Every Deafheaven Album Ranked Worst to Best

Deafheaven appeared out of nowhere in 2011 with a solid debut LP, and then became the decade’s most exhaustively-argued-about purveyors of heavy music in 2013. They might be the most “love it or hate it” thing in metal since Metallica hired Bob Rock and decided it was okay to hear bass again. Deafheaven’s discography follows a pretty straightforward arc: black metal with a little dream pop, then an equal mixture of black metal and dream pop, and finally, dream pop with a little black metal. They have an EP, a killer standalone single, and five studio albums. Let’s go:

5. Ordinary Corrupt Human Love (2018)

Deafheaven had been straddling the line between underground and mainstream at this point, but the rave reviews from NPR helped make this the kind of record that could win a Grammy and be sold as an impulse item at the Whole Foods checkout. The sudden softening of their sound is outright startling, and makes the heavier parts feel tacked on, rather than intrinsic to the songwriting. Chelsea Wolfe appears on one track (as well as roughly 65% of metal albums worth listening to that were made in the 2010s), harmonizing gorgeously with vocalist George Clarke’s suddenly clean vocals. By no means a bad record, but it lacks momentum and cohesion.

Play It Again: “Glint” and “Near” (the latter is Deafheaven’s first unabashed dive into pure dream pop and it’s goddamn gorgeous)
Skip It: “You Without End.” Is there such a thing as sounding too triumphant? If so, this is it.

4. Infinite Granite (2021)

Every abrasive underground band is legally required to eventually put out one album that makes all the critics raise an eyebrow and say “Well, this is different!” This record completed the shift that Ordinary Corrupt Human Love had teased, pushing the dream pop/black metal ratio to something like 9:1. It’s like Beach House teamed up with Mogwai and they all binged on molly and early Mayhem records. The tracks are catchy and sexy as hell, but there’s a bland sameness that starts to creep in by the time you get to the halfway point. Whereas OCHL suffers from mild lack of cohesion, Infinite Granite suffers from mild homogeneity. While Clarke’s sudden banshee shrieks at the end of “Mombassa” gave some critics the vapors, that’s probably because they bought OCHL at Whole Foods three years earlier and never listened to anything else the band has ever done.

Play it Again: “Great Mass of Color,” “Shellstar”
Skip It: Honestly, we’re already at the point where skipping anything would be a damn shame, but we have to admit that “Neptune Raining Diamonds” lays the synths on a little too thick, and we didn’t even know that was possible. But yeah . . . lots of heavy synth.

3. New Bermuda (2015)

Deafheaven’s heaviest full-length. The band had just made themselves a reputation as too lightweight for the metalheads and too intense for the indie kids. But with New Bermuda, the band clearly wants to win over the metalheads; most of this thing sounds like molten steel boiling over in your speakers. And yet, there’s still a thoughtful sense of dynamic range. On opening track “Brought to the Water,” for a little over a minute, full-throttle white-knuckle metal gives way to waves of ethereal, chorus-saturated arpeggios. It’s a tantalizing glimpse of where the band’s next albums will go. But then, with a sudden whole-step descending hammer-on, it’s back to heavy-as-hell business as usual. We wanted to dock a point for the vinyl release being 2 LPs played at 45 RPM, because that’s weirdly annoying, but it still kicks hella ass.

Play It Again: “Luna”
Skip It: No, we’re not doing that anymore

Honorable Mention: Self-Titled Demo/EP

This was just George Clarke and Kerry McCoy before they put together any sort of lasting line-up. The songs aren’t as memorable, but it’s a super-heavy and head-bangable slab of abstract metal that feels immense and crushing while you’re in it, even if afterward you couldn’t hum a single bar if your life depended on it.

Play It Again: “Libertine Dissolves”
Skip It: “Bedrooms,” if you want absolutely nothing but hard-driving metal with no ethereal interludes whatsoever, you philistine.

2. Roads to Judah (2011)

Those slabs of abstract melody in the demo start to turn into something a little more refined here. Opener “Violet,” for instance, really takes its time with the ominously shimmering prelude before absolutely exploding a little past the four-minute mark. The whole album is basically a blueprint for taking the loud-quiet-loud dynamic of post-metal outfits like Isis and Pelican and Russian Circles, and raising the stakes several times over, fashioning a reliable-but-sometimes-tired routine into something uniquely unrestrained and emotive. Bonus points for the gorgeous cover art.

Play it Again: There are only four tracks, and the whole thing is practically EP length, so just put it all on repeat.
Skip It: Nothing to skip here

Honorable Mention: “Black Brick” (2019)

Deafheaven took their time putting out this unused track from the “Ordinary Corrupt Human Love” sessions, with no fanfare or promotion whatsoever, and it’s hard to believe that it didn’t make it onto the album. You could make the case that it just didn’t quite fit in with the other songs, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but only because it’s so much better than any of them. Thrashy, gnarly, in-your-face, and possibly the heaviest thing the band has ever made.

