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Gibson Launches Line of Flying V Jet Skis to Compete With Yamaha

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Gibson Brands Inc. announced plans to debut their new signature line of Flying V Jet Skis at the 2024 National Association of Music Merchants (NAMM) in order to compete with Yamaha, bewildered shareholders confirmed.

“We’re so excited to kick off our new line of artist-endorsed Flying V Jet Skis and Waverunners for fans of the legendary Gibson brand to add to their collection,” said Gibson President and CEO Cesar Gueikian as he tried stuffing a comically large bag of money into the back of his Porsche. “Just imagine blasting ‘Love Gun’ on the stereo while tearing up the lake by your timeshare with your brand new Ace Frehley signature gold top X-9746 model Flying V with a red tortoiseshell trim and cream binding along the footwells. For just $27,680, your rock and roll dreams can become a reality. This upcoming launch will be nothing short of iconic.”

Yamaha Motors CEO Yoshihiro Hidaka remains confident that Gibson will not be able to undermine Yamaha’s market share in the personal watercraft sector any time soon.

“Yamaha dominates every industry because we make reliable products at competitive price points. Maybe the folks at Gibson should figure out how to make a Les Paul that doesn’t snap off at the headstock before adding more midlife crisis fodder into the mix,” said Hidaka. “Didn’t they just come out of bankruptcy too? I don’t know what’s in their water coolers at HQ, but it sounds like it’s mostly Kool-Aid at this point.”

R&D specialist Buck Stamford commends Gibson for their brave and bold new venture but urges them to err with caution.

“Let’s be real here, nobody gives a shit about Slash anymore, so Gibson is right to try pushing their business into new and exciting verticals,” said Stamford as he paced through the Gibson showroom, shuddering at the five-figure price tag attached to the yet to be unveiled Wes Scantlin signature model “mudd-runner.” “But if they truly want to say ‘only a Gibson is good enough,’ it’s of paramount importance that they actually put out a solid product instead of just slapping their name on yet another poorly made pile of shit that only doctors and lawyers can afford.”

At press time, Gueikian was spotted drafting a cease-and-desist letter to a much smaller Jet Ski company.