BALTIMORE — The lead guitarist of a local thrash punk band Sierra Piss incited a scandal at a baseball game after being caught on the stadium’s jumbotron with his side project, sources close to the band have reported.
“Oh, so am I not allowed to attend a sporting event with someone who dabbles in lo-fi indie beats without disclosing it to my bandmates? Alright fine, it’s exactly what it looks like. But why the hell did I have to have my cover blown on the Best Friends Cam of all things? I just met this guy on Fiverr last week,” said Chris Fuller. “And of course the game was on fucking ESPN to boot so everyone saw me with them. I have 30 missed calls in a row so it’s a safe bet I’m out of the band.”
Fuller’s bandmates were incensed and hurt that they had to find out about his side project on national television.
“That two-timing rat said he was taking his aunt to the doctor tonight! I knew he was up to something when I caught him looking at Grooveboxes on his phone. You could only imagine my shock when I saw him on national fucking television with that keyboard player he claimed was ‘just a work acquaintance’ and that he’s ‘nothing to worry about.’ I want to puke,” said lead singer Kurt Williams. “I wish he would’ve just left the band if he was tired of headbanging, and I didn’t have to find out like this. Well I hope he enjoyed himself because we’re throwing all his equipment into the yard later.”
Despite being the catalyst for what was quickly becoming a major scandal in the punk community, stadium cameraman Bill Suggins had no regrets.
“I have a pretty boring job, so sometimes I need to get the crowd going with some light trolling. And let me tell you, I have seen plenty of odd couples in the crowd who look like they’re not supposed to be at a sporting event, especially punks,” said Suggins. “I’m probably the root cause of at least four or five band breakups a month to be honest. Maybe this guy will learn his lesson to keep dreamy indie pop in the bedroom.”
As of press time, Fuller found himself in even hotter water after appearing on the jumbotron’s Kiss Cam with the drummer’s girlfriend.