Play it Again: All of it
Skip It: None of it

 

1. Sunbather (2013)

Look, we tried really REALLY hard to find a reason not to rank it number one, but this record broke the early 2010s metal scene wide open, leaving heavy music fans pondering whether they could abide an Abercrombie-model-looking lead singer shrieking about “your moon dreams of the dirt and the sharp tongue of your zealous will” over blast beats and tremolo picking. The artsy flourishes that give the album space to breathe are genuinely affecting too. One field recording of an unhinged street preacher is pure Godspeed You Black Emperor, and we mean that in the best possible way. Another recording of guitarist Kerry McCoy trying to score drugs with his last $60, played over a malevolent dirge, is equally haunting. But none of these little avant-garde gestures would add up to much if the music around them weren’t so viciously uncompromising. 24 seconds into album opener “Dream House,” when those chords drop, you’ll think you got hit by the sonic equivalent of a humanity-ending asteroid. If this isn’t the best metal album of its decade, it’s certainly the most important.

Play it Again: Yes
Skip It: How dare you

Punk Goes to State Fair “Ironically” for 7th Straight Year

SALEM, Ore. — Local punk Trent Jackson planned to attend the state fair “ironically” this weekend, making it the seventh year in a row he’s made such a proclamation, sources close to the man confirmed.

“Hell yeah, the state fair is coming up, I can’t wait to eat fried cotton candy and check out the carousel, zipper, and gravitron rides—as I try to stifle laughter at all the cornfed hillbillies having the greatest day of their life. I’m not excited about it or anything, you just get a really good view of all the lame shit I want to make fun of from the ferris wheel,” said Jackson, discreetly crossing another date off his calendar. “And obviously the only reason I wanna go see the baby piglet races at the 4-H Pavilion is so I can yell cop jokes at them. Otherwise, I could really take it or leave it.”

But as the days ticked down to the opening weekend, Jackson’s friends started to grow suspicious at his enthusiasm for the fair.

“I’m always down to go eat some fucked up fried food and rip on stupid families for enjoying themselves in public, but if I didn’t know any better I’d think Trent was actually excited about the state fair—it’s all he’s been talking about for weeks,” said longtime friend Alfie Cruz, eyeing the collection of state fair entry bands Jackson had in his apartment. “It’d be one thing if we just hopped the fence to get in and boosted some prizes from the ring toss booth, but he actually shelled out for a three-day pass this year. He better have stolen some drink tickets for the beer garden or something, because that was supposed to be our coke money.”

One wizened old carnival worker warned that the glitz and glamor of the state fair can be too much for even the most ironic visitors to resist for long.

“I used to be a punk just like those kids, but the intoxicating allure of the state fair captivated me down to my core. Sure you come here as a joke at first, but one day the trailer behind the matterhorn becomes your matterhome and you never return to your old life,” said Creed Murphy, knocking over a bottle with a perfectly aimed stream of chewing tobacco spit. “But carny life ain’t so bad—it’s easy to drink on the job, hygiene isn’t a big deal, ripping tourists off is encouraged—actually come to think of it, my life really hasn’t changed much since my street punk days.”

At press time, Jackson was last seen having the time of his life moshing in the bumper car pit.

How I Forgave Myself for Hitting That Guy With My Car and Found the Strength To Keep Driving

If I’ve learned anything from listening to hours upon hours of Jaden Smith’s Podcast Business Of Hype, it’s that only YOU can build yourself up, and only YOU can tear yourself down. I simply refuse to tear myself down. As Jaden says, the meaning of life is not despair and anxiety, it is learning to love yourself more and more each day.

I have learned to love myself and forgive my spirit for all of my faults. Yes, I can be a little angry when I get hungry. Yes, at times I am not the most understanding partner. Yes, I hit a guy with my car today, let his body roll off the windshield, and fled the scene. The only thing I can do is give myself the space to understand my behavior and work through things in my past that led up to this.

It truly does not involve the man that I hit with my car today. He is on his own journey. Lifting my emotional baggage is the real work here.

Jaden recently had an episode that explored forgiveness. I knew that if I was ever going to forgive this man for getting in the way of my car, I was going to have to forgive myself.

For self-forgiveness to be completely effective I had to remember that treating myself with kindness and compassion was the most important thing. I accepted the situation that happened. I didn’t beat myself up for being on my phone while driving. I got some Carvel, as a little reward.

I forgave myself for being unaware that my car had hopped a curve. I am healing from the fact that I hit a man with my car. I do not regret finding the courage to drive away after I realized I hit the man with my car. I am proud of myself for thinking about if that man is in critical condition at the hospital. I am proud of myself for taking a grief counseling course at ITT Tech so I can help guide the family in their mourning process if he happens to die.

Thanks to healing work from Jaden Smith’s podcast I am able to put one foot in front of the other and put the pedal to the metal. That is what heroes do, and I am my hero.

