Freelancer
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VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis admitted to being concerned that punishing the French clergy responsible for decades of sexual abuse…
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Jay Wells L'Ecuyer
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Ow! Seriously, that really fucking hurts! It feels like you're slowly slitting my bicep with a hot, wet scalpel. I…
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Taylor Roebuck
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DETROIT — Local short person Elizabeth Kramer spent $90 on floor tickets for an upcoming concert after forgetting that she’s…
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Bobby Korec
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly…
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Ken Taro
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There I was, just waiting for a friend outside Dom’s Pub when a bunch of random people started shoving their…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full…
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Ian Yamamoto
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MIAMI — First time nude beach goer Simon Lowell made fellow nudists uncomfortable with his obvious anxiety surrounding what to…
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MONTREAL — An alarming new study revealed that body dysmorphia diagnoses skyrocketed just hours after clothing manufacturer Gildan released a…
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John Danek
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NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered…
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Henrik Persson
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TAMPA, Fla. — Death metal veterans Cannibal Corpse have launched a signature line of embalming fluids called “Cadaverous Conservation” in…
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