Music is supposed to be a great equalizer, but when your playlists come on friends scream at you and family members disown you. It’s devastating to feel so unwanted and you might be wondering where the rift began. Before you try to improve your taste in a futile attempt to worm yourself back into the hearts of loved ones, you should really let the professionals take over. Since said professionals refuse to return our phone calls, we’ve decided to take a stab at compiling a list of songs you can play to get your siblings and acquaintances to speak to you again.
Sleater-Kinney “Say It Like You Mean It”
Sleater-Kinney is currently preparing to release their eleventh album – and second since longtime drummer Janet Weiss left the band – ‘Little Rope.’ With production from the oft-coveted John Congleton, the album promises to continue the expansion of the group’s sound. Their latest single ‘Say It Like You Mean It’ cements their recent sonic explorations, tying lofty new-wave synth pads together with Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker’s angular guitar work and melodic sentiment. It’s a layered epic that calls to mind what your indie band might sound like if your guitarist tried to give a shit for once in their life.
Liquid Mike “Mouse Trap”
The dream of the ’90s is clearly thriving in Marquette, Michigan thanks to the prolific power-pop outfit Liquid Mike, whose most recent self-titled album recently took social media by storm this spring. Not intent on losing their ever-growing hype, the band announced yet another album, ‘Paul Bunyan’s Slingshot’ and released its lead single ‘Mouse Trap.’ It’s a bubbly and fuzzed out track that raises serious concerns about the supposed ‘American Dream.’ Imagine if Weezer never stopped being bad and managed to develop some lyrical bite for once and you’ll be in the ballpark of Liquid Mike.
Mother Mother “The Matrix”
Canada’s Mother Mother wants you to break out of your shell. On their latest single “The Matrix” – which precedes their upcoming ninth studio album, “Grief Chapter” – the band delivers a simple yet uplifting message: you and everyone you know is going to die. After you’re done sobbing about this, you can focus on the lyrics that encourage you to live your life once you’ve found the courage to break out of ‘The Matrix.’ With any luck, you won’t be covered in weird goopy shit like Keanu Reeves when you decide to finally leave your house.
cool sorcery “paranoid”
Have you ever wondered what Black Sabbath’s ‘Paranoid’ would sound like if it were played at nearly twice the tempo and had several organ solos? Wonder no more, because Brazilian producer Marcos Assis has delivered a nightmare cover of the track via his solo project cool sorcery. The rendition is as fun as it is confounding melding equal parts drone, punk, and psych into one of our favorite covers of the year.
Fuming Mouth “Respect & Blasphemy”
Fuming Mouth has been making absolutely bone-shattering metal for a decade now. Their latest and sophomore album ‘Last Day of Sun’ finds their lead singer and guitarist, Mark Whelan, processing his recent battle with leukemia, which is thankfully in remission. Themes of death and triumph play out as the band delivers its most powerful arrangements to date, as if all involved had been given a second chance at life. The relentless ‘Respect & Blasphemy’ rides a fine line between death metal and hardcore, resulting in some deliriously heavy riffs and breakdowns that would make even the hardest of contemporaries blush and run back to the drawing board.
Silent Planet “Offworlder”
Last week, California metalcore outfit Silent Planet released somewhat of a magnum opus with ‘Superbloom.’ It’s an intense ride that condenses several of the band’s best attributes while adding a futuristic sheen. Album highlight “Offworlder” showcases the past and future of Silent Planet and packs such a punch that one of our writers broke several thousand dollars worth of computer equipment in our office upon first listen.
Laura Jane Grace “Hole In My Head”
After two notably stripped back EP’s, ‘At War With The Silverfish’ and ‘Stay Alive,’ Laura Jane Grace announced her newest LP ‘Hole In My Head.’ She also shared the title track, which is a total fucking ripper and the loudest thing she’s done in years. Featuring Grace on both guitar and drums with bass provided by Matt Patton of Drive By Truckers, ‘Hole In My Head’ is a dazzling return to form for the singer-songwriter. Featuring her signature abrasive guitar work and patented scream along vocals, this track is sure to have you running to get you ill-fitting Against Me! shirt out of storage.
Jumprope “Oh Wow”
Now that the year is coming to an end, we’ve been combing through every single album and EP that has come out in 2023. We’ve only made it to February releases so far, which means we have been blessed with the sweet sounds of Texas garage-rock heroes ‘Jumprope.’ To celebrate the rediscovery, our Managing Editor has instituted a mandatory weekly fitness program called ‘Jumropin’ to Jumprope.’ There have been seven heart attacks in the writers’ room since.
Did you know that these songs are included on an official Hard Times playlist? Did you also know that there are like… a fuckton of other songs on it too? Click here to like, follow, and trick your friends into thinking you have a finger on the pulse of modern alternative music.