51 Indie Songs From the 2000s Ranked by How Much They Can Still Make Millennials Cry

Ah, the 2000s. A simpler time, when a thousand weird mp3 blogs all named “Melted Acetate Owl” or something were a thing. Climate change and American politics were only, like, regular-bad. Indie music had it all: Sweaty danceable post-punk. Earnest folksy acoustic fare. Quirky eclectic pop. Garage rock revival and the revival of the revival. Emo-adjacent rock. Sadness galore in all genres!

Well, dust off your first-generation iPod and draw the curtains in your pathetic little apartment. It took us an unprecedented 114 crying interruptions, two breakups, and eight failed attempts to log back into our LiveJournals, but we did it. We’ve scientifically ranked 51 both extremely popular and lesser-known indie songs of the era based on how much they can still make you sob.

Also, we can already hear you yelling in the comments about what “indie” technically is or isn’t, and we’d appreciate it if you’d spare our aging ears and fragile hearts. This is a very big tent here, okay?

51. Air “Highschool Lover”

Let’s start out easy — this one doesn’t even have any lyrics! Except wait, the music itself is a little nostalgic and melancholy, and oof, it’s from the “Virgin Suicides” soundtrack. I don’t want to do these rankings anymore already.

50. Doves “Caught By The River”

All the instrumental hallmarks of the era’s big stirring britpop, but the lyrics just feel broadly emotional rather than outright sad. Rating: Mascara still intact.

49. Grizzly Bear “Two Weeks”

Okay, not inherently super depressing. More like “a routine malaise” — get it? This mega-hit was inescapable in every coffeehouse and other artsy space in 2009. Now your local artsy space is long gone and replaced by, depending on your location, either a Dollar General or soulless “luxury” apartments.

48. Cat Power “He War”

Ranked low on this list because we’re FINALLY over our college exes (mostly) and not punching walls while playing it on the Discman, but it’s still an iconic powerhouse of a song.

47. The Mountain Goats “No Children”

Everyone knows this one. The TikTok teens know this one. It’s made the rounds so much that even though it’s still pretty dark, it’s also kinda funny and it ultimately doesn’t hurt much (Julien Baker live cover notwithstanding, obviously).

46. The Walkmen “The Rat”

Nice when this classic rocker pops up on Spotify while you’re trying to “get your steps in” on a clunky mini-stepper on your living room carpet on a Saturday night. All your friends have kids and don’t even text you on your birthday. The line “Now I go out alone if I go out at all” feels pretty real now.

45. Keane “Everybody’s Changing”

From the poppier segment of the the Sad Soaring British Rock era. Still pretty but just moderately sad. Even though, yes, everybody is still changing and I still don’t feel the same.

44. MGMT “Time To Pretend”

Even when the beats were party-ready enough to shimmy around in your metallic American Apparel A-line skirt and the band’s persona was carefree and ironic, the lyrics were often still bleak. At the time you heard this song and thought the future corporate drone life described sounded bad. Turns out … it’s all bad.

43. Animal Collective “My Girls”

Back in 2009, this was a pleasant and possibly realistic vision: “With a little girl and by my spouse/I only want a proper house.” Now, have you seen Zillow and Tinder lately? Both are a nightmare, delete the apps from your phone right now.

42. Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Maps”

Another banger that you can dance to while magically still getting upset. The deep longing! The lyric repetition! The fact their biggest payday came from Beyonce sampling the song. What a world.

41. The Knife “Heartbeats”

Has there ever been a more emotional song about … a one-night stand? Didn’t think so. That’s the music era we’re dealing with here, folks. Bonus: Listen to the delicate José González cover, too, and cry in a more acoustic sort of way.

40. Of Montreal “Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games”

Singing over a bouncy bassline about pretending you don’t exist and pretending you’re in Antarctica was mostly just good ol’ kooky fun back then. Now as the climate fully collapses, it’s more of a dire warning.

39. Cursive “The Recluse”

Seriously? Another song about a one-night stand that winds up hitting unexpectedly hard? Whether that’s still your life these days or you’ve been faithfully married forever, it’s time to feel things again with that spider metaphor.

38. Iron & Wine “Such Great Heights”

What an uplifting and spirited rendition of an already upbeat song. Listen to this beautiful acoustic cover while remembering that “Garden State” is almost 20 years old now. That’s old. But not in a cool retro way. In a cringy outdated way. Just like you.

37. VHS or Beta “Burn It All Down”

More of that extremely 2000s danceable bleakness. Little did we even know back in college how much more we’d want to burn it all down now.

36. Built to Spill “Liar”

“It takes up all your life/these decisions you make” was so deep and philosophical in your LiveJournal bio. Now the decisions are, like, whether to email or Slack your boss a polite request to finally take one vacation day and maybe which violent Netflix show to zone out to before not sleeping.

35. The Decemberists “Sons & Daughters”

Do you have kids by now? Do you not have kids? All right, good for you either way, but just wait until the harmonies in the refrain about the bombs. Oof.

34. Bon Iver “Skinny Love”

Is it a classic? Sure. Is it still sad? You bet. We’re going to rank it lower just because you’ve probably heard it enough times to build up some emotional immunity. I think that’s a thing. I also really don’t want to listen for the 7,000th time right now.

