting pranked with a made-up name, so he hung up and unplugged the phone for the rest of the week and kept his shotgun pointed at the door.
Mayor Quimby primarily gets money from lobbyists and corporate sponsors who want him to do his bidding, which is quite lucrative. That’s just how the government works now. He doesn’t say a word about that part though.
Disco Stu does not have extra money to invest after blowing it all on a custom-made disco ball that hangs above his bed. He’s got his priorities, albeit questionable by non-1970s standards.
These total nerds are happy just being alive and can’t be bothered obsessing about getting ahead financially. They’re too busy being grateful for the life they already have. Fucking dorks.
Cletus just can’t quite grasp the concept of a type of money that you can’t see, that’s not exactly money, yet can be used as money, but also not used as money in normal places where you would use money. Seriously, it’s not that hard, dude.
Chalmers is currently superintending eight school districts, and he deep down hates every single one of the principals. No time to invest his physical money in digital money.
A large portion of Jasper’s life savings is being likely siphoned off by health insurance companies. Someone should probably do something about old people being taken advantage of and gradually sucked dry financially by predatory third parties.
Barney prefers to invest in more immediate, consumable, and physical stocks, like Duff beer. He may be hammered on his investments and in desperate need of a friend group who doesn’t enable him, but at least he’s not cornering you at the bar to talk about something called ETFs.
Miss Hoover makes a teacher’s salary and on top of that has to buy her own school supplies. This is not a recipe for personal cryptocurrency enterprises.
If you’re someone who spends all your time plotting and enacting revenge, there’s a good chance that wealth-building strategies aren’t top of mind. Attempted murder is at least a more interesting topic of conversation than a digital currency that is personally endorsed by Ashton Kutcher, who also endorsed Danny Masterson.
Otto still uses a Walkman to listen to music on cassette. He has yet to step into the digital age where we pay streaming services for music instead of artists themselves. There’s just no way crypto is on this guy’s radar.
No one quite knows for sure Willie’s stance on crypto. This is essentially due to the fact that not a single person seeks out his opinion on financial decisions. Or anything, really. Why start now?
Kirk was the only person in existence who somehow capitalized on the Beanie Baby investment craze in the ‘90s, but he’s not able to tell anyone about it because it’s embarrassing as hell. This man is a vault when it comes to investments.
Montgomery got rich in the more traditional way of exploiting workers for profit and personal gain. Making money through volatile crypto investments just doesn’t have the same feel to it.
Ned primarily invests in his small business called The Leftorium which he owns and operates. How this store stays afloat at the Springfield Mall is anyone’s guess. On the other hand, if a store called Lids that seems to sell baseball hats exclusively is still alive and well then anything is possible. Unless of course The Leftorium and Lids are both fronts for money laundering schemes. Then that explains everything.
Financial health is just as important to Dr. Hibbert as physical health. In his medical opinion, you shouldn’t invest in something you don’t fully understand. Nevertheless, he mainly recommends you invest in yourself, which is great advice if you can ever figure out what the hell that even means.
Pedro Chespirito is a total wildcard. He has his own slapstick comedy show, seemingly always dresses up as a bee even when not on set, and he’s even on a bowling team where he wears a bowling shirt over his bumblebee costume. Your guess is as good as mine on this guy.
Smithers is a practical man. He puts his money in a high yield savings account and plays the long game. He will talk about how he has a 4.35% interest return, but no one will know what the hell he’s talking about. Like, what’s a savings account?
Helen is currently protesting the evils of crypto. She can’t explain what it is or why it’s evil, but it must be nefarious if it’s new and she can’t comprehend it in simple, faith-based terms.
Kent will actually speak about crypto during the news itself, but only because one of those digital currency companies paid to be an advertiser. The primary purpose of the news is to plug whatever entity gives them the most money to promote the product they’re selling. This is not Kent’s fault.