New Jersey’s Armor For Sleep formed at the beginning of this century, signed with Equal Vision Records shortly after, and released their debut “Dream to Make Believe” in 2003. While their first record is still a favorite amongst AFS fans, your opinion is objectively/subjectively wrong if you think it’s better in any way than its follow-up “What to Do When You Are Dead.” Produced by a man literally named after a machine named Machine, AFS’ sophomore full-length is a perfect example of how post-hardcore Snooki is. Machine killed it here and on the also underrated non-EVR release, Louisville, Kentucky’s alt-rocker act Emanuel’s “Soundtrack to a Headrush”.
Despite what one may think, chaos is catchy, and Michigan’s Bear vs. Shark easily have one of the top ten band names of all time. They released a record known as “Terrorhawk” that deserves your attention, money, reverence, and inclusion in The Bronx Zoo. Sadly, it’s a tossup as to whether this one or OWEL’s is the most underrated LP here, but happily, we predict at least one more stream to both acts because of our inclusions in this piece; you’re welcome, EVR, and we will take our commission from .0004 cents via Venmo, PayPal, Zelle, or an Arby’s gift card. Anyway, the band split right after “Terrorhawk” came out and we blame you. Happily, they reunited eleven years later and you had nothing to do with such.
West Chester, Pennsylvania’s The Color Fred was launched by, you guessed it, Fred “King of All Features” Mascherino in 2003. He took a backseat to his then-new gig in Taking Back Sunday shortly thereafter and released their first full-length studio album “Bend to Break” shortly after Mr. Mascherino quit TBS. Produced by fellow Italian Lou “Is, Ie, Er, and/or T” Giordano, who also worked on Fred’s first of two TBS albums known as “Where You Want To Be” and Spice Girls’ underground masterpiece “Spiceworld,” “Bend to Break” is a must listen for tragically empty 2007 complainers in a 2023 Minnesota “aww shucks” accent world. If you disagree, get out! If not, we love to see you stay, and you should check out its sequel “A Year and Change”.
After vocalist Craig Owens was kicked out of the group, his presence was missed by fans of microphone wires, broken dreams, cute neck tattoos, and Detroit-style pizza crispy side crusters; basically, many Chiodos legionnaires feared the worst. Happily, to assuage said reservations, Brandon Bolmer, of Yesterdays Rising, replaced Owens, and helped make Chiodos’ third full-length “Illuminaudio” not only their most underrated LP in their catalog, but, hot take alert, their second best full-length album altogether. Sadly, Bolmer only lasted a few years in the frontman position, and they only created one album together, so he barely had a chance to showcase his strength to the masses. Fun opinion that doubles as a fact for Zeus: “Caves” should’ve brought the band to scene supremacy.
The Receiving End of Sirens are a band that deserves a never-ending uproarious clap, and its lead vocalist Casey Crescenzo justifies some heavy-handed finger snaps as well for his side project that ultimately became his primary one front and center called The Dear Hunter. You may or may not know too much about this band other than the fact that they have 2013 albums and counting, but the band’s fifth LP and first non-concept album “Migrant” deserves credence from the world all over for its romantic kiss of life accessibility that merges weird, symphony, melody, and catchiness better than most acts around this time. Don’t believe us? Whatever. Don’t look back, take a fifty-minute gap out of your day to let go of your sweet naivete, escape, disconnect, and spin this one from front to back. There are a number of anomalies in the present system.
We’re never, ever going to be over it, but sadly, Florida’s Never Loved is no more, but you can still check out their short catalog of one LP, one EP, and several singles while you unload the dishwasher that is on its last leg(s). If you have the choice between said options, we encourage you to listen to the band’s first and only full-length studio album “Over It.” If you want to have empirical cred data for this record, check out what we say after this semicolon; Matt Squire, producer for Panic! at the Disco, and Nick Wheeler, guitarist for The All-American Rejects, both had their hands all over this effort. While Never Loved is lost and gone astray, frontman Cameron Knopp also tours with the aforementioned Armor For Sleep and launched a new project for Equal Vision Records called White Ferrari.
Jawbreaker’s “Dear You” and OWEL’s “Dear Me” have so much more in common than the specific word “Dear,” and the particular subject of “you” or “me,” as both studio albums didn’t receive much fanfare once released, and now Jawbreaker’s effort, nearly thirty years after the fact, gets more love than ever before, so we are putting it out into the universe that we hope that we can say the same for New Jersey’s OWEL in 2045. The band’s intense in the best way live show takes each viewer and listener to places formerly uncharted in a small to medium room live setting, and more than half of the songs on “Dear Me” are five-plus minutes long, with little to no filler in each composition. Plus, its creepy, haunting, gorgeous, and black and white album cover looks like an upcoming PG-13 YA movie with mad merchandise tie-ins at Hot Topic.
Dude! Sweet! Fans of hard drugs, visible tattoos on hands and from the chest up, sweet sweet technically technically proficient instrumentals, and/or Steve “I Lost To Ralph Macchio” Vai would love the eff out of Plano, Texas’ Polyphia, who explode higher towards the solar system with each new song and release. “New Levels New Devils” is the last of three LPs for EVR, and the band definitely went out in style with this perfect effort prior to exiting the label for Rise Records. Basically, they’re nasty, bad, the BOATS, and the GOATS. If you want to hear what Mix Master Mike would sound like if he switched his two turntables and a microphone for several multi-stringed guitars, pinched harmonics, a funky in a non-corny way bass, and a drummer that lost his damn mind, check out this record and their three other LPs. YAS, rich kids are so strange.