33. The Good Life “Album Of The Year”

The excruciatingly detailed tale of a failed relationship. No matter how many times you hear it, you’ll desperately hope that maybe this time, things will work out for the poor guy in the song. And also for you. (No such luck for either.)

32. Shout Out Louds “Wish I Was Dead Pt. 2”

We’re getting deeper into the list now, the tears are flowing, and there’s something just a little too comforting about those “were featured on ‘The OC’ soundtracks and are morbid but not in a metal way at all” sorts of songs.

31. The Postal Service “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight”

We’re dancing! But we’re sad! Here we go again with perhaps one of the best-known bands to perfect this devastating combo in the 2000s. You know this song. You probably also know The Postal Service is hitting the road on a 20th anniversary tour this year, and you may have even bought tickets while fretting about how your creaky back will cope and whether or not your credit card can handle the cost.

30. Interpol “Slow Hands”

If you still don’t know exactly what this excellent gloomy song is about, a commenter on a lyric discussion site posted, “Get off the internet all the time and maybe you won’t be sad” as the interpretation. In 2004. Maybe they were on to something, guys. Let’s try it.

Eight Takeaways from the First Republican Presidential Primary Debate

Fox News hosted the first Republican presidential primary last night where eight of the worst people you could ever meet took the stage to prove how terrible they are. Notably absent was former President Trump who skipped the event amid his legal turmoil. Thankfully he was still able to show the world he was a complete piece of crap with a pre-taped interview with Tucker Carlson broadcast on X.

Here are eight key takeaways from the night.

Vivek Ramaswamy killed a hitchhiker in the high desert

During a tense exchange with former Vice President Mike Pence over January 6th Ramaswamy broke from his talking points, stared directly down the lens of a camera, and said “I’ll strangle you like I did to that guy outside of Bisbee. Nobody will ever find the body.” He then said he would be more than willing to pardon Trump if he was found guilty of any federal charges. Sources close to Ramaswamy confirmed that he remained visibly erect for several hours after his confession.

Ron DeSantis floundered due to technical issues with the remote control vibrator in his anus

The Florida governor seemed distracted and content to stay in the background all night. The few times he did speak up he kept complaining about the “erratic frequency” of the intimacy device his wife was controlling from their home in Florida. He claimed it felt good at some points, but other times felt like when you stick your tongue on a 9-volt battery. “No god-fearing taxpayer should have to shell out $180 for a Lovense Hush 2 Buttplug only for his wife’s control app to crash during an important meeting.”

Chris Christie finally realized how dumb of a name he has

Shortly after being introduced the former New Jersey governor seemingly had a moment of clarity regarding his name. “My parents must be the least creative people in the world,” Christie said in response to nothing. “They named their child ‘Christopher Christie?’ They couldn’t think of anything better? I’m basically fucking Robert Robertson, Tommy Thompson. Did they even love me?” Christie then refused to answer any more questions until people started referring to him as “Colt Christie.”

Mike Pence became the bad boy of the Republican Party

Pence surprised his rivals, the moderators, and the audience by shedding his suit within the first minute to reveal a fresh AC/DC shirt, which he then covered with a leather jacket before going on multiple expletive-laden rants. “People think I’m a little too buttoned up, well I got news for you friend, I’m a certified pussy hound,” Pence said before doing a vulgar gesture where he mimicked eating out a woman’s vagina for the remainder of his time. When asked about climate change he said “It’s fake as fuck, but as long as hot mommas keep dumping out their tits I don’t give a shit.” According to some reports he mimed jerking off in the direction of whoever was speaking.

Nikki Haley is out of touch with the party base

The former governor of South Carolina was the only candidate to acknowledge the reality of climate change, and the only person on stage to openly trash rising country star Oliver Anthony whose song “Rich Men North of Richmond” is full of references to QAnon conspiracies. “This ginger fuck has the worst voice I’ve ever heard. I’m sorry, but if you want real country music give me some Garth Brooks,” Haley said to a chorus of boos. “My dumbest nephew could have written a better song in five minutes and the kid has never touched a guitar. That song sucks dick and the guy’s beard definitely smells like dog shit. You know he’s eaten out a dog’s ass at least once, you know it.”

Tim Scott clearly got the wrong sandwich before the debate

Scott, also from South Carolina, seemed distracted and upset all night due to a mix-up with his lunch order earlier in the day. When asked about global warming he replied “Let me answer your question with a question, is a meatball sandwich and a chicken parm sub the same thing pal? No, they’re not, right? I’m not crazy? Great.” Scott continued airing his grievance when asked about abortion rights. “I don’t care if they have the same cheese on top, they have different buns and you eat them at completely different angles,” Scott said. Scott’s bitterness toward an unnamed aid continued all the way into his closing statement “I had to wipe my hands on the couch like an animal. Grab napkins before you leave the restaurant, it’s common sense.”

