MELVILLE, N.Y. — Notable music technology corporation KORG released a new guitar pedal designed to cancel negative comments and other feedback from bandmates, agitated musicians confirm.
“This pedal is a game changer. I’ve never heard my guitar parts so clearly,” says lead guitarist of Big Doubt, Liam Nostrand. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve suggested cool ideas for the band that were immediately shut down the second I’d bring them up. I was feeling like the Ringo of the band–that was until I got this pedal. Now, I can’t hear a single one of their snide comments like ‘that sucks’ and ‘you’re ruining the song’.”
Long time friend and bassist for Big Doubt, Derrick Patterson, expressed his disdain for the new gear.
“This thing is destroying the band, and Liam doesn’t seem to care at all,” said a visibly defeated Patterson. “We keep trying to tell him his guitar is out of tune and to stop playing leads over the verses but he just ignores us completely. We’ve even tried kicking him out several times but he keeps showing up to practice and suggesting we cover this Mest song nobody likes. I feel like nothing we say is getting through to him. He’s always been bad with criticism, but now it’s completely out of control.”
Despite the mixed reviews and comments circulating the internet, KORG USA President Joe Castronovo believes in the company’s latest piece of technology.
“Here at KORG, we believe in the players’ right to express themselves,” said a seething Castronovo. “Negative feedback has never done anything but stifle creativity. I can’t stand the stuff myself. Especially from people at my own company! Who cares if an idea is bad enough to sink the whole operation? If people are paying for our products, we will fully support whatever they have to do to actually use them.”
At press time, Big Doubt announced that it parted ways with every member of the band except Liam, and that the upcoming tour would be a one man act.