Are you struggling to connect with modern dating? It’s been said that many people feel frustrated with the apps, and are looking for ways to meet a potential partner in person.
According to experts, the issue with dating apps is that they force you to paint yourself in a positive, competent light. And as much as that can make you attractive to potential matches at first, it’s not necessarily conducive to a long-term partnership. Sometimes, people can feel catfished when a dating profile advertises someone falsely.
So I brainstormed this brilliant icebreaker. Because if someone is going to date me, they need to know all of the things that truly make up who I am, including my lack of musical ability and attention-seeking tendencies.
I decided to start playing the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” riff incorrectly at Guitar Center for several hours at a time. I challenged myself to do it for five days in a row, and here’s how it went:
Day 1: Within seconds, a man approached me. He pointed out that I was playing the riff incorrectly, and gallantly offered to teach me. But as we were having our meet cute, another man approached us. He shoved the first guy out of the way, and then things escalated into a fistfight. Unfortunately, it reached the point where the employees were forced to call the police.
Day 2: Just like yesterday, a potential suitor came up to me almost immediately. He went to demonstrate how to play the riff, but struggled. He insisted that he hadn’t played it in a long while, and he was just rusty. As he fumbled around, another man approached him and offered a suggestion. They hit it off and began flirting, and eventually exchanged numbers.
Day 3: At first, I wondered if the employees were getting sick of hearing me play the same riff over and over. But now I’m fairly positive that they enjoy hearing it. In fact, one of them started crying what I can only assume were tears of joy. She even offered to pay one of the customers to come over and help me learn to play it correctly. What a great wingwoman!
Day 4: At this point, things were starting to feel a bit stale. So I decided to shake things up by playing some other songs incorrectly. Almost immediately, the manager came and kicked me out. When I asked why, they said something about how “this is a place of business” and I “can’t keep having rehearsals for my math rock band” there.
Day 5: Unfortunately, I was informed that I have been banned from several Guitar Center locations within North America. There are signs with a picture of me posted outside saying to not let me in. I’m disappointed but not heartbroken because it’s a pretty decent photo of me.
So there you have it! Although I didn’t find lasting love during this experiment, there were some undeniable successes here.
Sure, I still don’t know how to play the riff correctly. And I was banned from a major chain of businesses. But putting yourself out there is never really without risk.
A little rejection isn’t going to stop me, and I’m not giving up just yet! Because there are still plenty of fish in the sea, as well as other music stores. As they say: When God closes a door, he opens up a window. When you get banned from Guitar Center, a Sam Ash opens up down the street.
First album to be released since their self-titled debut without Adrian Smith on guitar, there was a noticeable step down in songwriting quality that seemed to have gotten lost somewhere along the line, and performances all suffered as a result. For the first time in their career up until that point, Maiden seemed to be at a loss for words, sounds, and needed to cover new grounds instead of retreading old if they were to stay relevant.
A meandering rehash of music previously explored, lacking in both songwriting and actual songs, “Senjutsu” fell flat after the late career high that was “Book of Souls,” ironic since this album could use some souls from that book. When your songs become unrelatable (with sometimes unpronounceable names), it’s time to look into sejuts-you.
Named for their recently departed singer, the album sees replacement Blayze Bailey provide a balance between the raw vocals of Paul Di’Anno and the Operatic Bruce Dickinson, without the visceral punch of either. The songwriting, on both the more straightforward and longer songs, drag and bore when compared to other Maiden releases, so do yourself a favor and release yourself from this album.
Maiden’s last album of the millennium to feature Bruce Dickinson on vocals was marred with infighting and disagreement, evidenced by the lack of collaboration between Dickinson and Harris, at this point the songwriting team in Iron Maiden. “Fear of the Dark” showcases Maiden at both their best and worst simultaneously, with future lullaby “Fear of the Dark” reaching the scared child in metalheads everywhere, and the straight-up lies of “Be Quick or Be Dead,” since while that song is fast, it hits dead in the water.
What the Fuck is “Virtual XI” anyways? It is a step up from the X Factor, and to be honest, kind of a kickass entry into the Maiden mythos, with all the standard Maiden trademarks, even ’80s style synths on “The Angel and The Gambler.” There is a lot going on with this album, and the band was making the most of a not-great situation, so props to them, it lands with magnificence and grace, sooo, um Maiden Bro?