Asa Hutchinson is terrified of aliens

During a brief exchange between Chris Christie and Moderator Martha MacCallum about the existence of extraterrestrials Asa Hutchinson screamed “They are already here and have been living in my brain for years.” The other candidates tried to laugh it off, but Hutchinson spoke in detail about how when he was a boy fishing by a creek he was abducted by aliens, forced to “smoke drugs,” and claimed he was given all the knowledge of how to survive the coming armageddon. After the outburst, he curled into a ball on the stage and mumbled “I never asked for any of this” over and over until production cut his mic and covered him with a Fox News blanket.

Doug Burgum is a liar when it comes to basketball

The governor of North Dakota almost didn’t make it to the stage after injuring his Achilles heel during a game of basketball with his staffers. When asked about details surrounding the injury Burgum claimed he had been 40 for 40 beyond the 3-point line with 75 rebounds and 230 assists. He said he ruptured the ligament when attempting a 360, between-the-legs dunk from the free throw line that he easily made, but because the dunk was so strong and shattered the glass he ended up hurting his leg when he landed back on the ground. He later clarified “Actually the injury was on purpose, because I’m tired of winning so easily.”

 

The Next Anthony Bourdain? This Guy Keeps Lighting Cigarettes Inside a Ramen Shop

I wait tables at a French bistro in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. We’ve got a Michelin star, a killer take on steak-frites, and a lot of line cooks with pill problems. The community down here is unbelievable, and it seems that every day, another aspiring gourmand arrives looking to actualize their culinary dreams.

Just the other day, I’m walking by Tori Noodle, and I see this string-bean looking fellow, dark sunglasses and a plain white tee shirt. I muse aloud to myself, “damn, could that be the next Anthony Bourdain?” But realistically, I probably just thought that because he kept lighting cigarettes inside a ramen shop.

Every day at Tori Noodle, he’s there. Two gorgeous plumes rising above him, one from his Tonkatsu ramen and the other from a freshly lit Marlboro Red. His face looks like it’s seen many shifts — either that or that he’s a 27-year-old so addicted to light beer that he’s basically aged double since his graduation from Sarah Lawrence College in 2018. (His degree was in Creative Writing.) Whenever I enter Tori to get my takeout order, I try to catch a whisper of him speaking to the servers. Truth is, it’s basically impossible to ever hear a word he’s saying because he’s got that cigarette stuck between his lips like, 24/7.

It’s pretty damn hard to find any real rockstars in this day and age. Men on the fringes of society, outsider artists like William Burroughs or my friend Ricky who builds sculptures out of stale kaiser rolls he steals from the dump. This guy though? I can tell that he’s the real deal. He smokes all day, certainly doesn’t have a girlfriend, and sports a tattoo on his bicep of Daniel Plainview flipping the bird. He’s a cultural outcast, someone who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about who’s going viral that day or why we probably shouldn’t listen to The Growlers anymore.

What’s more badass than spending 45 bucks on ramen every day?

I kept having fantasies of him telling me how much his soup reminded him of The New York Dolls. I decided to introduce myself.

My mind raced as I approached his table. Would he teach me the proper way to julienne carrots? Would he call me a cocksucker, slap me on the back, and say “sorry hombre, that’s just how we bastards talk in the restaurant biz”? Or would he take me under his wing, show me all the most underground bars in Manhattan? You know, the kind of place where you can get a beer, a slice of pepperoni pizza, and a handgun for only 3 bucks?

The conversation was much simpler than all that. He lowered his sunglasses, eyes bloodshot from drink, and said in the world’s driest voice, “got a bump of coke?”

Every Alex G Album Ranked Worst to Best

Alex Giannascoli isn’t just the man behind the TikTok treehouse song. He’s also a prolific songwriter, avid dog lover, and the only musician (to my knowledge) who has been mistaken as Beto O’Rourke with pissed pants. For many aspiring bedroom musicians, he was the proof of concept for a path to success through DIY ethos and outlets like Bandcamp. Alex G’s plethora of influences and willingness to experiment has resulted in a particularly diverse discography. If you asked ten fans for their album ranking, you’d get ten completely different lists, at least three cases of head lice, and gaslit six ways to Sunday into thinking your opinion is wrong.

9. Winner (2011)

“Winner” is the proverbial black sheep of the discography. Banished from every streaming platform save for Bandcamp, plenty of fan lists forget to even include this in their ranking. Which is a shame, because there are lots of ideas on here that make the project worth a listen. But something’s gotta be last, and there’s a reason this one hasn’t gotten the same rerelease treatment as his other pre-label albums.

Play it again: “Explain”
Skip it: “Math” (I don’t like long division)

8. Rules (2012)

This album is full of all the pieces that make Alex’s music great: catchy lo-fi singer-songwriter tunes, a warm blanket of melancholy, and plenty of off-the-cuff, yet strangely sentimental, lyrics about pissing yourself and vomiting. Not to mention some nasty guitar instrumentals on songs like “Master” and “Message.” Unfortunately, just like plenty of Hard Times readers, this album has been doomed to live in the shadow of its overachieving younger brother.

