BRATTLEBORO, Vt. – Local authorities are still trying to identify a body that washed up on the banks of the Connecticut River last week but…
ORLEANS, Mass. — Local tattoo enthusiast Danny Lipinski’s latest tattoo depicting the cast of “Friends” engaged in a pansexual orgy is being described as “an…
MILWAUKEE — Local music listener and person with periods Megan Blake prefers to use her Spotify listening history to track her menstrual cycle rather than…
BALTIMORE — Friends of local mom-to-be Vivian Wilburg have been taking advantage of her mandatory sobriety and using her as a designated driver since her…
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis admitted to being concerned that punishing the French clergy responsible for decades of sexual abuse of minors may only make…
Ow! Seriously, that really fucking hurts! It feels like you’re slowly slitting my bicep with a hot, wet scalpel. I guess now I know how…
DETROIT — Local short person Elizabeth Kramer spent $90 on floor tickets for an upcoming concert after forgetting that she’s only 5’2”, sources who have…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
There I was, just waiting for a friend outside Dom’s Pub when a bunch of random people started shoving their IDs into my face. I…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…
MIAMI — First time nude beach goer Simon Lowell made fellow nudists uncomfortable with his obvious anxiety surrounding what to do with his hands and…
MONTREAL — An alarming new study revealed that body dysmorphia diagnoses skyrocketed just hours after clothing manufacturer Gildan released a highly maligned intimate apparel collection.…
NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered the More Paul, sources who…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death metal veterans Cannibal Corpse have launched a signature line of embalming fluids called “Cadaverous Conservation” in a move to supplement their…
KEENE, N.H. — Local crystal healer and tarot card reader Elizabeth Stuart plans to donate her body to pseudoscience upon her passing, friends and spiritual…