Going forward there are no bad Maiden Albums, but we must rank these albums with as much journalistic integrity as possible, so someone has to be the least best, eh. Which is a real shame because this album is also great, and may not have as many “classics” as other albums on this list, “The Final Frontier” dares us to look beyond our earthly coil, or Maiden’s early career, proving that while they’re old, they’re far from obsolete. So good job boys, good job indeed at making ours harder.
Maiden’s millennium comeback, featuring the return of both Bruce Dickinson and Adrian Smith, with an unprecedented 3 guitar lineup. Maiden’s recovery from the Metal-unfriendly ’90s is as refreshing as their trooper brand ale. That’s not to say that this album is flawless, but since they had just re-enlisted their PILOT lead singer, course correction would be a simple task, and with heart to give, Maiden were begging to be set free.
Recovering from the terrible cover of “Dance of the Dead” with one of the more kickass album covers of any band, Maiden continued their millennium march of majestic proportion, with not just one, but two discs of your typical thrashers and a healthy amount of prog epics to boot. The band was truly playing as if this were a matter of life and death, and they chose life, to the dismay of longtime fan Mark Renton!
Closing out the ’80s in the most ’80s way possible, this record sees Maiden at their cleanest production-wise, at times too clean for the discerning metal head (they’re not known for hygiene). It was also the most keyboard-heavy and prog-tinted record the band had put out at this point, marking an inflection between the older, rawer Maiden and the middle-aged metal gentlemen they were becoming. Like everything else on this list, it’s essential listening
Maiden’s official debut featured a more raw, more punk production which didn’t detract from the proggier songs, proving that you could have both raw aggression and compositional competence. The only record with guitarist Dennis Stratton, it set the stage for what was to come, and the cover art has one of the most popular t-shirt designs worldwide to this very day.
Featuring one of the second most popular t-shirt designs, and guitarist Adrian Smith for the first of many successful outings, “Killers” refined the previous rawness of the band’s debut with noticeably better production and one of metal’s defining guitar duos. This would unfortunately be the last outing with singer Paul Di’Anno, as he succumbed to powder, negatively affecting his performance, but check out his work in Battlezone if you ever wanna feel like a Wrathchild.
Looking to the new millennium with a renewed sense of optimism, the band decided to use CGI art for the cover, to disastrous results. But don’t let the album art fool you, Maiden look to the day that we all dance to death, and with this collection of catchy, propulsive songs, who could resist the call of the dance.
Church groups to the left of them. PMRC to the right. But still, regardless of opposition, Maiden was determined to rule the night, and with a chunk of brain serving as tribute, the metal gods determined that Maiden had earned the status of Lords of Metal (the title, not the film), and it’s a title well earned. This is also the first album with Nicko McBrain, so big smiles everyone, that’s an order (RIP Clive Burr).
A late-career gem from Iron Maiden sees the band in golden god form that would make Dennis Reynolds both proud and jealous, “Book of Souls” fuses Maiden’s metal, prog, and symphonic influences into holy perfection, reinforced by decades of experiments coming to this glorious occasion. Even including a tribute to the late great Robin Williams in the form of “Tears for a Clown,” this album is a career on glorious display.
Sometime in the ’80s, the synthesizer became the instrument de jour, allowing many bands and musicians to explore newer, more ethereal sounds. And while their metal compatriots on the other side of the pond were going for a more jagged and raw sound with the burgeoning thrash scene, Steve Harris and Co. were fusing their love of ’70s prog with modern technology, proving that Maiden are neither stuck in the past, present, or future, but somewhere in time.
A metal and Maiden milestone, debuting the all mighty Bruce Dickinson for all to see and experience, with his iconic scream on the title track becoming a historical moment in metal, so much so that we predict there will be songs written about it in the future. Every song on this album is either a live staple, or a certified classic, or a certified classic that was removed to give room to other future classics (looking your way “Run to the Hills”).
Opening with one of Rock’n’Roll’s best one two punches and condensed WW2-Cold war history lessons in the form of “Aces High” and “2 Minutes to Midnight,” this album sees the band at the height of their power, with not succumbing to this power, and becoming a slave. Plus that album artwork is the cherry on top with its majestic and presumably accurate portrayal of ancient Egypt. Just like how Maiden sings the praises of historical events, future generations are bound to sing about the wonders of this masterpiece. Maiden Bro!