Play it again: “Mis”
Skip it: “Know Now”

7. House of Sugar (2019)

There is no denying some of Alex’s most extreme and successful experimentation is included on this project, illustrated best by songs like “Gretel.” But the record takes a noticeable step down in quality on the wandering back half. Trying all sorts of crazy new things is a double-edged sword, which I learned the hard way after taking three different strains of mushrooms and forgetting how to open my eyes in the Natural History Museum.

Play it again: “Cow”
Skip it: “Sugar” (the instrumentation is solid but the “talking through a fan” vocals get grating)

6. God Save The Animals (2022)

With his most recent album, Alex dove deeper into his unique blend of electronic and country influence and delivered an introspective view of aging. “God Save The Animals” sees Alex exploring faith, family, and eternity, illustrated plainly by the fact that he finally outgrew his bedroom and recorded this one in the big boy studio. This also seems to be his most personal record, though any long-time listener has no doubt learned to take everything he says in his lyrics with a grain of salt.

Play it again: “Miracles” (relisten to the second verse on this knowing Alex’s long time partner is playing the violin part while pregnant with their child, a real tear-jerker)
Skip it: “S.D.O.S.”

5. Race (2010)

It’s impossible to listen to this debut and deny the natural gift Giannascoli has for writing oddball earworms. The melodies on standout songs like “Gnaw” and “Crab” far exceed the quality that could be expected of a seventeen-year-old recording in GarageBand. I know because at twenty-four the best writing I can do is for a satirical punk news site.

Play it again: “Let It Go” (this parlor piano that appears throughout the album is so campy you can’t help but smile)
Skip it: “Time/Space”

4. DSU (2014)

With the subdued and dreamlike flow of “DSU,” Alex G tapped into a new plane of artistry that began to push his trademark slacker rock sound into a realm of psychedelia. The heavy layering of vocals and unique instrumental elements creates an undulating soundscape that floats you every which way before spitting you back out on your crumb-covered mattress. A consistent album from back to front, and a staple of Alex’s discography.

Play it again: “After Ur Gone” and “Boy”
Skip it: “Axesteel”

3. Rocket (2017)

Fresh off an unexplained moniker change, (Sandy) Alex G came out swinging with this Americana folk obsessed project. Full of types of songs that make you imagine sitting on your grandpappy’s knee in a backwater town, “Rocket” is made full by lyrics of longing and the same ear for catchy tunes that has always been central to Alex’s success as a songwriter. This is a perfect album for a breezy drive on a hot summer day, save for “Brick” which is a noise-influenced single that feels like a UFO crash landed in the middle of the serene cornfield that is the rest of the tracklist.

Play it again: “Bobby” and “Powerful Man”
Skip it: If you don’t want to give your country-loving Meemaw a stroke, “Horse”

2. Trick (2012)

Hazy, fuzzy, and proof of the eternal quality of music produced by an artist true to themselves, “Trick” is in many ways the purest synthesis of the childhood nostalgia that has become synonymous with this era of Alex’s work. The low vocal mix, bedroom quality recording, and mature-beyond-years writing all blend perfectly, evoking bittersweet memories of school years and young love lost long ago. This was the album that began the legend of Alex G, told through songs about eating whale meat and getting dommed by weed.

Play it again: The last run of songs from “Mary” through “Adam” (+“Sarah” if you include the bonus tracks) has a little bit of everything that makes this album great
Skip it: “So”

1. Beach Music (2015)

Alex G’s first release after signing to Domino in 2015 would no doubt be many listeners’ first impression of the then 22-year-old musician. What followed was a young artist firing on all cylinders, letting himself be swept up by a wide-ranging wave of musical experimentation but never losing direction or that gut instinct for what would make a beautiful song. “Beach Music” is a warm and charming trip through diverse genres and the broken relationships Alex has always indulged in with his songwriting. But this time, he imbues the lyrics with a maturing sense of hope and growth stemming from pain. It’s an album that welcomes you more intently with each listen.

Play it again: Let the whole thing wash over you (especially “Kicker” and “Snot”)
Skip it: To my lou while listening to “Brite Boy”

Printing Error Resulting in Second Half of “Infinite Jest” Being Blank Goes Unnoticed for Years

CLAREMONT, Calif. — University student Lisa Dempsey discovered the latter half of her boyfriend’s copy of David Foster Wallace’s titanic novel “Infinite Jest” to be completely blank due to a printing error, according to sources who swear they’ve read the dense tome.

“I was waiting for Brian to finish a round of ‘Call of Duty’ so we could go out,” said Dempsey. “He always had this suspiciously pristine copy of ‘Infinite Jest’ on his coffee table, so I started flipping through it out of boredom and realized the words stopped about halfway through. Brian had boasted when we first met that he’d read and loved the book—this very copy, in fact. Right then, I knew he was full of shit and left without saying a word. It all makes sense now. When I initially asked him what the book was about, he gave me a summary that sounded awfully similar to the plot of ‘Air Bud.’”

The book’s publisher, Little, Brown and Company, admitted knowledge of the error.

