So I was tuning my guitar between “Fireworks on the Radio” and “Ayy, I’m Moshin’ Ova Here!” when I heard my singer crack a joke.…
Justin Timberlake. Beyonce. Me. Throughout music history, there have often been stars within a group that clearly outshine the others. Stars who everyone on Earth,…
You youngins today have all kinds of interests and you don’t care who knows it. Not like back in the old days of the ’90s.…
WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in the Lion’s Club seconds before…
Aw hells yeah! That thing I love about metalcore is happening again! It started off with a couple light strums to get me all primed…
Dude, what the fuck? Doors opened like an hour ago and no one’s here! Now I’m texting all my friends like, “You need to get…
Ow! Seriously, that really fucking hurts! It feels like you’re slowly slitting my bicep with a hot, wet scalpel. I guess now I know how…
NEWARK, N.J. — Former Carport frontman Mikey Cooper, 42, is reportedly using his decades of experience exploring overdramatic themes to excel in his new role…
What the fuck? How did I not get one double-take when I walked in here? What the hell happened to this scene? Okay, sure, maybe…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
Just because I’m a workin’ man doesn’t mean I don’t want to be fashionable. And these long days as a salt-of-the-earth camera assistant on fashion…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Avid sneakerhead Jeremy ‘Choice Kicks’ Santini reportedly died inside when first time homeowner Michael Beatty instructed all party guests to remove their…
Trash Moth is back, and my inner 17-year-old is ecstatic that the band I worshiped in high school is finally reuniting after all these years.…
All my life I’ve dreamed of making it. This is my sole passion and singular focus. Sure, fame and money would be nice, but that’s…
What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about me than me. Look, you…