Insane Clown Posse: the jester-kings of the proudly unwashed. While we have long been fans of the acclaimed horrorcore duo, we have never been able to take the time to really speak with Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope outside of the occasional passing pleasantry on the days when we both have to be in court for some bullshit.
Imagine our delight when, upon finally pulling the trigger on our lifelong dream of attending clown college, we came to find out that two of the insaniest clowns we’d love to know would be prominently present on our admissions board. “What a treat!” we thought. Not only would we get a chance to finally bail out of this internet punk news racket and get into where the real money is, performing at children’s birthday parties, but we’d also be able to get to know our soon-to-be-mentors in the scope of professional clowning.
But holy butt-sucking-crap! Those guys are real intense sticklers about the finer points of being an educated clown.
We figured they might give us some leeway considering we come from an adjacent scene to theirs. But as soon as Violent J chucked a handful of uninflated balloon animals at us and screamed that we had “three minutes to build a working ferris wheel or [he was] gonna inflate all of them inside of [our] ass” we knew we were in over our heads.
Seriously, we only had hopes of improving ourselves moderately and discovering a new trade that we feel compliments our inherent need for attention as well as our deeply ingrained penchant for the dramatic arts. If we had known that clown college would be such a cutthroat slog then we would have just stayed in business school. We’d still be miserable but at least that way our fathers would be proud of us.
Things came to a head when we were asked what we hoped to achieve with our clowning degree. Apparently “bring joy and wonderment to the children of the world” is the least acceptable answer they’ve ever heard because that’s when Shaggy 2 Dope pulled out a length of rusty bike chain and threatened to “beat the Redpop Faygo” out of us unless we got the hell out of their lecture hall.
So it would appear that clown college just isn’t in the cards for us. Such a shame, but maybe we could ask the guys from Slipknot if they have any leads on a seasonal haunted house that could use any extras.
Nightsongs is Stars’ first album, and while there is a lot to like here, it never quite hits “classic Stars” levels. Much more electronic than most of their later efforts, the album was almost entirely recorded before Amy Milan joined the band. While she shows up for the last track on the album, her presence is missed. There are other vocalists who guest on the album who are great, but as they aren’t as recognizable as Amy, sometimes one could forget you’re listening to Stars. That doesn’t mean this album isn’t good. It’s still catchy and sad like all their albums. It’s just a bit of a “lo-fi beats to study to” feeling.
This placement will probably be a little controversial, especially considering if you ask us next week, “The North” might be in the top 3. There are tracks on here that, as the kids say, “slap your taint.” That’s the phrase, right? “Slap your taint”? “Hold On When You Get Love” is maybe one of the best Stars “bangers” in the second half of their life as a band. The guitar line is the best lick from The Cure that The Cure never put out. The real issue with “The North” is that as an “album,” it drags. The second half has great songs, but nothing ever hits with the same punch as the first 6 songs (minus the title track, which doesn’t do much for us). And that’s not saying the last 6 aren’t good. They’re fantastic, but they still dip compared to the energy and melody of something like “Backlines”.
Speaking of controversial placements, “Heart” at number 7 feels harsh. But before you start sending death threats, hear us out: Stars has no bad albums. And the reality of such a beloved album being this low is that it’s really only because the band simply cannot put out a bad album. While “Night Songs” showed promise, “Heart” fulfilled that promise. All the melody and instrumentation you want from this band. And then the feels. My goodness. It’s enough to read our old LiveJournal entries. This album contains “Elevator Love Letter” which introduces the characters who would show up later in the band’s biggest single “Your Ex-Lover is Dead” as well as several other songs throughout their albums. Again, ask us next month and this album could be number 1. But take solace in knowing that at some point you might feel about their later albums the way you do about Heart.
Stars rarely miss with an album opener. But this opener is really something else. They lean into not just electronic, but actual dance music for “From the Night” and it sets the tone of the album. That’s not to say No One Is Lost is all sweaty hook-up anthems. There’s plenty of sadness, quiet jams, and all the other Stars stuff. But the album does finish with another great dance song in the final and title track, ending on a real high note. One of the things we think about when we think of this album is the single “Trap Door” whose video includes an actual argument within the band. It’s awkward and real, and a reminder of what a struggle have a band as your main source of income. You travel with these people, you play the same songs over and over, and NOBODY CLEANS THEIR SHIT. sorry.
