TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — The Florida Legislature announced the passing of a bill securing $500 million in grant money to develop a special cargo short that…
APALACHICOLA, Fla. — Dedicated Swifties across the internet believe the new Taylor Swift song “Florida!!!” is about her highly publicized breakup with the mythical swamp…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…
ATLANTA — Georgia’s governor has signed a bill prohibiting the act of offering water to thirsty audience members queuing in long merch lines, bewildered legal…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida’s state legislature is once again making waves nationwide after changing their official state bird from the Northern mockingbird to a parrot…
As we know, Florida sucks, but Mayday Parade sure doesn’t. Tallahassee’s pride and joy pop-rock/pop-punk has seen more than their fair share of drama, we’re…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor and Republican Presidential Candidate, Ron DeSantis, promised that, if elected, he would change the fifty stars section of the American…
SARASOTA, Fla. — Local punk Tabitha Milner recently lit a cigarette with a match on the first try, despite the fact that a Category 2…
We’re ranking the five studio albums From First to Last from almost last to almost first. Basically, Skrillex + Periphery + D.R.U.G.S. + IBS over…
New York — Local thirty-something punk Charles Murray is unable to settle on an official complaint about this year’s Fest, indecisive sources confirmed. “I go…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local mother Doreen Ludip was shocked and outraged to discover a copy of the “Diary of Anne Frank,” which documents the Nazi…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Cecil Clarke admitted that the only contribution he made to his upcoming wedding is researching potential honeymoon locations by listening to…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — High school math teacher Charles Negley experienced a fleeting moment of euphoria followed by utter disappointment earlier today, after reading news that…
LAKE WORTH, Fla. — Rival MAGA rappers Li’l Q and Lok ‘Er Up from the east and west coast of Florida respectively have begun to…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local eye doctor and punk fan Scotty “Scraps” McDonough ventured to make routine eye exams more interesting by using the typographically dense…