“We realized the mistake right away,” said spokesperson Alison Dupree. “The latest edition of 75,000 books was indeed half-blank. Normally we would issue a recall, which would’ve been a massive loss on our part—but we decided to let it go and gamble that consumers would never even notice the misprint. People buy ‘Infinite Jest’ to put on display as more of a home accessory anyway. They never get near the halfway mark if they start reading it at all.”

Book industry consultant Karl Esper says that there are many more instances of publishing errors that go unnoticed.

“Mistakes happen,” said Esper. “But publishers are people, too—they get dispirited producing these highly intellectual books that they know no one’s ever going to read. To keep themselves entertained, they’ll work in little jokes here and there. For instance, the middle third of the latest edition of ‘Finnegans Wake’ was replaced entirely with scripts from the second season of ‘Young Sheldon.’ Mailer’s 1300-page ‘Harlot’s Ghost’ is another that goes mostly unread—a fun game is to see if you can find all 83 references to ‘Dunston Checks In’ that the publisher snuck in there.”

At press time, copies of Thomas Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow” were found to be hollowed out, with a publisher’s note suggesting the space could be used to conceal a flask or drug paraphernalia.

Punk Pied Piper Marches Army of Rats Right Back Into Town

HAMELIN, Germany — Local residents awoke to the horrifying sight of thousands of filthy rats being led back into the center of town by the Punk Pied Piper, according to skeeved out sources looking for a new place to live.

“When I heard that the mayor hired someone to drive out all these adorable critters, I had to act,” said the Punk Piper as he sat absolutely covered in rodent shit. “The only reason I moved here was because I heard it was infested with my favorite vermin, then the next thing I know some clown in a striped cape playing a dumbass flute is leading them down to the Weser River to drown. Fortunately that’s where I was squatting, so I was able to ambush him and march these furry little kings and queens right back in. Anyone who doesn’t like it can play my skin flute.”

Johann Berkin, the Mayor of Hamelin gave his notably less positive side of the story.

“That disgusting punk ruined everything,” said Berkin. “We already had a great arrangement with the previous Piper who rid this town of that nasty plague, then as a bonus came back and took those annoying children too. Now I’m mayor of a town with the worst rat infestation in the entire Bavarian Kingdom, and my political career is toast. The water supply has been tainted, the crops are diseased, and the foundation to half the homes have been gnawed away. And I don’t even think the rats are responsible for that last one.”

Folklore expert Dr. Maya Reeves described the forgotten influence of punk characters in classic legends and fairy tales.

“Punk culture in popular fables is more common than people realize,” explained Reeves. “Originally Snow White had eight Dwarfs, the eighth being a crooked little shit who would steal everyone’s possessions when they slept so he could buy psychedelic mushrooms in the Haunted Forest. And in an early edition of Cinderella, there was a young punk suitor vying for her affection, but instead of trying to find the right glass slipper to fit her, he just wanted to smell her feet. You can see why this version never really hit home with parents, and it was eventually scrubbed from our collective memories, as it should be.”

At press time, the Punk Piper had passed away at the ripe old age of twenty-one from numerous illnesses after his body was found being ravaged by hordes of hungry rats.

Oy Guv, We Ranked the Top 50 Britpop Songs of the 1990s, Because This Is a Phase, Innit?

You know what they say: if you remember Britpop, you weren’t there. Specifically, you probably weren’t in the United Kingdom in the 1990s, when a sudden surge of youthful national pride, guitar-based rejection of American grunge, and various Gallaghers seized the airwaves.

For a musical movement that lasted only as long as the cocaine was good and people in America could fake a bad Mancunian accent, Britpop still produced an amazing number of classic songs. We’re ranking the top 50, and no one can prove we don’t have a Union Jack draped across our shoulders right now.  (Listen to the playlist while you read the article.)

50. Saint Etienne “You’re in a Bad Way”

Saint Etienne predates, encompasses, transcends, and has outlasted Britpop, so we’re starting with them. This song is so British it makes you want to colonize something, but in a good, non-genocidal way.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2hBc9RKPN7UjlFxffkIFmq?si=57816095d795487d

49. Babybird “You’re Gorgeous”

You’re going to want to write this down: Britpop is sleazy as fuck. Although there are a bunch of songs about love and drugs and loving drugs, there’s also a whole bunch of immaculately produced pop songs about being a sleazy photographer who tries to fuck models. This is one of them.

48. The Beautiful South “Old Red Eyes Is Back”

The Beautiful South was a spinoff of the Housemartins and shared that band’s fondness for kitchen-sink stories about incredibly English losers. This one’s about a drunk.

https://open.spotify.com/track/3OihaYrnoyEhhTzauuIbQr?si=d03db3a770844a4a

47. Travis “Why Does It Always Rain On Me?”

Right now, some nerd is enraged because the gorgeously tragic “Why Does It Always Rain On Me” is clearly a post-Britpop song, not an actual Britpop song, even though Travis’ early work was Britpop, but there’s a difference. Shut the fuck up, nerd.