There’s something really comforting about a band that can reliably put out good music. And Stars’ most recent album is exactly that: comforting. However, there is a somber feeling to “Capleton Hill.” That’s not to say it never makes you want to shake your ass. Plenty of asses get shooken. But the whole album has a “fuck, we’re just all getting older and this shit is hard” vibe. And like a good whiskey, cheese, or whiskey-cheese, age suits this band well. They’re not hiding it. But they also not writing corny, feel-good songs about their kids. It’s still heartache, heartbreak and as previously mentioned, shaking asses. But done in a way that doesn’t feel like a band grasping for a sound that no longer suits them, nor a band that has given up and settled with being a weaker version of themselves. Instead, this album is that hot older couple that you see on the street that just looks like they are having a waaaaaay better time than anyone else. And you KNOW they still fuckin’.
This album has no business being this good. This album is so good it’s making us rethink the order. This album is so good it’s kind making us angry. How does Stars keep doing it? Everything just fits. And I gotta say, there are not many album closers that nail it quite as well as “Wanderers.” How does one band keep making this many good albums? Not just songs, FULL GODDAMN ALBUMS! It’s… it’s not fair. It’s honestly not fair. There are like 40 artists we can think of off the top of our heads that put out a great album and then have consistently put out total horseshit since. But 8 albums in and Stars still can’t miss. And it still feels like they are singing, specifically for you. I know we’re all punks here, but sometimes we just want love, and this album is love.
This is the album that made lots of folks fans of Stars. And it makes sense, cuz it’s got it all. The romantic back and forth, the dance tracks, the sad lyrics about breakups, and just incredible instrumentation and production. It’s borderline impossible to listen to this album and not feel… something. “Your Ex-lover is Dead” is so ubiquitous, one almost forgets how perfect the lyrics are. It’s also an ultimate first track. While “Heart” technically established the back-and-forth style between Amy and Torquil, SYOF perfected it. Other bands had done it, but this album made it feel like a wholly unique idea. And then of course there’s the songs. “Ageless Beauty” was a single, but honestly doesn’t get the props it deserves. It’s a perfect song, and we’re willing to punch someone in the face over it. So back off.
We hate to keep saying it, but on any given day, this album is number 1. It’s so good. “Take Me to the Riot” is THE Stars banger. People can complain about the production being too much, but like… too much is the whole thing with this band. The romantic back and forth between Amy and Torque is waaaay too much, and we love it. In so many ways this album IS Stars. Just about every emotion, in an album. “Personal” is just flat-out one of the roughest songs out there. And the title track encapsulates the epic nature of what the band’s over-the-top romantic worldview aspires to be. It’s almost enough to make us want to care about… stuff. Almost.
We’re not sure we’ve met anyone whose favorite Stars song is from this album. And that’s not to say this album doesn’t have killer tracks. It’s literally all killer tracks. But with other Stars albums, we often wanna jump around and get straight to our favorite bops. But with “The Five Ghosts,” you hit play and let it go. Because as a complete package, this album is… well the complete package. Take the Stars formula, and then add a dash of real, actual sadness and that’s “The Five Ghosts.” What’s interesting is this album had a LOT of bangers. For an album that seemingly deals with some rough stuff, this album is dancey as shit. And at the end of the day, Stars is a band that is really about a vibe. And something about the vibe of this album is different than all the rest. And whatever that difference is, makes it number 1. Front to back this album feels like it HAS to be listened to in one sitting. We’ve also heard that it’s pretty good make-out music. We’ve heard. Just saying.
Sigh’s first full-length is neither garbage nor killer. It’s fine. It has glimpses of some of the energy that would make the band so much fun and the following decades. But it never really blows your butt off. That said it’s still waaaaay more interesting than 90% of similar music that came out around that time. Leaning heavily into black metal production, it’s a solid listen, but definitely not what you wanna start with. But it’s the pacing of the album that really works. Right when things feel like they’re dragging just a bit, the mid-album dungeon-synthy “Gundali” pulls you right back in.
