DES MOINES, Iowa — GOP presidential hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy faces another cease and desist order, this time from singer Morrissey accusing him of plagiarising the former Smiths frontman’s anti-immigrant tirades, confirmed sources close to the campaign.
“Look, I know this surprises a lot of people that a skinny guy with a funny last name would love a band as hardcore as the Smiths, but it’s true. I love ‘rocking out’ to Moz and company,” said Ramaswamy while throwing up devil horns. “But these baseless accusations that I’m stealing talking points from Morrissey are ridiculous. We just happen to agree on the same thing; immigrants are the source of this great country’s problems and voters have every right to be mad at people who look like me.”
However, Morrissey fired back with a statement of his own, shedding light on his grievances.
“I didn’t spend the last decade alienating most of my fanbase just to have some little brown man rip me off,” said Morrissey moments after canceling a show scheduled to start in less than 10 minutes. “He hasn’t put in the work to develop his anti-immigrant material. I’ve been in the trenches; I spent in an echo chamber to reinforce my views that England was better when only English people lived there. And don’t get me started on the countless dinners at Nigel Farage’s villa. But I suppose none of our jobs are safe from those people waltzing in and stealing them.”
When approached for a comment, Ramaswamy’s long-time friend and business partner Cooper Sawyer, 38, came to the candidate’s defense.
“Look, he’s not a racist. If he was, would a white guy like me be one of his closest and oldest friends?” said Sawyer who referred to Ramaswamy by various names including “Mike” and “Nick” during the interview. “The success of his campaign is proof that Malcolm Luther King’s dream of ending racism has come true. Now if Mike would just come back with the cigarettes and scratch-offs that I asked him for ages ago.”
The recent controversy has only served to buoy the candidate’s profile. In a poll of GOP voters, Ramaswamy had skyrocketed to second in a crowded field of contenders putting him only 70 points behind former president and fellow candidate Donald Trump.