CHICAGO — Local coffee roasters Undefeated Coffee Collective surprised its followers by deciding to release a punk album 22 years into their existence, confirmed multiple…
ANAHEIM, Cali. — Local middle-aged man Shawn Hampton felt the full effects of venti Starbucks cold-brew and told friends that he felt he was at…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Green Day’s newest venture, Oakland Coffee, was criticized for using the same three bland roasts over and over again, confirmed multiple caffeinated…
RENO, Nev. – Local doom metal darlings Swamp Creatures released their new signature coffee beans to let their fans they’re absolutely done making good music,…
Excuse me, did you just say white people don’t like spices? Well, how can that be the case when I’m on my third pumpkin spice…
PITTSBURGH – Local crust punk Connor Thompson openly rejects the use of normal paper coffee filters and instead uses a dingy, faded Discharge patch off…
PHOENIX — 35-year-old Cassie Lozano is in critical condition after she foolishly came to the conclusion she needed to limit her caffeine intake and decided…
Money management has been a hot topic lately, and with there being no signs of the cost of living going down anytime soon, even the…
WASHINGTON — The Straight Edge Supreme Court will hear arguments this week in the case of Lewis v. Monster Energy which could overturn the landmark…
SAN FRANCISCO — Customers at local coffee shop, Verdant Cafe, collectively felt shivers go through their spines when a barista announced a “cow’s milk” latte…
PURCHASE, N.Y. — Local woman Elle Rice winced this morning while waiting for her black coffee refill as the song “Fade Into You” by Mazzy…
NEW YORK — Marketing associate and long-time New Yorker Carly Tseng reportedly wasted National Coffee Day by purchasing coffee at Starbucks. “This time of year,…
PALMDALE, CA — Customers and baristas of The Catalyst Coffee Shop were shaken to their core Sunday afternoon when sick fuck Andrew Murphy ordered an…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
The gap between rich and poor widens each year. Jeff Bezos takes his billions to space while Elon Musk trolls global economics with meme tweets.…