For a band that never plays it safe, this album feels about as close to playing it safe as they get. And that’s not to say this album doesn’t get weird. But for a band that lives in the weird, this album is just a little middle of the road. But when you’re a killer metal band, the middle of the road is still better than most everyone else. For instance, the flute playing along with the riff in the middle of “Hunters Not Horned” still absolutely wrecks. And certainly, they try to get out there with 3 electronic “Heresy” tracks. But While the album is an enjoyable listen, we can’t help but wish we were listening to their stronger efforts.
There’s an epic quality to “Infidel Art” that really pushes past the lower albums on this list. If we’re being honest, this is one of the only Sigh albums that doesn’t make us laugh. And that’s not bad either way. But the feel of the album is somehow more serious. It’s still very much Sigh, but it almost feels like they were asked to make an album to accompany an epic film. So instead of leaning into wackiness, they lean into making every track just super epic. The opener “Izuna” has an almost rock-opera feel, and at 8:16 it practically is. The highlight of the album is “The Zombie Terror” a track that clocks in at 9:42. And almost every one of the 6 tracks on this 50-minute album is long. But it adds to the epic feel of the whole thing.
Much of this album is straightforward forward ‘90s epic blackish/fantasy metal, which means no complaints from us. But honestly, there is one reason this album beats out the three previously listed: “Invitation to Die.” This song is perfect. It’s like a grim beatnik Muppet song on a Zelda soundtrack. Seriously. The vocals are bordering rapping at a few points. And then there’s a baby crying. I don’t even know what else to say.
While it’s hard to believe Sigh was doing what they were doing in the ‘90s, this album in particular kinda blows our minds. At 25 years old this year, Sigh could release this album and it would still feel as fresh. With an opener that includes horns and handclaps (and I think Tamborine?) “Scenario IV: Dread Dreams” is the bands first real dabble in the weird. While their previous records had experimental stuff, this one has the feeling of the band trying some stuff they’ve always wanted to try. And while they never quite let loose on this album to the extent they do on their acclaimed follow-up “Imaginary Sonicsscape,” you can see why people really started paying attention with this album. Sometimes it’s easy to look at where a band ends up and then look at the older stuff and think “meh.” But in the context of this band, this album is immensely pivotal. In other words, “Scenario IV: Dread Dreams” walked to so “Imaginary Sonicsscape” could run.
Sometimes referred to as Sigh’s “power metal” album, this album contains primarily clean vocals. This bothers people who are shitheads. Everyone else can see this album rules. Because with Sigh, clean vocals aren’t clean vocals. This album still doesn’t sound like any other band. And because of the clean vocals, it doesn’t sound like any other Sigh album. And believe me, when you’re listening to all their albums for, oh I don’t know off the top of my head, a ranking list for Hard Times, Sigh changing things up is genuinely exciting. This album is also noted for Century Media refusing to release it due to Sigh apparently using some sonic weaponry developed during WW2 in the recording. We’ve listened to the album many times, and other than our teeth falling out, hair turning around and growing back into our bodies, and night terrors that cause us to go hoarse, we think Century Media were just being babies about it.
The only really negative about “In Somophobia” is that it followed the superior “Scenes From Hell.” And so as is the case with the great albums that follow absolute classics, this one can kinda disappear from memory. But it shouldn’t because it’s an immensely fun album. The borderline doo-wop groove of “Amnesia” should be close to the top of Sigh’s list of things that shouldn’t work, but just do. This is actually a decent album to start with if you’ve never listened to Sigh before. It’s weird, it’s fun, but there is plenty of straightforward metal if you’re too much a baby. And the weird cover art is also a plus.
This is a favorite for many and it totally makes sense. The opening track busts in with a thrashy section with horns and then kicks into a half-time, borderline nu-metal slam part. The track then transitions to rain sounds and a “Midian”-era Cradle of Filth theatrics.The band is once again letting us know that they will melt our faces off with their metal, and they will do it however they damn well please. Putting down some of the jazzier elements of other albums, the band seems to fully embrace classical music and dare I say musical theater as an inspiration. And while that’s not anything new in metal, with Sigh they do it their own way.