Speaking of vurey herd drergs, we’d like to introduce you to a lil rock and roll for your heart and soul group called The Sound of Animals Fighting, just another heretic disputing the existence of a horse, the sky, Antarctica, and a bad little baby girl named Tula. Personnel here on “Lover, the Lord has Left Us…” for this slightly revolving door supergroup with masked individuals but not maggots include members of Rx Bandits, Good Old War, The Autumns, and Iron Butterfly, and TSOAF seemingly effortlessly creates music that unapologetically showcases an ample amount of curiously concerned effort. This particular record with a surprisingly high (to some) legacy is the act’s sophomore release, and they’ve only put out one more full-length on Epitaph Records and EP via Born Losers Records since, proving that small things can come in big packages.
Let’s end this underrated EVR album piece with a sad shout-out to Kyle Pavone, the late clean vocalist for Troy, Michigan’s We Came As Romans, who passed away at twenty-eight in 2018, leaving a strong sonic ghost legacy behind over the course of five brutally catchy LPs. WCAR’s third record “Tracing Back Roots” is his and the band’s finest hour on Equal Vision Records, and it’s truly difficult to find a metalcore track that encapsulates the 2010s more than “Hope”. Also, another note worth mentioning is that this effort is highly positive, making a 2023 listen more bitter than sweet. In closing, through the darkest dark and brightest bright, Pavone’s voice will never fade away. If you want a smile to counter this cry, check out WCAR’s T-$wift cover of “I Knew You Were Trouble,” which came out just one year after this LP.
It’s the Trump cameo. It’s a time bomb. It’s gonna do to your family what that homeless lady’s birds did to the Wet Bandits. Avoid.
Hughes was allegedly shocked his name was even on the credits for this one, claiming this mess of a comedy/slasher mashup bore no resemblance at all to his initial script. It’s not even available on any streaming service except Dailymotion, and if your family movie night involves Dailymotion you guys are already broken beyond repair.
No matter how dumb your family is they deserve better than 2001 CGI effects. We all deserve better.
Apparently this was an attempt to give Tommy Lee Jones his own Indiana Jones-type franchise. Not much of a surprise Hughes wound up wanting his name off of it. If someone in your family wants you all to gather around and watch a swashbuckling Tommy Lee Jones you really need to put that person under a microscope before they hurt someone.
This movie is so bad it’s frightening and confusing. The cultural divide already has your family on a razor’s edge, don’t put them through “Flubber” dude.
This one is objectively bad, but there’s always some asshole in every family that will support Chevy Chase, by all accounts a horrible person, no matter what. It’s usually a guy, he’s usually older, he’s usually dad and you’re tired of his bullshit!
It’s a live-action remake of a Disney animated classic, and while it’s nowhere near as awful as the slew of others that followed it, it opens the door to putting one of those on for a double feature that will end in at least a shoving match.
No no no WHO THE FUCK GAVE MOM THE REMOTE?!
1991 saw John Hughes write three movies dealing with class relations. It’s a subject he touched on pretty effectively in his earlier films, like “The Breakfast Club,” but his takes didn’t exactly become more nuanced once he started making “Home Alone” money. In this one, he’s saying “Just because one person is poor and another is rich doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love if they are locked in a department store and forced to fight bad guys.” It’s unlikely to make your family feel closer.
“And when are YOU having a baby, hmmmmmm?” Yeah, hard fucking pass. You don’t need to have that conversation with your parents about how it’s irresponsible to bring a child into this world because they will just end up being a soldier in the upcoming war for water.
If you’re a ’90s kid, watching a child beat the shit out of Ed O’Neill for a whole movie might sound kind of cathartic, but he’s playing hard against the “Married With Children” type here and the kid is a huge dick.
Hughes just threw a few suits some stuff from his first, radically different draft of “Home Alone” and said, “Here, make more money I guess.” If your family even thinks about throwing this one on you guys are clearly just going through the motions, and some tensions need to surface.
It’s one of the movies that instantly comes to mind when you hear the name John Hughes, but just like a whitewashed elementary school Thanksgiving pageant, it hasn’t aged well. Racial stereotypes, harassment, sexual assault, it’s a cornucopia of things for your family to argue about.
Dennis vs. Mr. Wilson isn’t exactly going to help quell the generational divide already threatening to estrange your entire family unit.
All of those straight-to-VHS sequels were absolute drivel, but the original is hands down… uhm… well not much better honestly. Charles Grodin’s curmudgeonly schtick is always amusing, but it will be undercut by your dad’s grunting approval noises at all of his complaints. Still, Beethoven remains one of our finest dog actors.
The story of a man who processes a childhood trauma through a spree of vandalism. If it were done right it might quell your family’s latent appetite for destruction another year, but it’s severely hampered by a low budget and will probably just plant seeds.