46. Longpigs “She Said”

Longpigs never really blew up like many of its Britpop peers, but they did manage one raggedly anthemic bile-spit of a song about self-loathing, like all great bands. Enjoy.

45. The Boo Radleys “Wake Up Boo!”

Songwriter Martin Carr says he spent a year writing the horn-driven melody and tight harmonies of “Wake Up Boo!” so it must suck that it’s only at #45. Still, it’s on the list, so, good job, Martin. It’s way better than any song we’ve ever written.

44. The Divine Comedy “Everybody Knows (But You)”

The Divine Comedy’s Neil Hannon has basically been cosplaying as Scott Walker since the early 1990s, but, fortunately, he can mostly pull it off. Scott would be proud of a lyric like “So now you’re my only friend/ I told the passers-by/ I made a small boy cry.”

https://open.spotify.com/track/7DfMPDm8qrKdEswaHZ1CWG?si=2852bc36220e443d

43. Bis “Kandy Pop”

And on the punkier side of Britpop, we have Bis with “Kandy Pop,” a song that makes you feel like you’re having a panic attack at a party full of loud weirdos, but, you know, in a fun way.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4A1pb9GnPwjQj3Y4I0Ztwp?si=dbbbd8d3a455427e

42. Suede “Animal Nitrate”

Let’s get one thing straight: Suede is going to show on this list more than once, and we’re not going to do any of this bullshit “London Suede” thing because some shithead lounge singer got a judge to agree with him. Anyway, this is a banger.

41. Kenickie “Punka”

Courtney Love called Kenickie “a big, raw-boned bunch of fucking sex,” and we have to admit it, she got it right this time. Call and response backing vocals, dense, fuzzy guitars, and Lauren Laverne’s thick-ass Sunderland accent? Yes, please.

https://open.spotify.com/track/50bTg9wkiLujadce2a9yQp?si=6ff269b9e4044432

40. The Bluetones “Slight Return”

What do you get when you mix Peter Buck’s famously jangling guitars with Belle and Sebastian’s winsome, yearning sensibilities? The Bluetones’ “Slight Return,” a seriously underrated piece of Britpop history.

39. Echobelly “Great Things”

In “Great Things,” Sonya Madan sings, “I want to do great things / I don’t want to compromise / I want to know what love is / I want to know everything.” If that doesn’t touch some part of your long-gone teenage soul, we don’t know what to tell you.

38. Gene “Olympian”

Gene has a bit of a reputation for being The Smiths wannabes, and it’s hard to make an argument against that. But you can listen to the melancholy, delicate “Olympian” without Morrissey guilt, so have at it.

37. James “Say Something”

The band James reportedly tried to hold back emotions on the Brian Eno-produced “Say Something,” which is pretty incredible considering we’re holding back tears right now. Remember this song next time you have a bad fight with your partner and need to feel even worse.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7MMbYOpnyQU4CzPqK7Tu2x?si=b72dbb32a24548ab

36. The Stone Roses “Tightrope”

After producing the best debut album ever made, the Stone Roses took years for a follow-up that made everyone mad, sad, and disappointed. Give “The Second Coming” another try sometime because the chant-along, Neil Young-like “Tightrope” practically redeems the whole thing.

35. The Auteurs “Starstruck”

Luke Haines of the Auteurs doesn’t like being lumped in with Britpop and talks a lot of shit about all the other bands, which is pretty much the most Britpop thing you can do, other than this guitar-driven, eerily pretty piece of musical spite.

34. Sleeper “Inbetweener”

Every single part of “Inbetweener” could be the hook of a lesser song, from the snotty verse by singer Louise Wener to the suddenly yearning, epic chorus to the putdowns of the outro. Wait, do we like it when hot singers insult us?

https://open.spotify.com/track/4GoqaAdOZqS1lyYODRwxlO?si=afa350c597944085

33. Suede “Trash”

Suede didn’t break out in the US like some of their peers, but Brett Anderson and the rest of the band had a lock on huge, self-pitying anthems years before anyone else in the scene. He’s called it a celebration of the band and their fans, and that’s just kind of nice in addition to being a fucking singalong.

32. Supergrass “Alright”

The music video for the absurdly cheery, piano-driven “Alright” made Supergrass look like such goofballs that Steven Spielberg offered to make them a Monkees-style TV show. They turned him down, but you get why he would.

https://open.spotify.com/track/5xC8uOesnn0udeXAYlAnoY?si=d3df6a92814b4e02

31. Pulp “Mis-Shapes”

“Mis-Shapes” is basically Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker’s call to arms for all the weirdos out there, a rallying cry for all the misfits and oddballs. Naturally, it was adopted by the very lunkheads he was railing against, but that’s because it’s just too good of a song.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7IgHTB9VMPwziPobbBbgfq?si=62001008f54049f1

30. Elastica “Vaseline”

Pounding drums. Clanking, robotic guitars and an industrial hiss. Singer Justine Frischmann’s too-cool vocals talking about…glue? Then a ridiculously catchy “LA LA LA” kicks in, and you’ve got a perfect song in just one minute and twenty seconds.