Something that stands out about “Graveward” is the production. Among Sigh’s more recent albums, they seem to have leaned towards slightly more traditional production. This worked for some (“Shiki” and “In Somophobia”) and not so much for others (“Heir to Despair”). But for whatever reason, on “Graveward” the band decided to return to their signature “what the fuck is going on” production. And it does not disappoint. If we didn’t think Sigh were geniuses, it’d almost seem like the levels were picked at random. But there ain’t shit random about Sigh. Or maybe it is random? Whatever. We don’t care. Also, not every song has bizarre production. But even the songs that seem to be relatively tame (for Sigh) all of a sudden have a guitar solo bust in at levels that the asshole guitar player in your band would kill to have. Maybe don’t play this album for them. This one is just for us.
“Shiki” is, as of this writing, Sigh’s most recent effort. Much like the record preceding this one (“Heir to Despair”) the outright weirdness seems to be turned out just a smidge. And yet, unlike the previous album, it seems like here it’s been turned down to show that Sigh is, in fact, fucking metal. Just… just so metal. Ignoring a 15-second opening track of a chant (which honestly should’ve just been attached to track 2) the real opener is “Kuroi Kage.” We are not lying to you when we say that the riff in this song is the dirtiest, deepest, lip-snarling riff that Sigh has ever written. It’s just stanky. And then the vocals just add to the evil Muppet idea. This might be the most re-listenable Sigh song of all time. Later in the song, it has a chill, dark sax moment that just fits so well, it makes me think Sigh should be president. Thankfully the album doesn’t drop off with quality after this track. One noticeable difference with the album is the production. Instead of leaning into weird production choices, the band seemed to say “what if instead of being weird, we just showed everyone that we’re one of the best metal bands doing it, and have been since the ‘90s?” Everything thumps. This shit is as loud, heavy and varied as a Chipotle dump.
This is the album that made the metal world pay attention to Sigh. For a lot of folks this is number one and it makes sense why. The opening riff of “Corpsecry -Angelfall” starts off in a pumping, if typical fashion. But then just for a few measures ‘80s keys kick in and gives you the first glimpse that this is not your father’s metal band. Probably because your father’s metal band is the Doobie Brothers. But if your dad actually does like the Doobies, he honestly might be into some of the borderline nostalgic feels on this album, like “A Sunset Song.” Then there’s the head-bangy, synthy opening to “Scarlet Dream” which immediately pulls you in and asks “What if the theme for every cartoon from the ‘80s kicked ass even more?” Then “Nietzschean Conspiracy” just does a full 180 on us, and asks “What if Bohren & der Club of Gore made a song entirely on a Casio?” What we’re saying is that this album asks and then answers a lot of questions. While at times not as heavy as other releases, Imaginary Sonicscape is a true classic and there’s just nothing like it. Literally nothing. Lots of people compare Sigh to Mr Bungle, and while Bungle is influential, there’s just no comparison, and this album is the perfect example of why. While Bungle sometimes feels like they’re being weird for weird sake, Sigh feels like they are just doing what they do. Nothing is put on. Nothing is forced. They are making the music they want. It just happens to be really fucking weird.
Everyone thinks “The Muppets Take Manhattan” is the best classic Muppet movie. But they’re wrong. It’s “The Great Muppet Caper.” Everyone thinks “Imaginary Sonicscape” is the best Sigh album. But they’re wrong. Because just like “The Great Muppet Caper,” “Scenes from Hell” takes everything you like about the Muppets/Sigh and turns it to 11. To us, this album is the pinnacle of everything Sigh is trying to do in music. It’s weird. It’s scary. But it’s also an absolute destroyer of a metal album. If you want a real experience, put on headphones and just listen to this fucking album. But you won’t. And that’s the difference between us, and I can’t take it anymore. This relationship just isn’t working out, and I think we should see other people.
